Proper Date

Met up with Mark last night... the bird photographer and wholesale seafood distributor.

me in aug 2011

He is 45, 'but looks younger' as said in his profile.

After too many men in their 20's who haven't got a clue, men in their 30's who are more 'there', but more interested in finding a soul mate to have children and families with I am trying hard to accept that a person more my age is the way to go.

I had been texting and chatting with Mark, so he seemed very nice, a sense of humour, intelligent and successful.

Our first meeting he suggested 'Salsa' - the best restaurant in Port Douglas, that has won many awards.  Not mexican as one would have thought by their name, but beautiful fresh modern food (Clinton ate at this restaurant on 9/11).  So certainly a first for me to have a man who wanted to go somewhere with fine dining!

My first impression was yep.. he's an older man and in the light of the restaurant lights it seemed to highlight a dense hair dye of dark brown/black colour, which is in his photo, but not so noticeable.  I can never understand why one blanket dark colour is deemed to be the answer to the onset of grey hair.  He would look so much better with blonder highlights, with some grey - much more natural looking.

This shock of dark brown/dark hair always reminds me of a hairdresser I knew called Anton I met a while ago in my early 20's.  He was obviously bald, and also highly sensitive about it, so what does he do.  Gets a toupee that looked like a black shag pile rug, that even a blind person could spot a 40 steps.  Images of gorillas when I saw him used to go through my head.

So his 'looking younger' bit was probably an out of a bottle addition.

I had been hoping that when we met all would be magic.  A lover of nature and a sense of humour.. always a good start.  But on the 'date' he talked incessantly about his work... not helping that two other diners were customers - including the owners of the restaurant.  He did disappear and do 'business' with the owners to try and get back onto their books.  He would say 'I seem to be doing a lot of talking about myself'.........  and then continue talking about himself.

He did give me an affectionate hug and kiss on the cheek when I left.

On speaking to Gary, he reckons I should give him another go as he said that when men are nervous they tend to fill gaps with talk (not that there was a chance for any gaps!), and that he might have just been shy.

Anyway, he seems normal enough, solvent, intelligent and actually not bad looking, though I imagine with his bird watching and his job there isn't much time for much else (I invited him to stay in the spare bedroom but he said he had to get back as he had volunteered for a bird tour the next morning!).

Isn't it funny that he is 4 years younger than me, but I see him as being too 'old'.  What a strange sense of perspective I have!

A New Job!

My first day today with another diving company in Port Douglas.  Bit the bullet and have tentatively put my toe into the water (or the Coral Sea, more like).  I have kept it casual by saying that I only wanted 2 or 3 days a week, which fits in with them as they initially said there were no jobs for full time staff.

I must admit after over 2 months not being in the water, it's so nice to be back in diving.  Did start to feel like a beached whale, or a landlocked lubber!

It's pretty cool.  People actually said 'hello' when I walked onto the boat.  Even better I even got a few 'Hello Rosie' - as one guy is a boyfriend of a friend of mine (who I worked with at the other company... and she has now left.. fed up with the whole thing).  And another guy (rather a good looking one) who I had never met before, but knew of me.  Even more of a coincidence as he picked up Gary the other day whilst he was hitchiking back from the airport and Gary mentioned that they ended up talking about me.!

Yes, I think there are politics there, but generally everyone seems to be so much more relaxed and I know they are a tight group and all socialise after work, so we shall see!  It's also better as people know me, so I am not the 'stranger' so much.  Not being so involved and working part time I am hoping that I can skim off the good bits without picking up the dross.

Due to the King Tide (displacement of 3.1 m of water), we had to ask all our customers today to stand on the front of the boat so that it lifted up the back propeller over the shallow water.

Whilst standing at the front who should be in front of us... my old company in their behemoth of a ship.

So pleased that I no longer have to face that regime every day! phew!


As a follow on to my last company.  I have been helping a friend who was fired on the same day that I left.  She has now successfully secured a $10k unfair dismissal proceedings against the company (some element of satisfaction in that for me)...   Whilst all that was happening somebody saw another friend of mine taking some white tablets out of a piece of plastic whilst they were driving the semi-submersible on the pontoon.  This 'somebody' went to their Manager alleging drug use, who went to their Manager, who then flew back their Manager from his holiday..... all for a couple of peppermints kept dry in plastic! Don't you just love knee jerk reactions and higher management running around like headless chickens!

Standing on the front of the boat coming into Port Douglas

Coming in to Port Douglas behind my old company

And over to the right the sun setting on Port

Lucky mascot.. for some!

Seems that I meet these guys on dating sites, get to see them and become regular friends with benefits and then they find themselves a girlfriend....



Matt:


I have built up a lovely relationship with Matt (see earlier blog).  We get on very well, have a laugh and a giggle together and I go to stay with him about once every three weeks for a lovely cuddle and lovemaking.  It is has been obvious from our previous conversations that the status quo of us both is of friends with benefits.

A couple of weeks ago he came over and I cooked dinner (his Father is a chef, and he is no stranger to producing his own culinary delights).  Lamb ribs with couscous and dips with flat bread and salad.. simple but very tasty and the lamb was done 'just right'.  For me it kind of took our relationship up a bit of a notch.  A couple of days later I stayed with him... whereupon I left at 4.00am in the morning to get the Gramac V boat to start my advetnure.

He is a sweety and has himself picked me up from the airport at 4.00am to collect me when I returned from my commercial diving course in Perth.

We hadn't talked about moving forward with our relationship, I have always felt that at 49 I would not be considered as he is 32 and looking for family and settling down methinks.  But I had sometimes thought that we got on so well that it could be a goer.

Last Monday night I asked if I could stay after dropping a friend off at the airport to which he replied he was busy. I ask if I can stay on Sunday night as I have an appointment on Monday am in Cairns - to which he replies that he left his phone at work but will call me.... so I just get the feeling.

So last night after a few drinks I call him and ask if he has met somebody else and he replies that he has met a girl only one time but hat he wishes to progress it.

We agreed to stay friends, but I said that I would leave the ball in his court with regards to him contacting me.

So it's strange that despite how one uses one's head, that actually I felt quite sad when I finished the call.  No matter how much you can tell yourself , yeh, it was just a friendship with extras.. I actually realised how much I did like him and how a little bit emptier my life will be without him in it.  I hope we can progress as friends, which I know is really best for us both so I shall see if he calls.....



Dean:


(see earlier blog)


Found out he had fallen head over heels with a girl by reading their comments together on Facebook with mutual slushy conversations about what a wonderful weekend they had had.  Of couse I messaged him and wished him well.



So hopefully both will find love and happiness and of course all I can do is be pleased that I met them.

Ironically, they were both very considerate unselfish lovers and sexually gave me hope that there are men out there still that don't believe the Hilti Hammer drill making love technique is now what men believe is satisfying to a woman (or more likely they can't be bothered what the woman thinks!).

Still licking my wounds last night and feeling sad about Matt I was emotionally shepherded in to the open arms of a guy that had fancied me for a long time called Chris and I was too weak and a bit drunk to withstand his advances.  He did come back last night, but despite him seeming like a caring, loving, man (he is a teacher at a local primary school) in bed he turned into a bit of an arrogant selfish bastard.. I hate having my hand or head pushed towards crotch like a command and I equally hate being told that he likes anal sex... so I just rolled over and cried.  What is it with these men nowadays? Sex has turned into just that - a cold clinical physical emotionless bit of exercise.

This morning I just leapt out of bed, put my clothes in and said I would drop him home.  I could tell he was highly mortified and kept saying sorry, but I did assure him it was all my fault, which it was..... In thinking to replace one gap of one shape with an infill of another shape!

Birds of the sea

Frogmouth bird.. one of Mark's pics....

I am in new contact with Mark - a new POF man.  He likes camping and wildlife photography.  Oh yes.. me thinks!

So last night he sent me some beautiful photos via email of some wonderful bird shots that he has taken.  In return I sent him some pictures of some of my underwater shots that I had taken with the comment "as a diver I view fish in the sea like birds on the land".

He said that he loved his job very much and on his POF profile it says that he is a 'manager'.  So this morning I wished him a good day and asked what he managed.  

Reply back - he manages a sea food market!

Shiver me timbers!

On GRAMAC V

Monogrammed towels, sheets, polo shirts, caps...

Disabled lift for the 3 decks

Slumming it in the lounge area...

OK, how’s this for spontaneity… get a call on Tuesday afternoon at 3.00 from my friend Charlotte asking if I wanted to go on a luxury boat the next morning for 3 weeks….. Nike ad bi-line was ringing in my head ‘Do It’…. Couldn’t really think of any reasons not to…no commitments, no relationship, no job….  so at 7.30am the next morning found me wheeling my bag onto the shiny timber deck of Gramac V…  A name mixed from a little fishing boat that Graham and Mack owned and that the owner’s Father bought early on.

So now Gramac V is a $10m dollar watery monument to cutting edge technology and boat design.  Complete with electric everything (yep.. doors, blinds, windows, rising large screen TV – just wonder where the persian cat is).  It encompasses 3 separate lift systems for Mick who is disabled and in a wheelchair, the main lift spans 3 decks. 

So who are my crew… Mick, the owner (who due to breaking his back is in a wheelchair), his Philippine girlfriend, Salina , Sam (who is a paid member of staff that looks after the daily running and is an Engineer by trade), Erika his girlfriend studying Public Health, Mick’s two fishing mates, Ron (who starts drinking beer from 8.00am in the morning) and Bob (who has been told to lay off the beer as any more alcohol would kill him) and me.  Average age – 65.. As Mick and friends are in their 70’s and my 49.. doesn’t help to bring the average down!.

As you can see, an interesting ménage… If we got shipwrecked on an island – that would be an interesting one for a TV series!

Mick and his mates (who in their own right own big sailing boats) are diehard old school fishermen (yep… grates very much with me!).  Every fish talked about ends up ‘yeh, ended up with one of those on the end of the line’ or ‘that one tastes good’.  The type of  old style philosophy where the sea is there for plunder, and no problem throwing your garbage into it (Sam and Emily try their best to hide any garbage so it can be deposited in the right place).  When I was introduced and they queried my name – I said I was half Chinese, Ron commented that he thought Chinese people were yellow.. and that I didn’t look very yellow!

Still, they are harmless old codgers enjoying their life… so trying not to be too judgmental.  But certainly biting my lip a bit.  This whole trip is about fishing, so not looking forward to seeing them kill their first one.. which luckily, they haven’t caught anything yet.  When I said I dived they asked if I could dive for crayfish (must say I would be the only diver who wouldn’t be able to find any!).

My first day I kept having these awful panic attacks to get off.   I just sat at the table all day reading.  It’s not one of those boats where you can laze with a book in your hand  lying on the deck.. as that is covered with fishing tackle and lines.  Also can’t swim in the sea as still jelly fish season.. so I am just  panicked, imagining 3 weeks of utter boredom, thinking of all the things I should be doing and wasting my time on this trip, where all I can do is read and eat.  Luckily that evening I realized that I could pick up internet so that saved my life.

Maybe this is going to be a bit of a test for me.  Luckily I was dreading having to share a berth with Bob last night – with his alcoholic red eyes greeting me in the morning, but I inadvertently locked the door to the bedroom, so he had to sleep on the couch.  Because of getting up and 4.00am this morning after a lovely night with Neil, I slept like a baby in my top bunk last night (and no disturbances!).

Salina, Mick’s Philippine girlfriend is very typical Philippine.  Big smile, always happy and let’s just say, one isn’t in their 20’s with a disabled 70 yr old man in a wheelchair in his $10m boat because you think he looks like Brad Pitt.  But saying that they seem to get on very well and I take my hat off to her as it can’t be easy and she does everything very good natured and laughing.   When they say money can’t buy you happiness I just have to look at Salina and Mick and his luxury boat and wonder!

Sam is the only member of staff and just recently got engaged to Emily.  They are in their 20’s and they are the ones I most communicate with. 

My role here is to come on the trip and help out.. I am not paid but they provide my food and obviously accommodation and in return I lend my two hands!  Not sure about my wit, good looks and scintillating personality.

Last night I tasted my first mud crabs… have to say very delicious – and I know there are many around North Queensland so could reconcile eating that.

I am still considering asking if I could get dropped off somewhere.  I think 3 weeks might be too long.  Maximum 2 weeks.  Also I have so much I still want to do and sort out, what with the Nature Says No and I have decided to do dump truck training for the mines. 

Before I left for this trip Peter, who owns the commercial diving company that I want to work for, yet again, told me it was going to be some more weeks before he finds out about whether he can offer me work.  So I am thinking that I just have to move forward….

And move forward I have decided is what I should do… once I get back from this trip… So not sure how many days this trip will be.. but we shall see…! 

Captain’s Log 10^th May – Friday – Ingram Island (Just across from Lizard Island)

Lovely day to day.  Untethered the ‘beast’ – the dinghy tender with wheels (at a whopping $100k price tagt!) and was transported over to the island.  Aaah.. finally, to get wet and so some exercise.  One realizes that on a boat there is not much in the terms of exercise.  Like one’s sitting room on water!

So went for a bit of an explore and sunbathed (my red back is testimony to that!).  Listening to the birds with the backdrop of Selina’s ‘music’ a mixture of ragathon and Philippine karaoke classics. 

It was so good to get wet, and see some underwater life – juvenile Tritan Trigger fish and Six banded Angel Fish.  So lovely to be able to enjoy seeing fish, without worrying that they are going to end up on the end of a hook!

I get the feeling though, that this will be a rare day…. Where we can get off and explore.  It is ironic that I would love to jump off the boat and swim round just for exercise, but due to high winds we have been having and where we are it is a bit difficult (croc infested rivers – highly inadvisable!).

Captain’s Log…. 12^th May 2012, Sunday – Flinders Group – Kennedy River

At sea time seems to go at a different pace… a slow slapping, rippling pace.

Certainly for me the hours seem to stretch into days at a pace that snails would be envious of.

I can say that I am chanting to myself that this is a learning experience and that this has become my mantra.

As days stretch out and internet connection gets more tenuous the contact with the outside world diminishes.

This feeling of being at the arse of the world is enhanced by my reading the book ‘River of Gold’ about the early settlers coming to the region when there was a gold rush in these parts.  Through its description of the cannibalistic tribes, lynch-law, hangings, gambling dens, shanty towns, murders, grog-shops the early settlers had didn’t have it easy.  Inhospitable terrain with equally inhospitable neighbours made it a success for only a small percentage.  Now that the gold has run out it has left a ghostish feel to a land that now time seemsto have forgotten.

The cannibalistic tribes were called the Merkin  (which made me wonder, as I thought this was the name for a false pubic hair piece) and the Myall.  They even coated their spear tips with putrefying human flesh so that any wound made in this climate would ensure death through major infection (or they would eat you before infection set in!).

Apparently the Chinese flesh tasted better than the saltier tougher flesh of the ‘whities’. I would be an interesting delicacy being of mixed white and chinese extraction.

And so it is against the wilderness backdrop that I sit here on a $10m yacht.  Feeling like a bird in a diamond cage. 

I can’t bear to be involved in the fishing.. which is the main activity here and the guys here aren’t bad, just of the generation where women are seen, not heard and good for kitchen, cleaning and bedroom.  Salina, the Philippine girlriend of the owner spends all her time in her bedroom watching movies.  Erica and Sam, as a couple, if not busy are usually ‘holed’ up in their cabin.. which leaves me alone……  sitting here with another aching day of hours ahead of me (already gone through two books!).

Last night I went to bed at 8.00, as the guys were watching Aussie Rules Football on TV. Erika and Salina were putting a lure together to bait squid and since there was nowhere else to be, I went to bed and read.  That’s a record.. in bed at 8.00pm on a Saturday night!

If internet was on , it would be better as I would feel a bit more ‘connected’ but at times like this I feel very on my own.

So much so, that yesterday we pulled up alongside a large ship to refuel and I knew that they were heading for Cairns (ah! 2 days and I would be home!).  Last night I made my mind up that I would ask this morning if there was any space on board for a passage back to Cairns. 

But at 4.00am this morning the anchor came up on our boat and we chugged for 3 hours to the Kennedy River – for more fishing!  So tried to not look at the catfish caught first thing this morning wriggling on the end of the line!

It’s so strange for me to be on a boat where I can’t get in the water.  Chatting to the lady on the fuelling boat last night she said that she had seen crocs in bays miles away from the Rivers and in her words ‘you might be all right’ (with the other inference being …’or you might not’).

I am trying to get into this Australia vibe.. cos on this trip it is a true Ozzie Experience and treat this like a once in a life time experience.  I was thinking that holidays are where you go and relax and enjoy yourself.  Whereas an adventure is where you test yourself into the unknown.  I can definitely say that this is an adventure exploring many areas of myself as well as one of the most unpopulated regions on earth.

We are today in Kennedy River.  


Walter and friend arrive… ex crocodile hunter (a real life Crocodile Dundee!)  and now mud crab fisherman.  Due to Government crack down on croc population he switched to a less glamorous sounding job.  Now it looks like the fish he fishes to bait the crab traps is now under review for protection (Barramundis).


So time to pull out the obligatory tinnies (beers) and it’s like a men’s club, catching up on the gossip and the fishing news.  “Many crocs out there  - one got one of my traps yesterday”….

Definitely men’s club here! 

I am thinking that I will speak to Mick and see if I can get dropped off at Portland Roads.  A small European settlement that is described in the book where ‘mail can be sent, a public phone used and some supplies purchased’ also ‘possibility of arranging flights in and out).  Wish I had internet then I can research it a bit more – otherwise it is a long way round to the other side before I can ‘jump ship’.

Trying not to think of the things I should be organizing with my life…it’s strange how without phone and internet one can feel so helpless!  Also with so little notice, there are things which I need to organize and I just haven’t been able to!  I have somebody arriving today to rent the room in my house… haven’t been able to contact him to say that I won’t be there.. so just hope that he will make himself at home without me!

So, I have been up since 4.00am and it is now only 9.55am (and I have polished all the wood, hovered and cleaned the floors) . I think drinking grog with the ‘boys’ is off… At least it is a sunny day (first day there hasn’t been a strong wind blowing)… Perhaps a sit on the bow sunbathing and.. yep.. read a book!   I am going to look like a crispy lizard or shriveled currant by the end of this trip! 

Ron has been out fishing all day

Footballl is again on the screen.. all day

Selina is watching TV in her room

Luckily I got invited into Sam and Erika’s room to watch Gangs of New York on their computer.  So that helped the hours go by!

Still no internet.

Just helped to get the tender ready…. Laying of the mud crab traps.

Must admit had my first mud crab taste the other day.  With such an unappetizing sounding name I didn’t have high hopes.  But I have to say that it beats lobster hands down for taste.  Mud crabs were and are a main  staple of the aboriginal diet, and I have to say, beats the mealy grubs and other squiggly, crawly and grubby things they have!

Erika, Selina and I had a conversation today.. what’s in a man that makes a deal breaker.. I said ‘bad teeth’, Erika said ‘Mummy’s Boy’, Selina said ‘bad body odour’.  Then it occurred to me that Selina is having a relationship with a man that is paralysed from the waist down, which made me realize how rather insignificant our deal breakers really were!

Also, found out that Bob had a Phillipine wife.. according to Salina, the moment that Philippine girls get their visa for Oz they turn into bitches and they are off….. which makes me wonder if the writing is on the wall for Salina and Mick’s relationship!  Certainly if she married him as well which I know after a few comments she seems to be angling for she would be up for a pretty bumper payoff, thinking that he must be a multi multi millionaire!

Mick has made his money from manufacturing trailers for trucks – like the large road trains – Vawdry trailers..    From my limited experience I would say that the richest people I have met are all people that have launched out by themselves into something that is pretty mundane but with obviously, a large demand!

We are due to be here for a couple of days....... Just thinking of the poor person who has arrived in my house with nobody there… (bit like Goldilocks and the three bears!).  Haven’t been able to tell him that I won’t be there… so he might just find it a bit spooky living in a strange house and not knowing where the occupier is!

Ship’s Log 14^th May 2012, Monday

Got to bed at 8.00pm and up at 7.00am, haven’t slept those hours since I was about 10 years old.

Sitting here eating my muesli and curdled yoghurt, to the sound of the freshly caught mud crabs moving in the bucket and the smell of freshly gutted fish drifting up my nostril.

Taken a bit of a stand (or rather a sit) and switched on the TV for breakfast TV.  Run out of books and there’s only so much ships log one can write in a day!

We are moored up in Kennedy river for a few days.  Beautiful river fringed with mangroves with eagles hovering and white cranes and cockatoos flitting between the branches and picking their way daintily along the muddy shores.

Excitement for the day – taking the tender out for a trip down the river.

So we piled in the little boat and went for a jaunt.  Moored up at the side of a bank where there were about four other tented visitors and where Walt the ex crocodile hunter lived in his modest caravan. 

One realizes that one is never far from other people.  The other 4 settlements were men holidayers coming up for fishing in the river, drinking beer and by the looks of the tyre imprints in the mud, doing wheelies in their trucks.

We exercised our legs and had a walk round the grass tundra and mud flats (not sure what happened to the trees).  A couple of monolithic termite mounds with no termites, a distant view of a fleeing wallaby, and identifying all the animal prints in the dried mud which threw up such suggestions as ‘big cat, dog, dingo, cassowary, emu, wallaby, kangaroo’.

I did mention this morning to Erika that I had wanted to leave the boat at some time before the 3 weeks and preferably rather sooner than later.

Ships Log 15.May 2012  - On way to Night Island

Erika advised me to stay for Night Island which is supposed to be beautiful.  She did say not to mention to Mike about leaving as he will give me short thrift and literally just take me immediately to a drop off point.

So keeping quiet on the leaving front until after Night Island – it’s going to have to be when we near Portland Roads then I can get dropped off there.  Hopefuly with connections down to Cooktown and back to Port Douglas from there.

Looks like there will be no internet or phone connection at all for the rest of this trip.  So only managed a couple of days at the beginning.  Strange how one is so dependent on the internet.  It has become my social life and my contact with the ‘outside’ world.  Being on this boat is a bit like being in a house with a watery moat . Flung toether with 6 other random people like some reality show and then the key thrown away!  If I was on this boat with a friend/boyfriend I think it would be different, but I do feel most days like a square peg in a round hole.


Not Ships Log 16th May 2012 - Alighted onto Portland Roads - back to dry land!

Yep.. Not sure if this was a particulary good decision to get off the boat this morning at a small hamlet of 6 houses - 2 hours away by 4WD drive from anything.. but there you go!  Greeted by the one satellite phone - a rather incongruous telephone box placed on the beach with solar panels on the top (didn't accept coins).

Some element of relief, but also looking back it was a lovely week, and glad that it was only a week!  Manageable for 1 week, but for 3 weeks I think I would have been riding up the walls (or whatever they have similar in nautical terms!).

So I am staying at a guest house here.. and listening to the radio... Searching for the crocodile that was caught or seen furthest West... Mystery solved.. 2m freshwater croc found in 1999 that was 2m long...

Things I find myself doing!

Haven't blogged for a while.

Just thought it funny.. I have just been messaging with a beautiful man on Plenty of Fish.  He seems lovely - just split up from his wife.  He wants to Skype me.  So I managed to make excuses.... "got to get something for dinner"  as I run off to the bathroom.. on with the eye makeup, slap on the foundation and smother on the lipstick and tame my locks (I wish!).. I even sprayed myself with perfume ... DER!!! Now that will be the new technology the Skype and Smell!

Thinking of you Muvver!

I thought this was posted.. but it says that it was still in 'draft' so reposted...

9th April.. the day my Mother died two years ago. I called her 'Muvver' as after the initial 'Mummy' stage she formally announced one day that she was now to be called 'Mother'. So in my rebelliousness I refused and so hit a compromise to call her 'Muvver'.. and that stuck!

What a surreal time.. the death of a parent. The fact of life that is obvious .. but one is never prepared for it. It still side swipes you.

It was always thought my Father would pass away before my Mother as he had been the one 10 years earlier that had been in hospital for a year fighting infections and then with the onset of Parkinsons it was always seemed that that would be the order.

Mum was a forthright, domineering, outspoken and strong character. Mum and illness or death just didn't seem to go together.

Mum always said that she was so not looking forward to getting old. The irony of her getting old was that her knees and hips went (the main things that carried her like a tornado through her life and her hectic schedules and volunteer work). She was still giving the 'old ladies' a lift to places, despite finding it difficult to walk herself. A hip replacement that was mucked up meant that her hip was never to be the same again.

She always said that she didn't want to live to be old or 80 and that she wanted to die in her sleep. So 6 weeks before her 80th birthday she died in her sleep. I know that she would be so happy about that.

A short illness/minor heart attack had her in hospital in the January. She said how she so much enjoyed being in the hospital like a 'holiday' and watching people and reading.. though by the end she just wanted to get home. Two weeks later she was out and back home where I was able to spend that time with her.

She was so pleased to be at 9 stone "I haven't been that weight for a long time" and our last goodbye was me hugging her so close and in someway knowing that was going to be our last hug and trying not to cry. She was happy to be home to see Spring coming up and the snowdrops blooming. Three months later she was dead.

Her spirit is very much with me and many times now I can hear her retorts when I do something wrong (and she was good at retorts!) , her laugh when something funny happens, and her encouragement or approval when I know I am on the right track. She said that she always lived her adventurous life vacariously through me! And yet, one thing she taught me was to find beauty and magic in the small things in life.


Love you Mum and miss you xxOO




Me.. a babe in arms... 49 years ago...