We are talking 3 weddings of friends and a birth...
To start with ...14th January .. Scott, my ex of 6 years who I left 1.5 years ago had a visit from a stork and little Gene was born.
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| Gene - my ex boyfriends new baby.... |
I suppose I wonder how he will adapt to Father hood. A piece of me wonders if it will change him, make him more empathetic, considerate, less selfish, want to get healthy, cut down the booze and cigs. Make him the person I wanted him to be (or do leopards change their spots?).
Another part wonders if he doesn't change how everything is going to pan out, they have only lived together for a year, so they are still very much in honeymoon period... and a baby certainly will add another dimension.
Mmmm.. just not sure how I feel.. just a little sadness... that it seems that our 6 years together seem to have so quickly dissolved into ether, including the hard work that I put into it to try and make it work. So plainly just swept under the carpet. They now have their future... as a family. I am still getting to grips with singledom!
It is difficult when I would have loved to have had a man to love, a child and a family, oh yes, and resemble those perfect TV families. Yes, I would say I have worked hard to try and find that one person, but it is not to be. Now whenever I meet men I have to think (I hope they don't want children!). How easily it seems that my ex has now got that.... and by pure default.
The baby is called Gene. What's rather strange is that on Christmas Eve I spent with a guy called Gene! I had never met anyone with that name before. And on the Monday I actually texted him to ask how he was doing... talk about Gene spooky!
And the other unnerving leave me in the wake event:
Each year I send two emails to Max - a man that I fell in love with 18 years ago. Ironically, I was due to go and see him 7 years ago in Australia.... nearly bought my ticket and then met my ex, so didn't make it... At the end of my last relationship when it was going through all the shitty bits we met up in Sydney. He professed that he loved me, but was about to move in with his girlfriend. I wasn't in an emotional position to leap from one relationship to another (unlike some people!). I said that if we were meant to be together then it would happen in an organic way. And so I wrote to him for Christmas... even saying that I wondered if there were wedding bells or pitter patters of tiny feet on the horizon.
Then I receive back this email:
dearest Pen
thank you so much for persevering with this friendship when I have proven to be so unworthy of it.....i.e. not responding & being way to absorbed with own world. I do apologies that I left you with the feeling that I would not respond as you are one of the most engaging people I have ever met & somebody who I love so completely for being such a wonderful human being. As always Pen I do think that you totally ROCK!
Life has zoomed along & I am to be married in around 5 weeks time. I am incredibly excited & look forward to the start of something wonderful that I will be able to cherish for the rest of my days. I love Candice with all my heart & she is a lovely human being who I respect enormously. There is the discussion between us on the topic of pittering & pattering little feet but we have a few things we would like to do before then but I do hope that it is not in the to distant future. This is something that I never thought would be part of this existence for me but Candice has fostered & nurtured parts of my psyche that I thought either never existed or I had sufficiently buried so as to not impact on my single minded path moving forward. I love her & the changes that have occurred in me because of who she is.
So (your ex) is about to become a dad? Good on him! Assuming that this is what he wants & can handle all the stuff that goes along with that. I do understand that he is your friend but I hold reservations about the man & that level of responsibility is life long, so I do hope that he taking the long view. My apologies to you if that offends you because you are awesome & offending you is not intention.
Wonderful news on all your creative endeavours, you never could be accused of idle hands & I love the way you develop ideas & pursue them with intelligence. Right at the moment you seem to have so many irons in the fire you must be running a foundry up there?! :-)
I imagine that intelligence & tenacity of yours is to much of a challenge for the small minded diving industry types & creates barriers that they can not see past little own over come? But you seem to have a handle on that & made choices that will serve you better than persevering with that situation.
It is wonderful that you managed to see your day for his 80th birthday, your a good daughter but my heart does ache a little for you understanding the challenges of seeing one so close dealing with the rigors of age. Having said that he does sound like he continues to give life a red hot go & it is nice that he is still able to enjoy live music. It's just a shame that TV is filling the void in his day as increasingly it is just crap that they seem to play in a loop. Hehehe. I am sure he is not phased by it though. Thank you for thinking of my dad & family, they are all well & taking on their own challenges. Mum & dad have recently purchased a new property on the Central Coast of NSW, not far from where they currently & are developing plans to build yet another new home. This seems to keep them engaged & they both enjoy the opportunity to take control of their part of that project. Dad continues to work in a consultant role to the business that he has been involved with for so many years which allows him to continue with his domestic travel & he seems to enjoy that. They managed to spend June & half of July in Paris this year which they enjoyed, so they to never let the grass grow under their feet.
My dear Pen I also wish you all the best for this year & with you your exciting endeavours. I thank you for your lovely friendship which I cherish with all my heart & feel so strongly with each message that I receive from you. I have had cause to wonder why timing & distance seemed to conspire against us over our the course of our friendship & there is a part of me that will always mourn that our moons did not align for a second time. Perhaps if I had been smarter on the first alignment :-). I love you & will always hold a genuine affection for you. As always, take good care of you & good luck in 2013. Much love to you.
Mx
thank you so much for persevering with this friendship when I have proven to be so unworthy of it.....i.e. not responding & being way to absorbed with own world. I do apologies that I left you with the feeling that I would not respond as you are one of the most engaging people I have ever met & somebody who I love so completely for being such a wonderful human being. As always Pen I do think that you totally ROCK!
Life has zoomed along & I am to be married in around 5 weeks time. I am incredibly excited & look forward to the start of something wonderful that I will be able to cherish for the rest of my days. I love Candice with all my heart & she is a lovely human being who I respect enormously. There is the discussion between us on the topic of pittering & pattering little feet but we have a few things we would like to do before then but I do hope that it is not in the to distant future. This is something that I never thought would be part of this existence for me but Candice has fostered & nurtured parts of my psyche that I thought either never existed or I had sufficiently buried so as to not impact on my single minded path moving forward. I love her & the changes that have occurred in me because of who she is.
So (your ex) is about to become a dad? Good on him! Assuming that this is what he wants & can handle all the stuff that goes along with that. I do understand that he is your friend but I hold reservations about the man & that level of responsibility is life long, so I do hope that he taking the long view. My apologies to you if that offends you because you are awesome & offending you is not intention.
Wonderful news on all your creative endeavours, you never could be accused of idle hands & I love the way you develop ideas & pursue them with intelligence. Right at the moment you seem to have so many irons in the fire you must be running a foundry up there?! :-)
I imagine that intelligence & tenacity of yours is to much of a challenge for the small minded diving industry types & creates barriers that they can not see past little own over come? But you seem to have a handle on that & made choices that will serve you better than persevering with that situation.
It is wonderful that you managed to see your day for his 80th birthday, your a good daughter but my heart does ache a little for you understanding the challenges of seeing one so close dealing with the rigors of age. Having said that he does sound like he continues to give life a red hot go & it is nice that he is still able to enjoy live music. It's just a shame that TV is filling the void in his day as increasingly it is just crap that they seem to play in a loop. Hehehe. I am sure he is not phased by it though. Thank you for thinking of my dad & family, they are all well & taking on their own challenges. Mum & dad have recently purchased a new property on the Central Coast of NSW, not far from where they currently & are developing plans to build yet another new home. This seems to keep them engaged & they both enjoy the opportunity to take control of their part of that project. Dad continues to work in a consultant role to the business that he has been involved with for so many years which allows him to continue with his domestic travel & he seems to enjoy that. They managed to spend June & half of July in Paris this year which they enjoyed, so they to never let the grass grow under their feet.
My dear Pen I also wish you all the best for this year & with you your exciting endeavours. I thank you for your lovely friendship which I cherish with all my heart & feel so strongly with each message that I receive from you. I have had cause to wonder why timing & distance seemed to conspire against us over our the course of our friendship & there is a part of me that will always mourn that our moons did not align for a second time. Perhaps if I had been smarter on the first alignment :-). I love you & will always hold a genuine affection for you. As always, take good care of you & good luck in 2013. Much love to you.
Mx
So wedding bells are a sounding for Max... in 5 weeks....
I had two friends that have just got married ... one in France (another ex boyfriend) and a girlfriend in Losa Angeles. Anyone else, married, pregnant... engaged??? and only 2 weeks into the near year...
It's just very difficult that we do measure our lives by the main events in it. Marriage, Births... somehow there is an emptiness where there is that empty feeling that probably the only one I'll get to attend in my life.. is ironically my death.. my funeral.. haha!
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