Thinking of you Muvver!

I thought this was posted.. but it says that it was still in 'draft' so reposted...

9th April.. the day my Mother died two years ago. I called her 'Muvver' as after the initial 'Mummy' stage she formally announced one day that she was now to be called 'Mother'. So in my rebelliousness I refused and so hit a compromise to call her 'Muvver'.. and that stuck!

What a surreal time.. the death of a parent. The fact of life that is obvious .. but one is never prepared for it. It still side swipes you.

It was always thought my Father would pass away before my Mother as he had been the one 10 years earlier that had been in hospital for a year fighting infections and then with the onset of Parkinsons it was always seemed that that would be the order.

Mum was a forthright, domineering, outspoken and strong character. Mum and illness or death just didn't seem to go together.

Mum always said that she was so not looking forward to getting old. The irony of her getting old was that her knees and hips went (the main things that carried her like a tornado through her life and her hectic schedules and volunteer work). She was still giving the 'old ladies' a lift to places, despite finding it difficult to walk herself. A hip replacement that was mucked up meant that her hip was never to be the same again.

She always said that she didn't want to live to be old or 80 and that she wanted to die in her sleep. So 6 weeks before her 80th birthday she died in her sleep. I know that she would be so happy about that.

A short illness/minor heart attack had her in hospital in the January. She said how she so much enjoyed being in the hospital like a 'holiday' and watching people and reading.. though by the end she just wanted to get home. Two weeks later she was out and back home where I was able to spend that time with her.

She was so pleased to be at 9 stone "I haven't been that weight for a long time" and our last goodbye was me hugging her so close and in someway knowing that was going to be our last hug and trying not to cry. She was happy to be home to see Spring coming up and the snowdrops blooming. Three months later she was dead.

Her spirit is very much with me and many times now I can hear her retorts when I do something wrong (and she was good at retorts!) , her laugh when something funny happens, and her encouragement or approval when I know I am on the right track. She said that she always lived her adventurous life vacariously through me! And yet, one thing she taught me was to find beauty and magic in the small things in life.


Love you Mum and miss you xxOO




Me.. a babe in arms... 49 years ago...

Launch of Nature Says No

In the industry this would be known as a 'soft' launch.  Basically in lay men terms.. if you haven't got the money for flags, fireworks, press launches and massive advertising budget then it's a 'soft launch'.  If you have all the trimmings type of launch it's a hard launch (probably because it's hard on your wallet!).

So it is on Ebay now and it has been formally introduced into Facebook (I looked on advertising on Facebook but it's 35 pounds a day plus .44p per hit!).  So will wait on that one for a while! It even has a website www.naturesaysno.com.au.

All leaflets and Sales sheets and finalisation of labels for Retail are being worked on this weekend and then it's the stores foot tramping and selling next week.  A friend of mine who did a marketing degree is putting together something for the press.  She was the one who was sacked from work on the same day I left and is moving along with unfair dismissal. In the meantime I think she wants something to get her teeth into and offered to help me!

The insect repellent got a stringent testing when on Anzac day I went with Gary and his 'girfriend' Maria for a trek to the nearby waterfall.  When we arrived after driving my Beetle down an almost 4x4 track, with me wincing as the rocks scraped on the sporty low chassie. On arrival we all got out to be greeted by welcoming clouds of mosquitoes.  So sudden and cloud covered were we that  I had to shout to Maria to 'close the door' as the clouds seemed to dissipate inside the car.  (Trying to get these winged wanderers out of the windows and applying more repellent was our mission on the  journey back).  Thank goodness I had mixed my latest insect repellent mixture before we left which we hurriedly sprayed all over.  If this didn't work, I thought, we are all going to come out of this with more holes than an antique dart board (was going to do the joke one..more pricks than a retired prostitute, but thought that a bit rude).  Certainly me with a red face from embarrassment... or probably from insect bites...  As we tramped through the forest we all had our own cloud following us from behind.  A natural mosquito event that happens at the end of the rainy season apparently - according to our guide Gary.

I was a little concerned about what would happen when we finally made it to the end of our grail - where the lure of the swim in this celestial waterfall was beckoning.  Wondering how many mosquitoes were praying to their mosquito God that we all disrobe into swim wear  to expose acres of fresh flesh.

Luckily,  as we ventured further up the stream with stronger water  and brighter sunshine, the clouds of mozzies beat a a buzzing retreat.  I spent much of the time watching intently Maria's back as she had a spaghetti top on with open back as she was in front of me and was impressed how well my repellent kept them off.

Look there's a mosquito!

No mosquitoes over here!

We decided to walk to the waterfall on Anzac Day which is a public holiday in memory of all the diggers and people killed in the water.  It was so lovely to walk through the rainforest and quite unbelievable that such stunning scenery is literally a 5 min drive away (and a 2 hour walk!).

It struck me as quite strange that now my main friends here in Port Douglas are both couples!

Not quite the Ozzie saying that I feel like a 'spare dick at an orgy',  which could quite easily happen.   Ironically with Mariella and Geoff.. who I have mentioned in a previous blog they are the main people that I hang out with.  It seems to work quite well, though it did go through an unsettling time recently when Mariella worried that Geoff was going to go off with me once she moves away to University.  I have had time since then to talk to her in a roundabout way to convince her that she needn't worry.    To be honest quite taken aback that was even contemplated!  But it seems I am a bit of a mediator between them both with both asking for advice about the other, so I hope that I have my uses.  In return I have wonderful friends who I am very fond of and without them would certainly be a lonelier person!

Gary has now linked up with a kind of girlfriend 'Maria'.  They met through a couch surfing website.. and so she came to surf on his couch (a good way to see the world for free accommodation) so they were coming round often for dinner and watch films with me.  I think that the initial impetus has petered out.. she is a bubbly Colombian girl, very sweet and I am sad to say that Gary is rather grumpy, moody and rather quick to chide.. so I think she is making some space between them.

Well, a few things bubbling away for work, men etc... but all will be revealed to you when they are revealed to me!

Days.....

Sent another two c.v.'s off today..

Trying to keep motivated.

Dennis the boxer rang me yesterday saying he wanted to come over.  Which perplexed me as he has met this new girl and judging by his Facebook page they are both very happy.  I haven't contacted him but just said that I was happy that he had found someone.

Last week I get texted to me a rather explicit photo from him (I'll leave that one to your imagination).  I immediately texted back saying that I think he had sent it to the wrong person (I thought it was one for his girlfriend!) and never heard anything back.

So quite surprised that he rang to come over yesterday...  which due to unforeseen circumstances he then cancelled at the last minute saying he was going to come over today instead.  But today, it seems he has to work...

I am not sure what he is playing at... anyway.. just keeping it simple.

Without work... just trying to keep busy.. keep looking at the walls and wondering which one to paint next..

I want to get going with my new product range, but as always, being held to ransom over how fast my graphic designer can work.

Well... I am off to Gary's now.. he just called by and I am going to use his pool.. a bit more conducive for swimming lengths and sunbedding...

Contacted the Dive Supervisor where I last worked to send me a reference... that should be interesting!

Make yourself at home!

I love people coming round.. don't get me wrong.. but there's coming around and staying around! Su casa mi casa is all very well, but not mi casa es totally su casa!

I've had Karen around from 10.00 to 2.00 today helping with her unfair dismissal case (typing up her emails, finding out information for her) and half a day yesterday - with the text... 'I'll just pop round for coffee' (so does 'pop mean 4 hours?). Then bumped into Gary (see previous blog) at 4.00 when I was returning finally from my swim, that I finally managed after Karen's exit. He said he would pop round later.

7.00pm there's a female 'hello' it's Maria Glen's couch surfing Colombian contact.

I know that him and her have 'got it together' (so not much couch surfing more double bed surfing now!). He likes her, but was complaining about her lack of depilation.. I have to admit that there is somewhat a prominent moustache (eat your heart out Frida Kahlo) and my attention was indeed drawn when she lifted up her arms to a very healthy large thatch under the armpits. Now how shallow am I!

She is a lovely girl and in my years as a diving instructor I have certainly seen many nationalities and females where waxing, depilation, razors and Veet is distant world. I even had a half Egyptian friend in London who refused to shave as a point of principle, including the luxuriant herbaceous borders like shrubs on either side of a driveway in her swimming costume. She maintained that despite losing boyfriends over her luxuriant growths she stood steadfast. She did meet the man of her dreams when on their first night she derobed and he exclaimed 'I'm jealous.. you've got hairier legs than I have!' and thus started a relationship of true love!

So I was chatting with her, wondering when Gary would arrived. On calling him he said he would be half an hour. She is a lovely girl so it was interesting to chat to her. When arrived they were both on the sofa chatting, and I noticed bits of physical touching. I was asked what was on TV and I am thinking, oh shit, they are making themselves all comfortable, lining up their nights viewing. It was bad enough with Gary when he used to come over, slump on the sofa, choose the channel and then text to his Philippine girlfriends..... now I have two of them.

I made a comment about going out to the pub a bit later.... To which Gary asked Maria if she wanted to join me.. but he was too tired (oh dear, I was so looking forward to going out by myself and tapping my feet and feeling free!)... I thought it was a bit cheeky him offering up Maria to go out with me and he 'too tired'.

Anyway, they have now both left...

Is it me? I love seeing people. Love that people come round, but at the moment people seem to come round, put their feet up, monopolise my space, choose what to watch on TV and wear their welcome thin. Is this me just getting old?

I had a lovely evening last night when I went round to see Veronika, the one instructor that I worked with (and her boyfriend) that showed me any friendship and they are such a great couple. So it was lovely to see her last night and have a chat about things. Her boyfriend, Mark works on a liveaboard now (I used to work with him) a week on and a week off, so I think she is a bit rattling around in the week that he is away. She is a great character, Finnish girl and just like her spirit and her joie de vivre! (She is training at the moment for a 2km swim, 90km cycle ride and 24 km run, triathlon... gosh that wore me out just typing it!).... and most importantly I tried not to wear out my welcome!

The next step?

One week gone by.. so what have I done..

Sent off a few c.v's to some pretty mundane Admin work

Developed 3 product offerings for my new Nature Says No range, raised barcodes, developed and in process of testing formulas. Set up ABN number, just got to register the company. My insect repellent is being tested by friends, one of which owns a kayaking company in Agnes water where sand flies are so thick there's more flies than air. Her comments look like my formula is going to give DEET a run for its money..

"tested no 1 today while out gardening and while simon had nothing on and got eaten alive, i was fine! not one bite:) smells nice too:)
will test no 2 this arvo while drinking cider on the deck. should be hash testing conditions. sandflies galore atm."

Just felt sorry for her husband Simon... and hope he didn't get bitten in too many comprimising places!

Found a training course for dump truck driving.. yep.. you read right. Mining companies are crying out for women dump truck drivers on the mines here. They prefer women as they have less egos and are much more careful drivers... there that's an admission. That will show those men ! With a salary of around $100k and sometimes 2 weeks on 2 weeks off rosta I am liking the idea of earning money, and some time off in between.

The trouble is that living up here we are not talking the centre of commerce where all the movers and shakers hang out. Most businesses are in mining, construction or tourism. Women work in beauty, shops, tourism, admin. Men work in tourism, construction or on the mines.

I am a bit loathe to get back into diving but might consider working on a liveaboard, but I am still waiting for that ethereal reference from my last company. It's a small world here and the diving community is small, so a reference from my previous employers, which is the biggest operator in the area would be good. Without it, there is going to be that big question mark as to why I left and the reasons behind it.

Other ideas... Thai massage course in Thailand, Animal husbandry course, Customs dog handler...

I am also planning to progress my Marriage celebrant studying.. I am halfway there and submitted 25 of the 50 assignments, so slowly slowly on that one.

So many ideas.... so wonder where it will lead me..............

Ironically I have spent most of yesterday and today helping a friend who worked where I worked.. who was given the sack yesterday. She was accused of using her mobile phone whilst on lifeguard duty. This was by a letter sent by a 20 year old to the 'powers to be' that has been with the company for 2 months and turns up every morning with a hangover. She has been there 2 years. So on the strength of a particularly ropey letter (what 20 year old takes the trouble to write a letter.. which was unsigned!), she was sacked. Her phone records show that no texts or phone calls were made and amazingly there is no telephone reception on the Barrier Reef. So I've been helping her through unfair dismissal advice as she was totally stunned by this sudden turn of events.

Aaah isn't working life wonderful! Must admit I don't miss it.

Up in the Air

That's it.. I am now 5 inches taller.. weight lifted off my shoulders.. I have left work... !

So wonder where and what my next job will be.... watch this space...!

My days are numbered........

Just a few of the buses carting people to the boats in the morning - 

the dive boats.. all three of them!  And the pontoon intro area.. the battery farm entry into the water....

I don't think that I can take it any more... the pressure, the nit picking, the being the brunt of every eye roll, the scrutiny, the unfriendliness, the snide comments..... 7 months into my dive work and I am still not signed off as an 'instructor' .. despite working as an instructor for 8 years. My self confidence is at its lowest ebb and despite my wanting to 'not let it get to me' it is. My last training day was in November! So now today 5 months later I am picking up where I left off.

It is getting to my core. I lay awake at night dreading the next day, I end each day with relief.

The end is drawing nigh.. I am going to have to take that bull by the horns and raise a one finger defiant.. sod you sign! Working out when to do this to keep what shred of dignity I have left intact..

Everything I do is wrong! Today I swam too slowly - while trying to haul 4 divers around the reef backward swimming. I am not allowed to add air to their bcds so they kept sinking down (der!). I took my eyes off them (only to avoid swimming them into a large rock and look where I was going). I am not making it obvious enough that I am checking their air. I am supposed to be the first out.. but one divemaster client that was with my intros today decided on ascent at 2m to do a U turn and look at something else.. so now I have 'lost a diver'......when I was getting my intros out of the water.

My time is limited.. very limited... so now I have to instigate plan A, B, C, D, E....... just got to work out what those plans are!

Just feel so deflated... but talking to other instructors (well, I do have a couple of co worker friends.. ) that';s how they make people feel.

I was only told last week that nobody wanted to work with me.. that's why I wasn't getting any work!

Apparently that's what they told one of my colleagues as well..!

Do I really have to put up with this crap! Only a matter of time methinks!

How strange that having a job diving on the Barrier Reef is 'the dream job' and yet due to the set up and the people it has turned into the job from hell.

Jean Paul Sartre, the french extentialist had it right "hell is other people".... don't I bleedin know it!

Not much Tribulation in Cape Tribulation

Well, it's all been happening.. or not as the case may be!

Been getting hardly any work as it is low rainy season at the moment.

Jaco.. the Dutch guy from the last blog said he would like to come up to Port. So with so many days off who was I to refuse.

So I collected him (2 hour round trip... things I do!). The next day we had a long lie in bed (he must have been tired after exerting himself the night before.. nudge nudge, wink wink). So got up quite late. We decided to go for a swim in Daintree river so went to the rainforest.. got down there and he had forgotten his swimming trunks. ...der!

Having chilled evenings together and decided to go the next day to Cape Tribulation.

So we jumped into the bug (me praying that the car will peform and not break down!), and off we went.

We decided for interest and value for money we would go to the Exotic Fruit Farm



Certainly some interesting textures, colours and tastes. It's amazing how much fruit is out there that is delicious but just not viably commercial. The Dragon fruit was lovely.. that was my favourite, dark purple, with succulent small seeded flesh that tastes a cross between a kiwi fruit and passion fruit... yum!

Hot tip.. on the star fruit.. delicious.. but just remove the edges from the pointy bits of the star as that is where it stores its more acidic 'bits' (highly technical!). Chupa Chupa means Suck Suck... though have to admit there was less sucking as 'picking' (it out of one's teeth). Resembled more of a stringy mango with a chunky stone in the middle.

The Abiu was tasty.. known as the creme caramel fruit, with a similar type of taste and the same type of consistency (wonder if you could burn caramelised sugar on the top for a fruity version). The Pommelo was a beautiful tasting citrus fruit, which needs genetically modifying to make it commercial - it's skin is about 4 cm thick (so a box of those would take up a lot of space for not a lot of actual fruit!).

We also went for a boat ride in the mangroves and spotted a couple of languid crocs keeping their body heat up in the sun. They hardly raised a croc eyebrow as we sauntered past, cameras clicking.

It was so lovely to be able to have a trip and share time with someone.

Managed to get back in one piece with me driving including a stop off for a dusk swim in the river watering/swimming hole... brrrracing and refreshing.. which I needed as my narcolepsy kicked in on the drive back and quite amazingly I drove onto the other side of the road as a car was coming.. woke up in time.. phew!! Jaco did offer to drive, but on further investigation it transpired that he knew how to drive but didn't have a license! (Minor point!).

Didn't sleep well that night (and no hanky panky happened that night) Jaco stayed up late watching TV etc. and the next morning I just got up early) as I had a rather 'come in and have a chat' talk with the supervisor of the divers at work.

I haven't blogged too much about work but things do not bodeth well there. I have been meaning to write it up on my blog, but something so near to my heart and just corroding my confidence I like to try and escape it when I get back home in the evening.

My next blog will be about the trials and tribs at work.....