Where's the pride in service gone.....

In the last two days I have been told:

Keep my brief for divers down to 15 minutes. Despite the fact that mine took 20 mins because they were new divers, I wasn't in a hurry and they were asking questions and I wanted to make sure they understood.

Not to help divers as they get onto the boat by helping them take off their fins at the ladder..."they are certified divers they should be able to sort themselves out".

These people are being charged $250 for 3 dives... don't you think a little help here and there might help?

Now I have to just wait and watch people trying awkwardly to take off their fins at the ladder and I can't help.

I love the diving part... but all the rest is SHIT.! I am gritting my teeth and hope that the new year will bring in other work options. Or that some supervisors spontaneously combust!

Is it so wrong to try to give people help. Also, in a briefing if I can address any questions and give a good briefing it makes my job so much easier.

I will write more about work in one of these blogs.. but just getting peeved by this take all the money and give nothing back in return type attitude.

Christmas Cards

Every year I send out hand made Christmas Cards. It's been a tradition for our family and one that I try to continue. Over the years, depending on time, and facilities, I have produced them - some more successful than others, but it's not the end result that matters, it's the importance of embodying what Christmas is really about. That is the gift of time and thought, not how much money one throws at it that is the important message.

Sadly the amount of cards I send out each years are now decreasing as people decease and my capability for mass production also is reduced. So this year only 8 sent out.

Images for the Christmas cards were photographed here in Port Douglas along the Captain Cook Highway. I like the idea of the Star of Bethlehem not just giving light to the wise men, but it's a light of symbolism throughout the year to all the places in the world.

One theory about the star is that it is called the Star of Solomon that was shining at this time, which was not so much a star but if you drew a line to all the planet's positions it then creates a star shape, which happens every 40,000,000 years. Though this did happen 5BC which could throw that theory off (highly premature baby Jesus?)

http://www.aloha.net/~johnboy/pageone.htg/pageone.htm

Views at work

Taken a couple of weeks ago... they are filming Reef Doctors here - a new series. This is the film crew loading up the boat at 5.00am in the morning! Who says working in the film industry is glamorous!




A day not diving - working as crew for ship to shore. Ferrying cruise passengers to shore in our diveboat. First had to drop off the customs people and their sniffer beagle dog (no, not for drugs but for vegetables and food!).

The Shadow within Ourselves

The Supervisor, Rob, on one of the dive boats to the Barrier Reef that I work on, is one of those typical London style bit of a geezer (think Ray Winston crossed with Michael Caine). On one level he is fun, makes jokes, but on the other he is the big I AM. There is an underside to him that betrays all this 'I'm a lovely bloke' aura. It is the arrogance of someone who has a chip on his shoulder. Even after working for 3 weeks as a snorkel guide, I asked to be signed off and he said I had to spend a day with him to see how he does it. So despite me having given snorkel briefings and marine talks that you can count on two hands I had to see how he did it.

It has got to the point that he now lords it arrogantly over customers on the boat. Today two guys came on and asked to dive. It was a busy day, but he could have easily accommodated them, but they were tall, good looking and when he asked if they could snorkel, they joked that they were better than the Japanese (they were Czech). To that he commented that that was very rude and that they can forget about diving that day.

Also, we had a lovely Russian family on board today. I consider that they were educated and wealthy - and all spoke immaculate English. They had all their own equipment including a camera set up that looked like the Star Trek Enterprise with headlamps. They wanted to rinse their gear. I didn't get the full picture, but I could see them talking and I could tell that Robs voice was doing the put down arrogant tone.

In the visitors book today I gave it to the family to fill in their comment was:

"The dives were wonderful and the reef and staff were amazing. Rob was extremely arrogant to me and also to my son who was upset by his attitude".


And so... he is now being accused of the one thing that he loathes in other people.

And so to the shadow within ourselves...

How do we identify shadow material within ourselves? One really easy way is to look at people who we absolutely loathe. They represent something we loathe within ourselves, our shadow material. Example?

I once asked a friend what kind of people irritated her the most. Her response?

"People who just go on and on and on and never make their point. I just hate that. That just keep rattling on and on, repeating themselves over and over again without ever getting to the point. I just hate that. Why don't they say what they mean rather than repeating themselves over and over again?"

(She continued on for another 5 minutes, but I'll spare you. You get the point.) I've noticed this about myself. People who really annoy me are usually doing something I do. Sometimes I'm aware that I do it, sometimes I'm not, unless I pay attention to what I'm "hating" in otherwise.

The more strongly I'm irritated by someone's behaviour, the bigger the shadow in myself.

It is an interesting exercise and it is SOOO TRUE!

Christmas Day

Christmas morning - lying in bed and received a phone call from my ex's sister. I had sent her a card and a letter explaining a little more for the reasons why I left her brother. So we had a lovely chat - that's the worst thing about splitting up with someone, you also split from the family. She is great and even congratulated me on leaving him!

Just noticed that the time on this blog is incorrect... it thinks it is yesterday.. how weird is that - even though my computer has the right time on it.... any ideas how to change that?

Then frantic text messages to all the flakies and friends wishing them a happy xmas.

Christmas and New Year are a time for reflection and contemplation. So what I have achieved in another year of my rather fast flashing life? Should it be even more poignant bearing in mind that 2012 is the Mayan change year - not so much the end of the world, but the end of a cycle - so this could be the last time to contemplate that!

So what have I acheived this year apart from my brain getting considerably more rusty trying to think? I have bought a house in Port Douglas, I have sold my flat in London and in the process of purchasing a property in Costa Rica. I have left a 6 year relationship. Travelled to UK, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, US and reconnected with such wonderful friends. Met and made friends with other amazing people. I have left my job 'in the city' and now working as a diver on the Barrier Reef and have moved 2500 km from Sydney to Port Douglas. I am finally getting back my 'mojo' and believing in myself again.

Whether one's life is ever on track is difficult. That's why this blog is good. To remind me looking back that a life is always full of that rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. I have to remember that life is made up of two types of people - the ones that concentrate on the lows or the other type that concentrate on the highs.

So I move forward hoping that I will be the latter one... that my life will continue to offer me highs to balance the lows.

Today off to the 'waifs and strays' party. Meeting up with friends at their house for the day. We have been asked to bring ice...... to keep the pool cool! That's a first for me!

And so to everyone who reads this blog.. thank you for your interest in little ol' me and may Christmas and New Year be a wonderful one for you all.

And what else happened on Christmas Day... yep.. got a bit messy.. my medley of drinks included 2 bottles of wine, sambuca shot, baileys shot and culminated in a water fight in the pool and my friend who ironically is a pole dancer and me swinging around on the the rotating clothes line. Gary (see previous blog) went to bed at about 10pm, though seeing his well shaped torso in the pool in the water fight got me a little excited! He rang me up this evening and asked "what happened to the clothes line.. ?". I ended up wobbling back on my bike (only fell off once), and was up bright eyed and bushy tailed (not!) for work at 7.00.

The following video is the hot tip way on how to dry your washing whilst imbibing! Yep.. that's me.. got spun off! Only trouble is, dried the washing but broke the washing line! Whoops just got the bill... $235.00 for a new washing line... still.. $120.. (splitting it with my co-washing line conspirator).. worth every dollar!

Just had to share this with you..

At work yesterday , guy came on - Argentinian.

He had the biggest Man MOOBS I have seen. We are talking downward dropping by about 8 inches in a V shape with the very large nipples right on the ends.

Once of the instructos said that whilst she was giving her briefing he took his top off .... and it quite literally stopped her in her tracks.

And for me.. the one with the usual head in the clouds.. even I have to admit that it shocked me back to reality!

The males on the boat said that many a woman would be envious!

What is it with these men!

Well...

Internet Dating beginning to know why all these men are on dating sites... because men on them seem to be as flaky as a chocolate flake that has been stamped on! Or as tired as a limp lettuce leaf that you find at the end of parties.

If it sounds like I am a little hacked off, well yes, I have my hands in the air in exasperation with my mouth open exhaling deeply!

I have met up with 7 men from one dating site:

1.	Still a friend and we enjoy texting each other.. He would like it to be more but I am pleased just to have an intelligent, witty friend!
2.	Lovely guy with braces investing in property, but just a bit bland
3.	Despite a birthday message sent no reply received back. He was OK and would have been fine as a friend.
4.	Control freak that gave me an interview not a date. He asked me pointedly how I regarded personal and house hygiene and the importance of his standards of hygiene and cleanliness. He also warned me that watching TV was bad for my eyes.
5.	Going through ugly split, ex girlfriend tried to commit suicide when we were due to meet, threw him out of the home and in bitter custody dispute
6.	Just split from ex girlfriend and going through custody battle
7.	Arranged to meet up again on numerous occasions and he has now advised me that he has sleep and depression problems. Should have had my suspicions when we first started texting and I asked him to call so we could chat and he said he was too tired. Though not too tired to send sexy texts including a picture of a certain excited member which took me by surprise. So due to meet up today but he was ‘too tired and depressed’. (Alec - the pilot)

Another site I joined a month ago and this is the stats:

418 people viewed me

132 emails – 117 unread, 51 winks

25 invites to speed date

Out of this one:

1.	Spent a long time chatting over a period of weeks (he works on the mines 2 wks on and 1 wk off). Arranged to meet up but he missed the plane and in the week he was back despite a few attempts we never met up. Did have phone sex when he returned back to work (see previous blog). Last time I called him he said he couldn't talk as he was too tired (let him off as it was 10.15pm and he had been working physically in 47 degree heat (and that was in the shade!). See Louis in previous blog post.
2.	Arranged a meeting on a Sunday via text and email. Never spoke to me before that. Rang me up on the Saturday to advise me he couldn’t make it. That was literally the phone call verbatim (obviously a man of few words).. and never heard from him again.
3.	Received a wink from another guy who seemed very nice … sent him a message.. never heard back

So funny, because no. 7 was 'too tired' to meet up today I called my friend Gary here and asked if wanted to do anything today. He said no.. he was 'too tired'. What is it with these men!

It's strange I went past the school a few weeks ago and saw all the Mums collecting their children. It just seemed a life a million miles away from me.

Now when I see couples together I have that same dislocated feeling. I cannot now ever envisage myself in a relationship. Though to add to the irony, my libido which I thought I had lost has now reared its head (unfortunate turn of phrase!).

What about meeting the locals...? you may ask. I did meet two guys on Friday night.. not a good start when they recognised me from my court appearance . They were also present in court for DUI charges. They both share a house and were both caught independently. One of them took a shine to me. English guy from Yorkshire aged 27. When I told him I wasn't interested as I was too old for him he said that 32 was not too old (bless him!). We did chat all evening and I made it clear I wasn't interested. He bared his heart to me and we had an indepth chat. He has come out of a 10 year relationship, ruined through the death of his 9 week baby, which they both couldn't cope well with. Seems like he has been taking refuge in drink and drugs. Quite a sweety but with a 'do not touch' and 'danger, beware' signs to me all over him.

Saw the landscape gardener last night, he didn't even want to acknowledge me. So I have the dichotemy of wanting to have sex, but I don't want just passing ships in the night type thing.. but don't want to launch myself into a full blown relationship......

Friends with benefits ......now just need to find some friends...

I have one called Gary.. that I now hang out with a lot, fit body, musician and works on the yachts but he's very straight down the line, so I don't think he would entertain being a FWB and it's not something you can really ask... makes it a bit cold and could scare him off as a friend.

Trying another tac... going to a singles night in Cairns on 11 January for 35-50 year olds... so could be interesting..

Renting out my spare bedroom.....

I have been renting out my spare room here in Port Douglas via a couch surfing/spare room website.

It has been an interesting exercise.

Made around $600 one month - renting out my spare room at $55 a night!

The first guy who stayed was Karl - a gay guy from Germany. We got on very well and we even took each other out to dinner - had my first eating out experience at Salsa Restaurant here.

Followed by the Finnish couple .. who overtook the whole house. Proceeded to use my brand new stove top and burnt a dark brown ring round it (which retrospectively I think is more of a bad designed hob than their actions). Stocked the fridge with food and cooked all meals here - I ended up hiding in my room! So that wasn't such a success.

Then Peter, another Finnish guy. His friends were running the marathon so he was spending time with them up here. I hardly ever saw him. He went out on Thursday night my famous last words 'nothing much happens in Port Douglas on a Thursday night". Next day he told me that it had all been going off in Port Douglas - violence, drinking, police. He and his friends had discovered a badly beaten up man on the pavement. Even now the police are still trying to piece together what happened to him. Unfortunately, Damian Smith had to have his life support turned off recently, so very tragic.

Karen then stayed - she was here seeing a friend who lives here. We had lovely chats and I took them out to see Gary the Grouper feeding (which was about exciting as seeing the proverbial paint dry)... a little glimpse of Gary's fin. Me trying not to look too hard at the poor marlin's head that they kept dipping in and out of the water to entice Gary with. Karen was so 'excited' that her yawn could have accommodated a dining table and chairs! So that was the most non event on the tourist 'must see' list. We had a good laugh about that. Found out today that she has been listed in the Top 100 People in Melbourne's The Age magazine!

Just booked a couple for January... so will see what that will bring!

Why don't things work.. and small print should be banned...

Why is it life that everything seems so complicated and nothing ever straightforward?

For all those that say that life would be boring if there wasn't something to fight about.. give me boring any day... so here it is ... my list of complications at present:

• Shower fitting bought cheaper from China with 3 year warranty at a third of the price than here in Australia. Now finding that the space between the taps is non standard so now paid a plumber $150 to move the gap

• Dive computer - new innards (sent registered post to the US) put in at a cost of $300 (my beloved Suunto Stinger that they no longer make!). Then sitting in the car one day put me at a depth of 500 ft! Send it back -"no, the warranty only covers the parts not the labour" - so another $150. 3 weeks later still not arrived back.. spent time tracking it - at post office here in Port Douglas - they had written the wrong name on the parcel! Finally get the computer back.. first dive...... ............................. still a watch! Did not go into dive mode to start logging the dive! So back to square one on that.

• Last week broke down in my car. No problem I have roadside assist for 50km radius. Call up.. no, you live in a metropolitan area (der!) so only 20km cover. I am at that time 27km from Cairns and 30 km from Port Douglas. So limp the car to nearer to Port Douglas and call again. No we cannot give you assistance without paying for extra cover as you have moved the car! Now find out contacting them that 20km is the ROUND trip for the recovery vehicle so in actuality I am only covered for 10km! When I asked if I could cancel my membership they said 'Sure..... but we won't refund your money"..name and shame... don't use 24/7 Road Recovery Service!
  

..........................and the car... well that takes a page all on its own!

• In major correspondence with solicitors and Legal Ombudsman back in UK. Fighting over 30,000 pound cock up. The Major works bill on my last property was supposed to be paid by the buyers of my property. When I sold it seems there was no clause in the sales contract saying this, so I had to foot the bill. Argument from lawyers - I didn't instruct them. My argument - I paid for them to legally represent my interests and how do I know what to 'instruct' them about if I am not legally trained. They knew about this amount and should have made sure that it was in my best interests that I didn't have to pay this. Looks like it's going in the solicitor's favour.. so bye bye money! If you think this sounds rather blase... believe me I have shed tears, rung my hands and torn my shirts over this one!
  

• I bought a camera on Ebay for my underwater housing. On arrival the automatic focus didn't work. So sent it back but left the memory card in. No problem got the money back on the camera (minus Ebay and postage costs!), but left my memory card in the camera.. Ordered another memory card 2 weeks ago.. still waiting for it, they replied it could be going through customs. A 4gb memory card?

• I am not going to go through the house renovations... I have a stove top that turned brown on the first 'cook' so Bellini are coming to change that.. they said they would be coming over to change it.. but that was all I heard.

• Still awaiting finishing on the tiles in the kitchen... and just starting on the downstairs bathroom.. oh glee!

• Still to do... send back Swatch dive watch (doesn't work) and my back up UWATEC dive computer (that has to be sent back to manufacturers for battery replacement)

• Just spent $70 on a new internet dongle (love Optus!)... Vodafone dongle didn't work, Telstar dongle didn't work, tethering to Vodafone on my iPhone, didn't work. Ordering Vodafone wifi router via internet didn't work. Trying to order by phone - 1 hour later... didn't work. So this Post comes to you courtesy of Optus dongle!

• Bought an underwater camera with housing on Ebay for when I travelled through Central America before coming to Port. Took 20 photos then the battery died after 3 days. Bought some more batteries. Didn't work. Wrote to the manufacturers from Honduras who advised me I needed stronger batteries (Extra Duracell?). Advised as I am sitting on a little island where you would be lucky to get fresh fruit! Camera never worked so carted it around for 2 months around Central America. I send the camera to them, advising I wanted my money back . They say the camera was faulty and sent me a replacement one (which I don't want as I have cameras and housings here, and bought it specifically for the trip). Now sitting still in its box... will sell on Ebay.
  

Aaah... life and its tribulations..... the rich tapestry of life!

Future posts to come.... changes to my house, friendships developing, work, my artworks, business projects....

Yes, I know, hard to believe since so much of this blog seems concentrated on men, which is such a small percentage of my life here in Port.

There is more happening in my life... but all will be revealed in later posts. They are just the type of blogs that I wish to write with more content ... so waiting till I have that!

Blogging soon...

Virtual Boyfriends.. Virtual Sex...

I think I am beginning to like this virtual world....

I have virtual boyfriends out there ... just text messages flying through the firmament. So I have these names, photos and text messages with the odd late night conversation. No commitment, no worrying about another person, no constrictions, jealousy or responsibility.

Last night a little bit shored up with some dutch courage after a night of Trivia at the local (how predictable is that 'it's a school night so only a few drinks' to go wrong) - I rang Louis (the hunky 23 yr old who missed his plane).. I know slap the hand etc, but hey.. whats not to lose? . He was very pleased to hear from me, and we seemed to pick up just like we left off before. And moving forward to virtual sex over the phone..

I have to say I am quite enjoying this phone sex thing. How erotic is one's own imagination and fantasy! No snoring, no exchange of any bodily fluids, no awkwardness the next morning...

My only concern is about that if I ever got to the real thing.. would it be a let down? Last night was the first time that Louis and I have done this.. his closing comment was "I'll call you tomorrow".. my thought was "oh, no I can't have telephone sex EVERY night'".

Have I now unleashed a monster?

10 day swirl....

PPinP's blog has been severely curtailed I know for the last 10 days.

It has been a swirl....

Paulette arrived - sister of one of my best friends Beatrice. Bit of a leap of faith having a stranger shack up for 10 days... but after the whirlwind I am now sitting here, missing her and just feeling all the dust settle.

She certainly had a no frills tour of Oz... which included:

On her first day she went on an extremely informative tour of the Daintree rainforest, and then met up at Mossman Courthouse where I had been losing the will to live after a stream of aboriginals were paraded in front of me and where 6 hours later I was finally given my punishment. Banned for 1 month plus fine for drunk (if you can count a thimble full of drink.. drunk!) driving. So she had an aboriginal themed day. Not many get to sit in a real Australian courthouse (mmmm now that's an idea).. It's certainly an interesting way to get a feel for the culture of the place.. from the bottom up type of perspective.

We explored the best resort and beach in the area.. and ended up at Turtle Cove.. after an argument where she emphatically thought that rainbow flags meant it was eco friendly and I thought that maybe it indicated gay friendly. We went in to find out. Seeing the noticeboard with the first poster advertising Lesbian Fest and not Eco friendly ways to carve a pumpkin we know who won that one. But we did end up there in a beautiful cove and if you ignored the naked male bums on the sunchairs it was beautiful. We even got into character with the odd 'darlings' to each other.

Another day spent organising a tow truck as the car overheated whilst Paulette was driving back and was abandoned about 20 km away. So the next day we went to rescue it with Paulette and a new friend, Len. But due to the 'small print' in the recovery breakdown contract, we ended up on the side of the road for a couple of hours. All brightened up by seeing 3 turtles with a juvenile swimming around (don't think there is a name for a juvenile turtle).

Why is it I always seem to end up with cars that

like to flash their insides... Another titillating car...

just can't wait to get it's hood up and show off its insides!

We snorkelled on the Low Isles, sipped wine on a yacht and she experienced the joys of diving and the not so joyous experience of seeing how much everything costs here. With the largest 'How Much!!!' for $19 for a plate of pate and toast in a restaurant!

As for Louis, the 23yr old hunk that I was supposed to meet at the airport -- but he missed his plane!..... Watch this space, after many see you laters... and laters.. his ardency seemed to wane off .. his last message the day before he was due to return was "Be good to hear your voice".. as it then trailed off into the stratosphere.

Funnily enough the phone went at about 2.00 am a few days ago and on the other end was Matt (see previous blog for pic). Seems the special vodka that he had been imbibing activated those special ‘remember Penelope’ brain cells. We had a chat .. eloquence is not my forte when being woken up in the wee hours. He has also disappeared now back into the stratosphere... I'll just have to wait until his next special vodka session!

My last date was with Alec who is a pilot– a charming 29 year old.. who either has the hots for me or is desperate.. Trying to work that one out. We met up and he was very keen on going swimming.. so we had a lovely wallow in the Sheraton pool. In a little shallow secluded area he started to give me a massage – then sat on my back for better positioning. Afterwards I didn’t want to turn over – rather a suggestive position so I pulled myself along like a creeping crocodile… When I asked him why he hasn't a girlfriend.. he said because all the local girls here only want to go out with a tradey or someone who works on the mines and has a ute (a car front - van back type of set up). When he tells girls that he is a pilot they aren't impressed.. how funny life is! Well, that leaves all the interesting, intelligent men out there looking for someone! Ah.. don't you just love niche markets!

After his last text ‘we should have a sleep over’ I haven’t replied. All seems a bit too full on. He is not unattractive and he is totally ‘there’ and a real sweety, but just not sure. Aaah don’t you just love indecision. Well, I suppose that is me at the moment.. confusion.

Alec in job mode....

So here I am sitting here after her visit and missing her vitality, energy and think that sometimes in life it is good to put oneself out on a limb. It has been a lovely experience for us both to explore the local sites together. Also through her I have made new friends which I will talk about more in further blogs. So, methinks I had better now knuckle down.. got to finish my marriage celebrant studies and start getting on with my other projects.

Kitchen is now finished and the small bathroom is now a shell... just a word.. if you do buy a shower unit from China that is $400 cheaper than here. Just be aware that the taps are not a standard distance apart. So now have to pay a plumber $200 to change the width of the existing taps.. aaah, life is always full of one step back to go one step forward...

Today set off to pick up my two blind dates from the International Airport in Cairns.... one 23yr old hunk and a close friends sister - two people I have never met before! Should be interesting.. and indeed it was. I had only just left Port when my phone rang... a plaintive voice from 23yr old hunk saying that he missed his flight... so now only one person to pick up!

Sods law I have tomorrow off so I could have picked him up.. but nay.. I have an appointment at Mosman magistrate Court for my drunk driving charge tomorrow. So that's going to put the kaibush on any plans to go and pop over to see him. And before you say, he hasn't got a car here. it's in Melbourne and being under 23 he isn't insured to drive my car..

Aaaah.. just got a text saying that he can drive over and see me tomorrow as he has got a car.. !:)

Now that could be a solution!


Here's one profile pic that got away..... brings a new meaning to 'playing by ear'.

Reminds me of going to see a band and was told about one of the guitarists who was playing naked and the back plate wasn't on the back of his guitar. Result was one guitarist bonded to the mechanisms of his guitar by his short and curlys.

Just had to post some more of these...... profile pics.. .the photos that will make you stop in your tracks and want to date these guys....




Well. can't resist a profile pic of a man groping a woman's tits!

Only in Australia.....

Hobbies.. wearing an anorak and train spotting?

Do you get three for the price of one... ?

Likes Bands:... ZZ Top!
There is a man under there .. somewhere!

Profile Pic.. complete with blood running down the face (his other pic is one with someone who looks like a girlfriend)

"looking for a sensual and fun woman

I am looking to have a great summer and would like to share in some adventures. I look after myself and prefer to be outdoors... "


Who is he kidding.. 'look after myself'.. the only exercise he looks like he gets is catching the next tinny of beer being thrown at him!

Pensive Plucking!

It's funny how one doesn't notice anything and then 'bam!'.

I suppose it's a while since I have preened myself ready for a male admirer.

I have always prided myself on not having any grey hairs - my Mother and Father both went grey late in life.

On glancing down absent mindedly towards my pubic hairs... I noticed with horror that my otherwise dark brown - cuffs match the collar, now don't. I have veritable salt and pepper minge!

So for the last twenty minutes I have been doing some frantic plucking and hoping that the adage that if you remove one, then another 20 grow in its place isn't true.

Reminds me of that Episode of Sex in the City when Samantha discovers she has a grey hair and then goes on to die her pubic hair , which does a Pollyanna of then having the resemblance of a manic panic orange clown rather than the subtle tones of a flaxen haired maiden.

Also, through my vanity – now that my rendez-vous with my toy boy seems imminent- I don’t want to frighten the poor guy off! Especially when he thinks I am 9 years younger than advertised.

It struck me how quick the metamorphosis has happened. I remember seeing one about 8 months ago, but obviously keeping them in a warm place and in the dark has multiplied them!

Perhaps they have done the Dorian Gray on me – and that all the stress and emotional turmoil of the last 6 months has descended on my nether regions rather than on my higher head region?

Well, they have all been plucked out now… and I have an idea .. do they do Lady Grecian for nether hair? Or maybe shave it all off and stick on a Merkin (false pubic wig!).

We have love....in the sound of laughter....locked fingers...It will leave and it will come again, and when it does I'll give up everything and take it. Just like I am an addict. Like dry grass in new rain. It's not something I'm proud of, necessarily. Then again, maybe I am.

Girls in trucks:Katie Crouch


Interesting story brewing.. so watch out for the blog on this one ... I am collecting a buffed up 23yr old who I have been having constant phone calls with for the last 2 weeks for our first 'get-together', and the sister of a close friend who I have never met who is staying for 10 days....both at 9.00 next Tuesday from the airport. How weird is this going to be......picking up 2 people I have never met before.....(the timing is somewhat unfortunate....)

I'll keep you posted on that one!

VW Beetling in Port

I did mention in a previous blog about buying a car. A bit of an indulgence, but here in Port it’s a bit like being on an island.. so my release to drive to the big smoke does calm down the island fever.

Nothing better than radio on high volume driving along the Captain Cook Highway and International World Heritage site. With the passing scenery of mountains, rain forests and fern encrusted crags on one side and the Coral Sea lapping on the other.

My first VW was a light eggshell blue but I selected a beautiful metallic lagoon sea light blue that I wanted it recoloured with. My friend who was a sprayer said he would do it for me, which he duly did. On going to pick up the car I was presented with a dark green swamp green, not my blue lagoon blue.

Being the oil hungry beast that it was and my mechanical negligence I did manage to blow up the very imaginatively named 'back end' one unfortunate trip down the M1 Motorway with its final gasping splutter being an almighty explosion of metal parts exploding from the ruptured engine.

Another friend who was a mechanic offered to organise putting a new engine in. 500 pounds later and the new engine was duly fitted. I start the engine up, drive 100 metres down the road and with a grating metal noise and splutter my car died (very similar to the dying sounds of the last one!). Never to be resurrected again. My ‘new’ engine was a reconditioned second hand engine with no warranty and was advised that 'that was that'.

After the disasters above, and a freezing 4 hour journey to Manchester from London wrapped in sleeping bags (heater.. what heater?) my maximum speed 50 mph Beetle trundled into my car history memory.

Also a reason I was so mortified about the ‘swamp green’ colour was that a friend of mine swore on all that was sacred (which thinking about him now.. wasn’t very much!) that green cars were bad luck. A theory all backed up and enforced when he was given a new GREEN company car, despite his protestations. He had had it a week and turned up to Rugby practice. Unbeknown to him the wheels disturbed the embers of a fire that had been lit. He found out when his car became less green and more red and orange from the fire ball that then rapidly engulfed it.

And so it was I bid goodbye to my mean green machine. The only time I have sold a car where it had to be trailered away – not quite one careful lady owner.

From that moment on I loved Beetles, but decided that one day I would like one with the personality but without the bad aspect of vintage and a sea lagoon aqua blue....

So enter my new car…

Sitting there just smiling at me in the showroom. It wasn’t even on the sales lot – it was awaiting it’s tarting up before being displayed.

So in my spontaneous way (Ok, I did do some research on the internet on prices and been to every other car showroom in Cairns) I said I would take it.

These are the points that I wanted addressed in its tarting up, which they were doing post sale:

• Chip in windscreen to be mended
• Knob for internal wing mirror correction to be replaced
• Clunks when steering wheel right over to right or left
• Dashboard sticky (for some reason the surface of the dashboard and everywhere black feels like someone has projectile vomited marmalade – so sticky!)
• Electric 12v lighter doesn’t work
• 
  
• Handle for the wing mirror adjustments inside missing

On getting it back from ‘tarting up’ the only thing fixed was the 12v lighter and the knob for the wing mirror.

So back again for the rest.

After ‘back again’

Windscreen chip mended

Given a bottle of solution that was the ‘solution’ to my stickiness.

And now the car was coughing out black pieces grease impregnated foam from the left air vent that was alighting delicately on the light beige upholstery leaving grubby black specks.

I asked for the clunk to be looked into – but they said they would need the car for a while.

I said that I had no form of transport. After putting their foot down and saying that they couldn’t give me a replacement. As I sat in my car before I drove off I put the A/C on and there was a grating and grinding sound…. Seems the fan had broken – so out comes the guy from the car dealer and says - I can hear that noise all the way from my office.. "OK we will take the car to look at it.. have one of ours to drive……………."

So enter the Forester my replacement car for a week – now who would have thought it was straight off a car sales yard. I did think that maybe if I sold it I could get some commission!

So after a week collect my beloved blue beetle. A/C doesn’t make sound.. .but yes, the steering still ‘clunks’.

Parked my car overnight in Port Douglas High Street – big mistake – under the trees where all the paraqueets spend the night.

Notice in this movie.. where the empty parking spaces are…… oh how wise it is to learn by experience!

What my car looked like the next morning……….

The WHOLE car covered in quick setting, hard paraqueet bird shit. Managed to make out the outside world through the blobs on the windscreen to make it home. Googled how to get bird shit off a car without also taking off the paintwork.. that could be a new problem.. the spotted VW Beetle!

All bird shit very carefully removed and then the next weekend….. Came out on a Saturday morning to find my windscreen smashed…..

With my CSI investigative skills it looked to be caused by the rounded end of a full beer bottle. Somebody must have thrown a bottle of beer and I landed awkwardly on my windscreen. Sods law is that I had to park it in the path because my car port was full of flat pack kitchen boxes.

So it was driving round.. not quite through rose tinted spectacles..more like crazed tainted windscreen!

So the next week back to Cairns for a new windscreen at $250 (don’t you just love throwing money into that proverbial bottomless bucket!).

So finally, last weekend went to a garage to see about my clunking steering. The garage got it up on the ramps fiddled with a few bolts and c’est la vie .. apparently.

The raining greasy foam spitting out the air vents was supposed to abate with time - "just drive it with the vents on full and this should clear it"

By the afternoon of yesterday I had returned to the garage with the following problems:

The ABS warning light and the handbrake light don’t go off

And another problem … the AC is now not working!

And to add insult to injury now ALL the air vents are spewing out dirty pieces of black impregnated greasy foam!

Is this a blue car now masquerading as a green one? Has my swamp challenged previous car now metamorphosised into my smiling blue one…?

Still, one thing less after hours of rigourous scrubbing my dashboard is now non stick!

I still love driving my aqua herbie. People know are getting to know me and my car.. people coming up and saying – I saw your car by the pool, or “has your car broken down it has been on the side of the road for a few days” (mmm that was after my little breathalyzer incident, where I was unable to move the car for 48 hours according to law!).

One final incident – I went to pick up my car after leaving it overnight (not under the paraqueet tree) early one morning. The owner of the shop said that he saw a tree frog on my car and helped it into the nearby shrubbery, He said it was a sign of good luck!

Mini Driver and Keith Urban seen together in a bar in Port Douglas

Gareth..........
where's my picture?.. well, that would be telling!

Today, 2nd November is Melbourne Cup Day - the biggest horse race in Australia.

I had bought a ticket to a very fancy chi chi foo foo luncheon here in Port Douglas. But due to running round like a blue arsed fly arrived just after the race had finished and 4 hours after the actual luncheon had started! You know it's posh when you are sitting next to a man with a four door Ferrari (not that he told me.. but there was some mumblings from people querying this phenomenon of a Ferrari with four doors afterwards).

In retrospect to start drinking at 11.00am was a hell of a lot of pacing till 10.00pm.

So it was a bit more controllable to arrive at 2.30pm!

Managed to get ready in 10 minutes (eat your heart out all those men that say women take a long time!). Fascinator (now how did it get it's name?) on, high shoes on, lipstick applied, earrings in and that little black dress that had to cover a not so little body. So out with the corset.... the underwear that packs the meat into an inward curve rather than outward oscillations of undulating lard.

After chi chi foo foo Salsa Restaurant.. onward for more merrymaking at the Courty (The Courthouse Hotel/Bar).

You know the alcohol is having effect when out of the men's toilet walks a guy that I just had to say 'hello! to - enter Gareth'. Now there are not many men that turn my head at the moment - but his style and bearing and looks were right up my alley.

As my Dutch courage continues to get more nationalistic with each drink.... I would see him moving around the bar and we ended up chatting - or rather mutually just exclaiming to each other 'you are gorgeous' and 'you are gorgeous' stage. Him saying how firm my body looks .....(me thinks.. thank God for corset!)

He is English from within miles where I used to live in London. He has 47 acres about 20 minutes from here (I did mention 42 by mistake... .but he promptly corrected me!). Has horses and dogs and is a bookbinder by trade (but not much call for that in North Queensland) but works in Real Estate in the next town. His Father was a sculptor at St Martins.. my Mother was a sculptoress at Slade so we had much to talk about. He also quite obviously wore a wedding ring. So when I pointed this out he didn't deny it and said that his wife who was the first woman to cross Antarctica (or some such frozen wasteland) works away 5 days a week and they have an open relationship. Either the truth or a big lie.... but hey why go out with your wedding ring on if you are on the pull (which he obviously was as he had a hotel room in Port).

We did the touch feelly - caressing each others hands bit.. so all good... and the alcohol was kicking in (about this time I was on the tequila shots).

In the midst of our courting display a couple came up to me looking all awkward and then asked if I was Mini Driver - when I said in my very English accent that I wasn't - I am sure they weren't convinced.

Then a little while later another couple come up all awkward to Gareth and asked if he was Keith Urban (country singer and husband of Nicole Kidman).

Can just imagine the tabloids with that one - Keith Urban and Mini Driver seen drinking and caressing each other in a bar in Port Douglas!

Gareth and I happily wandered towards home.. he complained of being hungry so he grabbed a curry and all was boding well.

Got home .. Enter the sound of the proverbial screech of the needle across the record noise.

Suddenly realised I had to get the corset off, before I ended up with a Bridget Jones moment. So I hurry into the bathroom and stuff it into a cupboard.. by this time he has moved rather swiftly naked into my bed. I get to the bedroom and think... oh shit .. I can't do anything now but breathe in and whip my dress off... and dive hurriedly under the covers, before realisation sets in that those firm lines of my former body were as firm as his marriage vows!

The inevitable took place in a very perfunctory way. I could feel that something had fallen very flat - to the point that a certain member was having problems rising to the occasion, despite oral encouragement. Awfully I did do the ex comparison (who had a baby arm of a shlong) and found him wanting in the size arena and in the lovemaking stakes on all levels. Sure enough when the roll off happened he claimed he had a momentus migraine and wanted to leave! (Note to self - remember to buy Nurofen/Aspirin next shopping trip). "Eat my dust" - as Gareth left in a whirlwind.


Footnote: Got email from my ex 'S' today...

Haven't heard from you in a while. Was wondering if you were OK. I'm sure my last 
email was not something you wanted to receive, but I needed to let you know. The last 
thing I wanted to do was have our friendship fall apart. Like you said, my life has 
been better with you in it as well. I hope we can still remain on good terms. You 
aren't vindictive or hateful. I tried calling on Friday night. If you feel you can't 
speak to me.....thats OK. 
Speak soon and take care
 
XX  


Oh dear - really don't know what to do - so in my usual way I have put my head in a 
bucket of sand and tried to ignore it.

If I call him I am worried that I will make cyncial and bitter snidey digs.  I was 
thinking to try and talk like nothing had happened and 'that I don't really care' and 
that I have moved on - but I don't know if I have the strength to manage this tactic 
and instead of being the latter will revert to the former.

Thinking it might just be best to email him with a one liner like.. will be in contact
but at the moment having a bit of space might be a good idea.

MMmmmm - I'll keep my head in the bucket until something comes up!

'