So what's the score now...

Well to bring everything up to date..

Got back after my trip to Europe....

My bag arrives 8 weeks after losing it - with a questionable re-routing via Ibiza, Frankfurt/Munich, Paris, London.. quite a miracle!

I breathe a sigh of relief as I find a tenant for my hous in Costa Rica. 4 weeks later I get a frantic email from the tenant in a distraught state.  My house has been burgled - so my tenants for 1 year contract move out suddenly after 1 month. I am looking at $1500 (initial quote was $6,000 for a wall) to erect more of a secure fence (yep.. the old corrugated iron is a bit cheaper)  + costs of work after the burglary of $750 for repairs and + the cost of a new replacement TV - $500

My VW Beetle that has lived up to the word "bug" has to be sold.  The garage that did the last work (replacement of the whole steering rack at $1500) has told me to get rid of it as soon as possible as it is a potential for loads more problems to come... true words... considering the amount of problems I have had with it in the last 2 years (almost paid for the car again with repair costs).  So to get it ready for selling I have bought new tyres, a new battery, two front rods, disc rotors done.. now just have to get the exhaust seen to... $$ mounting up

Luckily I have been able to rent my house out here, so I have been staying with friends or at a youth hostel to try and make some extra dineros.

Bit strange not being able to live in my house... have to put all the bags in the car of clothes, shoes and toiletries.. so pleased I have some storage outside my house available .. that was a wise move when I bought this house (yep.. at least I can be wise in some areas!).

It was a bit difficult when the battery didn't work as I was kind of living out of my car so that was an added obstacle.  I used the office car (the affectionately called Red Rocket).... and put a bag of clothes in that.

One morning I get a text from my boss at the newspaper "Red Rocket has been broken in to. Street sweeper reports that contents are strewn over the road.. Get over there and take photo"

This was at 7.00 am when I am waking up in my shared dorm room.  I reply "Shit!!  that's my contents and my computer was in the car".  His wife picked me up and we went down there with me all the time thinking "I hope my knickers aren't included in the strewn articles".

We arrive and luckily my underwear is not on public display and thankfully my computer is still under the seat where I hid it.

Yes, I am trying to keep my head above water but not doing so well.  I have chipped into my savings to much with this move to Port Douglas that I am rather scared to use them up!

I work 3 days a week at $120 a day for the local online newspaper selling advertising space - where if I am lucky I can make an extra $250 in commission - though this does mean me working the extra 2 days for free so I can try and sell. This is freelance 3 days.  I do love working on the paper but they have no money - I have even been asked not call mobile numbers to save money!

I am working in an ad hoc manner on a local yacht where I snorkel guide and crew $100 for half a day.

Ironically, the biggest money maker for me is renting out my property - at $70 a night or $150 for the house a night it's been a life saver.

So now just trying to scrape by - big time a the moment.. $2500 needed for Costa Rica, $1000+ to get this car up and running and sold... and now getting to low season. With bills continually coming in I am fretting a bit.

Just want to have a solid job... I have applied for a few but well, we shall see but it is a continual cause of worry to me...

Oh yes, on the love front.. Mark finally made it back to Port Douglas (he lives in Sydney) and was distinctly cool at our reception.  Definitely pulling back there....  I don't really blame him.. he is 28 has been heavily involved in bringing up 2 children for the last 27y ears and he says he just wants his 'freedom' - sounds like a line out of the film Braveheart.

I pulled back totally and then he ask "why haven't you called me" - so not sure what's happening, but hey I'm just going to go with the flow now. 

Alongside this Mr Elusive, Simon has been resurrected and over Mark's cooling off I headed off to see Simon last Friday.   We ended up in a hotel room.  A marked contrast from our last meeting.. where we just sat in the car and chatted all night with me drinking water (he is living at his Father's and was babysitting for his younger brother aged 9).  The next morning when I dropped him off he said he didn't want to leave me.   He might be a bit rough round the edges (and a honed body that could crack walnuts with his derriere) but he is so disarmingly honest and complimentary.  When he says 'love you' to me I have to admit that he really does seem to.  But as with al1 the men that have said "I love you " in the past.. it's been said with their version of love.. which has sadly meant that actions and follow up were lacking.

I was hoping with Mark being here that we could do things together, but apart from his first message when he arrived "I'm in Port" I have had no other communication from him about meeting up.  Just a case when we have met we have bumped into each other.  I did invite him to dinner a few nights ago which was lovely, but I'm just going to leave it again.  After last time we met it was a "I'll call you" perfunctory goodbye. Can't really be bothered... just too much emotional angst ... We did have a brief chat when he came to dinner where we both admitted that it would hurt both of us if we saw the other person with someone else... so non the wiser still..

Life here is still a bit lonely.

My best friend here who I have helped the last year survive her separation from her husband finally moved out from her husband a couple weekends ago.  I was finally looking forward to us doing more things together, horse riding (she was a professional horsewoman), nights in Cairns, trips together ( I even mentioned going away for a weekend). A friend of hers offered her a room in his massive house - alongside his yacht, bmw convertible and two lovely little dogs (plus she has the use of the spare car).... the inevitable is happening as he wines and dines her, takes he out on his motor launch and organises champagne picnic surprises.  When I go round there is a distinct feeling that he would rather I wasn't there, so I fear that she will be taken out of one controlling relationship directly into another. I can see how easy it is for her to fall for everything and it's good to see her happy, but I get the feeling that my time spent with her will be less and less as her relationship develops.  I hope he will care for her and nurture her and treasure her friends as his own and realise how important to foster these relationships... but we shall see.

Mark and Ina (the couple I married) now are nearly completing their 6,000 km journey to their new lives in Perth.

So last night I took myself out.. had a couple of drinks and came home.  I feel the underlying ache of just feeling alone. I try and make my life busy, filled with projects and I am swimming 1km a day when I have the time, but there are moments when I just wonder whether I will ever love again or be loved, or just simply have friends around.  But I feel that after 2 years I am back to going out by myself... the only difference is now that people do know me and so even though I am on 'hello' terms, you can bet that anything happens with me there'll be the gossip grapevine in full flow the next day.  The joys of living in a small place!  Haha on Friday got chatted up by this guy saying "my friends and I have all agreed you are the best looking MILF here - who wants a young girl when they could have you" (MILF - Mother I'd Like to Fuck).... so a bit of a back-handed compliment.  As he was chatting me up Mark wandered over.. so that was good that he can see I get attention and I am sure it was pushing a few of Mark's jealousy buttons - not that I play those kind of games but it was interesting.

I have seriously considered that I might have to relocate to get a 'proper' job.  Rent out the house and maybe try Perth (seems everyone I know is heading there at the mo!)  for a bit just to be able to save some money.  I just so love being here.. but just need to make it work better!

Aha.. perhaps if I can meet a man with a big house, a flash car and some dogs!  QED!