It just doesn't happen like in the movies!!

I haven't written recently about my love life.. lack of it.. might be more of the reason... or lack of inspiration more like!

I am resigned to taking myself out at weekends, getting all the rounds of drinks in (for 1) and having a virtual friend (whose really real) who spends her time sitting at the pokies and I can't sit with her as she says if someone sits with her then they bring bad luck.  I usually arrive around 10.30 so I don't have to spend too much money.. and can get away till 2.00 am with about 5 drinks bought (my tipple.. cider at $6.80 for a shooner).

My weekends are like bad versions of Groundhog day..  Wander down the Courthouse Hotel, watch the band.. at 12.00 wander to the Iron Bar and then depending on the weekend, it's mingling with a crowd so thick that their acne creams are almost blending, or where the ultra violet lights light up so many white shirts of the wedding party guests you have to wear sunglasses for the glare.

I had been invited beforehand to a BBQ at the very swanky Niramaya Resort where I have one friend managing it and another living in it!

I did take a bottle of wine.. and it was a really pleasant evening.

So I was at the Courthouse much earlier than normal  .. and was certainly getting relaxed.


By the time I wandered into the Iron Bar the wine and a few ciders were certainly making me feel rather merry.

So it was a bit blurry in my memory why I ended up chatting with Darryl, but it seems on post analysis he had 'spotted' me and had headed me off at the pass and engaged me in conversation. Just like the movies we just hit if off immediately... the world whittled away like a Dali watch and like a film effect the camera zoomed in on just us chatting and laughing.  He had the biggest smile that was totally all encompassing and I have such a soft spot for men with a sense of humour and a beaming smile.  Under his shirt (yep... wedding guest!) I could see bulging arm muscles and I coudn't believe my luck that I had received attention from such a lovely man!

It was seamless... from chatting, laughing, totally engrossed in each other to the walk back to my house, some half finished wines on the balcony and then to bed! It seemed so natural.

The next morning for the first time for me in YEARS!!!  We lay in bed chatting and cuddling (he complimented me on being a good cuddler!,  How wonderful to just lie in bed in the morning basking in the afterglow of passionate, intense and beautiful love making and the feeling that somehow we 'clicked'.

It was about 12.00 and I thought I had better mention that some new guests were arriving that day to rent the downstairs bedroom (the one we were lying in).   I didn't expect them till later in the day especially since all the roads were closed due to the Ironman competition going on in the road.

Barely had I mentioned this than the door bell went... eeeeek! The room had to be cleaned, sheets changed, and one hunky man had to be exited from the bed (I had already exited pretty quickly as I was running round like a naked headless chicken trying to find something to cover myself up with to answer the door).   In the end I gave up and just answered the door naked and just popped my head round (though forgetting that the top half of the door is frosted glass!).  They could see with great insight that I wasn't ready, so the words "we'll be back in 15 minutes" was indeed music to my ears.

Darryl by then had got his wedding gear back on.. shirt and dress trousers.. all ready for his walk of shame back to his hotel (only about 2 minutes down the road).. but it was a road filled with spectators for the Ironman competition!  We left with a hurried arrangement to meet up later.

That evening we met up and had another wonderful evening.  He was lovely and even bought drinks for my friends (who were more like people that I know here who were all chatting to us... it's big news for me to be seen with a man here, so some were very curious).

He works as a policeman in Canberra, and he discussed how emotional the job can be and the sights he has had to cope with at one point tearing up a bit.. so I gave him a big hug.   So lovely just sitting and chatting and he held my hand under the table...  He came out of a 3 year relationship 5 months ago and I think it cost him a lot of money.  He wants to meet someone to have a family... So a couple of klaxon warnings methinks!

We went back to his hotel later and again, had a lovely tender lovemaking session and great cuddles in the morning.

I bid him goodbye with a kiss on the lips as I left and then rather embarrassingly for my grand exit walked the wrong way and had to u turn back past him (did get another kiss) as I had taken my contact lenses out the night before out and so my eyesight was rather diminished.

He was leaving that day to drive back to Canberra with his mate... which was going to take a week...

He said comments like 'don't give me your Facebook details as I won't be able to stop myself messaging you all the time'

And so he disappears off into the sunset...........


We have been text messaging all week... some of his messages:

Hope you are well, I had a lot of fun with you!

(I sent him a photo)
omfg you are gorgeous :) Love the pic.  Thank you!  Trip is good. I miss hanging out with you!

I'll be back for sure! Hope you are still around when I do. 

OK, so we are not talking undying love... but hey.. early days so we shall see....


Last night I went out on my usual Groundhog day night and ended up at the Iron Bar.

Up lunges up this slightly drunk woman  (now, I don't want to be rude.. but I am trying to paint a picture here).  She has to be a not so well kept 50+ woman.  Wearing a kaftan that covered her curvaceous body and at about 5'5" no height to really offset this.

She is a friend of a friend (Jane)  who I have chatted with on the odd occasions before.

Her opening words were  'So what do you think of Darryl? - I found him to be a bit of a dud"

Flummoxed I said "Dud? How do you mean"

Her reply with great knowing gusto " He's, you know, really bad in bed - you were with him the other night weren't you? I was with him about 4 nights ago"

Keeping my composure "No, we never slept together, we just had drinks - but I think he's a lovely guy - don't you ".  There's me thinking that only 6 hours before I had gushed to Jane how I had met this wonderful man!

To which she replied, "Nah, did nothing for me"

The picture of us two together living a romantic fairytale just shattered into little cutting shards smashing with the screech of gramophone record at my feet...

I was upset, not only did I feel taken in,  used, abused, taken for a ride, but how could he have such little regard for any quality or higher characteristics than to end up with a woman like that!

After much thinking I thought the following:

He isn't committed to me, we have no relationship.  He's on a road trip with his mate exploring all 'possibilities' - they have both just come out of relationships.  Maybe he is genuine about his feelings for me, in which case, whatever has happened doesn't alter that.  I still really like him, just disappointed as I thought he was a man with higher integrity and better taste.  I have decided not to mention anything......  there will be an appropriate time but it's not now.........................

And so we shall see..............................

Vanity is not beatiful...

Oh dear.. time flies or as the Romans said "Tempes Fugit"

I haven't been able to update this blog as much as I would like as despite living in a first world country the internet access up here in Port Douglas is not third world.. it's fourth world.

Intermittent, slow and unreliable.....

So what's been happening in Penny world...

Whilst working at the local paper I wanted to place an editorial in our beauty section for a local beauty company.

I was particularly intrigued about a new treatment they offer.  It was first bought to my attention in a magazine in a waiting room.  A photo showing a pregnant Kim Kardashian with a bloodied face and the announcement of a new beauty treatment that uses the plasma from your own blood to help plump out lines and those nasal labial fold lines.  It looked particularly dramatic and I did think literally 'bloody hell'.. whatever next!

Little did I know that a week later I would be lying on the treatment bed about to do an impersonation of an overly enthusiastic dart board.  Succumbing to the statement by the owner "you can't write about it if you don't experience it, I will give you the treatment for free" (We are talking a $400 treatment free!).

Despite people asking if I have had plastic surgery or anti-aging treatments I have always been  a firm believer in the beauty of spirit, soul and outlook to keep young (and the benefits of good genes helps).

I can't comprehend the pain and procedures that women go through in the pursuit of beauty. That women will put themselves through major surgeries just for a fad or for vanity.

So it was against my philosophy to be lying down enduring the pain as she searched around my arm with a syringe to try and hit the vein with words 'get me out of here' incessantly echoing through my brain.  After 15 mins of unlucky jabbing I suggested she move to the other arm. After finally filling up a test tube with my blood (and obviously spilling it over the table and over the floor as she dabbed it up with tissues)..  Now going through my brain was.. 'has she done this before?'.  My confidence wasn't boosted when she asked for a 3mm gauge syringe from her assistant and when advised that there was only 2mm said "well, that will have to do". 

After centrifuging my blood she then proceeded to fill up the syringe with the clear plasma.  This was then injected along my nasal labial fold.  At one point (literally!) I felt a pricking to my dimple (I only have one)  to which I said "that's my dimple! Can you leave that!'.  She was less than reassuring when she said that the plasma kept clotting and it was making it difficult to inject.  Another test tube of blood was taken for under the eyes. Yowzer! that's a sensitive area for sticking in syringes - now I was at the point where I was just trying to get through the procedure and trying to refrain from  running out the door.  I also could tell that she was injecting uneven amounts on both sides.  She started on my crows feet, but I said.. no, I call those laughter lines and I want to keep them.

Finally, she finished I looked in the mirror.  Looking back at me was a face that certainly looked a bit battered.. and bruised.  A blue bruise mark under the eye where one injection hadn't been so clean.  Instead of my caved in under the eyes the fluid now had gathered into two uneven sized liquid pouches - so now I looked more like two swollen eyes peering over the top of two water-filled balloons.

She immediately gave me a little drink of Arnica to help the bruising....

Mmmmm... the sentence I had used with her when I first went in and she asked if I had ever had a treatment went into my head "Oh no, I never have treatments, because I am sure karma would punish my vanity and make things go wrong".

I write this a week later and can only say that a few days after the swelling had gone down.. and despite an improvement for maybe a day or two (which was offset by the bruise under my eye)  I now consider I look the same now as I did before.

Luckily, any damage wasn't long lasting, but what an interesting lesson in so much pain (luckily no expense) and time (1 hour) being such a waste of............

Penny - Commercial Diver

Yep.. My latest title to my list of jobs!

Who would have thought sitting there with my Careers Advisor in school that Commercial Diver would be on the list!

I completed my Commercial Dive course over a year ago with the idea to use it in support and body double work in films.  This intention faded as quickly as the Australian dollar did the same thing to the American dollar leaving it in the shade as the Australian currency made it too expensive for American production companies here.

I wanted to get out of the Recreational Dive industry here as an Instructor, so Commercial Diving seemed a logical fork in the diving career.

So it was with surprise that I received a call asking if I was free for a week to undertake Commercial Diving work.

Without hesitation I answered 'yay!' (and that wasn't because I was asked to spend the week with a bunch of buoys!).  My 'job' at the moment is a 3 day one (highly flexible on the day front) for minimal wage and for commission, selling advertising space on the local online newspaper.  I also worked an extra 2 'free' days for them last week so there wouldn't be any objections to me taking the week off.

And so I rock up last Saturday night ready for my new job and adventure.... with a bit of trepidation as the weather forecast was 25-30 knot winds and high waves for the week... and the boat didn't look so big too me!


........... Will update this in a few days.. I will leave you with some pics to carry you through.....

The boat awaits 'Viking' or commonly known as 75581QC

Also awaiting 25-30 knot winds and high waves... like being on the set of The Perfect Storm

Standard view from the back deck of the boat - laying the moorings and checking moorings and buoys

Back deck view as the storm subsides..

Just an idea of size.. the hard eye with my soft hand!

The back deck looking like a giant macrame puzzle

Michaelmas Cay - strange irony - was here in 1990 doing a Discover Scuba Diving Experience - how strange that 23 years later I would be back working as a Commercial Diver!

Lizard Island.. the island for the jet set and the famous.. don't know what I was doing there!  Ah yes... cleaning, installing and inspecting their buoys

Coming back into Cairns after the week.. all hands on deck.. or bums on counters as the case may be

Collateral damage - aching, bruised (where I slipped down the stairs),  and my hand literally 'popped' on the last afternoon as I was pulling in a rope of the tender (the boat behind) and it got caught with my hand... soft flesh, inanimate object in small space with a sudden velocity of 20mph of inanimate object.  Literally squeezed the fat out of my hand!  Went to the hospital on the return and they cut off the fat.  So I even got liposuction to my thumb!

Some tips on life...

This follows on with the flow of my thoughts from my last post.... I wish I could paint tattoo these on my arm... so I can be reminded every day that to wake up is a good day!

Written by a 90 year old

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it..

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.



12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it...

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

22. The most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive but don’t forget.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..

31. Believe in miracles.

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

34. Your children get only one childhood.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

39. The best is yet to come...

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

41. Yield.

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

The oldest youngest person I knew.. in memoriam

This is my Great Aunt Joan who died this week.

She was the most inspirational woman that I know, despite pain, blindness and problems breathing later in life she always sounded like a twenty year old on the phone full of happiness and joy.. she died aged 93.

When I last saw her she said "Penny, life is short, enjoy it as much as possible as when you get to my age it is what you look back on".  I always said to her that she was the youngest oldest person I knew.  It made me realise life and age is about your outlook and being young is not a number, Joan proved that to me.

She never talked about her problems and did her best not to let people know that she couldn't see and didn't like inconveniencing anyone.  She was one of the first policewomen in the UK and was an early light in burning a path for other women to work in the police force. She married  my great uncle (she was 20 years younger) and then lived an exciting colonial lifestyle in Africa.  She never had children but my connection with her I felt like she was my second Mother.

When my actual Mother died I thought a lot about the meaning of life.  As I found journals and journals when I was clearing out my parent's house.  Pages and pages of her life, all neatly written in her beautiful handwriting.  Journals about looking after my Grandma, Journals about shopping lists, her campaigns and her life... too many books to put in a suitcase and take back to Australia or to my sister's.  So we read them to each other and then they were consigned to the recycling skip.  How that haunted me... her words.. her thoughts.. just .... gone.

I think there is writing DNA in my blood.  The need to write, account, to express, wonder, explain, just to feel that words somehow fill a life.   I have no children, no real relatives that will one day sit and look at my journals.. and so this blog kind of fills a void.

I live here with no confidantes, I never was bought up to confide in anybody, everything I experienced was kept within my skin and memory.  This blog is for me a testimony that I did actually live, that through life's rollercoaster my writing is a cathartic expression of what is happening to me.

I hope I write to explore, to shine, to query, to wonder, perhaps some of what I write is too near the bone and putting oneself 'on the line' is too near the line.

But somehow being alive to me is about expression, experiencing and emotions.  This blog is a testimony to a small life... mine.  It's not so interesting, important or entertaining, but at least a few words can make me feel that I am living it... 

Concert Going..

We don't get much in the terms of quality entertainers coming to Cairns.. the nearest they get to where I am is Brisbane - About 2,000 kms away!

But we have been privileged recently to have

Jimmy Cliff........

If you don't know who it is you will definitely know the songs.

Many Rivers to Cross
I Can See Clearly Now
You can Get it if you Really Want
The Harder They Come

He is 65 and still bounding over the stage.. almost at one point tripping over the Feedback speakers in front of me and me only cursing that I didn't have my video on my iphone filming it.

I was positioned right at the front, but have to say I was very disappointed with the quality of photo taken in poor light condiions with my iPhone.  The best effort I could come up with was the picture below.

The concert itself was wonderful he exuded music through every pore and in the venue that was a lot of sweaty pores.  With not a fan in the place in the tropical heat and 500 people dancing to the Jamaican reggae beats, we got to feel totally in the tropical groove.. including wiping away the waterfall of sweat drops cascading down my face and trying not to stick to the sweaty person gyrating next to me.

And then followed two weeks later.. Chris Isaaks graced Cairns Convention Centre.

3,000 people with not a spare seat  His classics, Wicked Game, Blue Hotel and a cover of Ring of Fire, it's one thing hearing his amazing voice on radio, but seeing him live really is a total 3D experience.  He is such an endearing man - even encouraging people to come up and take photos of him "better to take photos now, as I won't be looking any better towards the end of the night".

I had taken my Canon 300D SLR camera with me (not trusting that iPhone quality any more).  I had also attached my telephoto lens... which had been fostering some tropical mould on the inside of the glass lens.  Despite keeping it in the freezer it was still prevalent, but luckily on a long zoom, the mould on the inside doesn't notice.. whew.. so this was the first time that I had used it.

Ironically, I managed to get right down to the front and was literally standing at his feet - so close that if I had used my camera it would have only shown a pimple on his nose.  At one point he looked down directly at me and all I could limply say as I felt a bit embarrassed was 'hello'... well what else can one do?

If you are wondering who I am going with.. well Jimmy Cliff was indeed with my imaginary friend.  My friend Clarissa (a girl that I last saw when we were 17 and I found out she lived locally and we have now become firm friends!) found out that it was standing room only and since she had had a recent back operation was unable to make it, so I was able to sell her ticket.

For Chris Isaaks I went with Clarissa and her husband.  Whilst Clarissa and her husband stayed in the seats I was boogying out at Chris's feet.... so it was lovely to go with company..  It's funny that my time in Port Douglas most of my friends have been couples... just call me 'Spare Wheel Pen'.

I was so close that all I could offer up when he looked at me was a weak 'hello'

He went off for a wander among the crowd.  He sat on one lady's lap who whispered in his ear 'your getting heavy'  and she wasn't talking about his type of music!

Even his guitar is named after him!

A mirrored suit.. let's hope he doesn't break it.. 7 years bad luck

His cover of 'Ring of Fire'

The echo of Stevie Lingers on...

Despite getting on with life and trying not to think too much about what's happening with Stevie in Finland.. keep seeing reminders of him everywhere haha!

Stevie set the trend...