Flung into January with a whirlwind

Yes, I've tried Plenty of Fish, RSVP, Zoosk dating sites.

A friend who stayed mentioned about a phone app called Badoo.  Because Tony recommended it I thought 'ah, a friendship site not based on sexual hookups'.

So after downloading off I go 'cruising'.  It allows you to go through all the pictures and click if you like them.  On the flip side the men do this on the other side.  And hey presto.. up comes pictures of your mutually attracted suitors.

I was quite surprised at the standard and ended up clicking a few.  Though was disappointed that my clicked men were dispersed all over the coutnry.  And Australia's a big country.  I thought it would be easier to search regionally.

The messages came in thick and fast (didn't realise that ALL my photos had been downloaded by Badoo from my Facebook and I ended up having about 56 photos on my profile pictures!).

My first 'encounter' started off well with a guy who lived an hour away.  We chatted, he seemed nice (and good looking) and we thought it might be good to meet up for a drink or a coffee.... and then..........  "can I ask if you will do something special for me"... I thought.. "here it comes".  So this man had a fantasy of wanting a stranger to just find him and watch him please himself.  At first I thought 'oh well, I can just meet up and look the other way and then go for a drink or coffee'.. But after he asked if he could come on my hands or my bare breasts I realised that my involvement was being sought, and gazing at background scenery wasn't going to cut it.  When I said I would meet without acting out the scenario I thought the message had sunk in.  So after a few days when he mentioned a possible rendez vous date , a message out of the blue came up "well, you can just watch then".

I didn't reply.

Another message popped up showing a tight , muscle bound torso and a man I wouldn't normally go for with a profile description:

"I am looking to contact women who have more than just beauty.  Who have a soul and where intelligence and spirit create this".

Ah!  A man with intelligence and not into the superficiality of trawling for sex that some men on these sites have as their modus operandi.

It was even refreshing that when we first chatted he asked if we could talk on the phone... how strange that sounded.. I do believe phones should now be renamed texters, people just don't want to talk on the phone anymore.  It has been scientifically proven that much of an attraction a woman has with a man is his voice and that you can tell a lot by someone consciously or subconsciously.

So here beginneth the marathon phone conversations.. (thank goodness for viber and Skype).  Christof is French from Nice, scaringly intelligent, 2 Masters Degrees and now studying for his PhD in Brisbane. He arrived 8 months ago and talks amazingly good English.  He is a man that has a high intellect and is a unique character.

He never asked anything sleazy and seemed genuine.  Our conversations became much more closer, not by topic but just the feeling that we were forging a bond.  The conversation turned to him coming to see me.

With an earlier aside saying that if all went well he would pay for me to go to Brazil with him, I thought that he didn't seem to strapped for cash.  I did say "let's just see how it goes" (though highly excited about the prospect of course). So a flight to Port Douglas woudln't put too much of a stress on his wallet.

He said he had a two week holiday coming up and would look to come up then.  It was initially for a couple of weeks (bit of a worry for a man I've never met).  He said he would surprise me when he was going to arrive.

Before I knew it I had a text saying he had booked it, but for only 5 days.

Texts continued to be exchanged

"I'm sure our love will grow up it doesn't matter why n how we are going to live together'

"I am so proud and blessed to be in your life"

"Bonjour love, here's your morning kiss"

"Hello Princess"

"Thank you for your picture of the view from the boat, I looked at it and imagined me standing behind you holding you and looking out with you'

On talking about staying he said he just wanted to cuddle me.

Maybe too good to be true.  I initially thought well it can't be a scam, he hasn't asked for money.

When I asked about other women he said that he does meet women when he rarely goes out to clubs and pubs (four times since he has been here) and each time has been asked back for coffee.. and then gets up and leaves - probably escorted to the door by a shocked, gaping women, who was reworking her definition of "come back for coffee'.  He genuinley just goes for coffee as he doesn't follow up with women unless he feels they are special.

So for him to throw all this love and attention at me bowled me over!

Then he slipped off the radar for a couple of days.. I was tempted to do the "Are you ok' messaging but thought I would play it cool.  So a message "Im so sorry been in the hospital for 2 days" was a bit of a shock.  He didn't want to talk about it straight away "Sorry just don't feel good to talk cos I had bad news and am trying to believe it'.

Later the next day he said he was ok to talk ... seems that they have found a cancer tumour in his stomach and he needs to get it attended to urgently.

He was already complaining about feeling tired before - which, to me shows that his body is fighting something.  He still goes to the gym, but saying that he was so tired.

The day we chatted about his cancer was the day that he said he was due to arrive here in Port Douglas as a suprise to me.  Obviously that trip is now curtailed with another trip to the hospital on Monday for more tests.

He is 30 years old, fit and mixed in with that slight overbearingness of the French is a beautiful, sensitive man who believes in love and soul partners and wants to be there.  He has an old head on young shoulders and seemed to be strong with it and is wanting to fight it.

This has all happened over a period of 2 weeks..

I have been holding back emotionally with my sensible head on.

My sensible head and my stupid head merged today.. I have continued to message with men that contacted me from Badoo - well, today I accidentally texted back an inocuous message "Ah, so you live in Sydney", which poor Christof received as a text message  - while receiving the restults of tests .  He replied with a  "what?"


Yep.. sent it to Christof by mistake.

Oh dear..  did the shit hit the fan!  So much shit I couldn't see the fan.

Yes, I am getting emotionally very involved with Christof, if it happened to me I would be upset.. but I don't consider two weeks, never met, never had sex is a committed relationship.  But for Christof who was literally declaring undying love it struck him hard.

So after discussing and talking - his first text was "I feel so down and disappointed. Good luck was lovely knowing you.  N thanks for everything".

Finally, after some similar texts and "Promise I'm not going to meet anyone else anymore. Happy to be by myself"  I didn't reply.

Then a message "When u have the time u can call me" - the white flag!

This evening we had make up sex over the phone, I think he has forgiven me (for my sins!). I'm off all the chat and dating sites now and realise how special he is.

Yep.. cerebally I did nothing wrong,  we weren't in a relationship, I've never even met him.  But to be true to myself and him, yes, there is an emotional involvement and that did compromise what we both believed was happening to us.

I think we are back on track.. for what -  is a worry.... it's a long road ahead.. with his cancer and our distance apart (only an hour away on a plane, but $300 round trip, could be the biggest hiccup for me).

Christof says he is going to use all his money to fight this... so with paying privatley for  a lengthy cancer treatment even Christof coming to see me might be more of an expense for him.

I don't know if I'm being highly stupid or if jumping off the deep end and just going with the flow is going to leave me up the proverbial shit creek -  (I am well aware of keeping my head whilst losing my heart... haha famous last words!).

It could be a rocky ride.. strap myself in...

Flung into January with a whirlwind

Yes, I've tried Plenty of Fish, RSVP, Zoosk dating sites.

A friend who stayed mentioned about a phone app called Badoo.  Because Tony recommended it I thought 'ah, a friendship site not based on sexual hookups'.

So after downloading off I go 'cruising'.  It allows you to go through all the pictures and click if you like them.  On the flip side the men do this on the other side.  And hey presto.. up comes pictures of your mutually attracted suitors.

I was quite surprised at the standard and ended up clicking a few.  Though was disappointed that my clicked men were dispersed all over the coutnry.  And that's a big country.  I thought it was more a regional thing.

The messages came in thick and fast (didn't realise that ALL my photos had been downloaded by Badoo and I ended up having about 56 photos on my profile pictures!).

My first 'encounter' started off well with a guy who lived an hour away.  We chatted he seemed nice and we thought it might be good to meet up for a drink or a coffee.... and then..........  "can you ask if you will do something special for me"... I thought.. "here it comes".  So this man had a fantasy of wanting a stranger to just find him and watch him please himself.  At first i thought oh well, I can just meet up and look the other way and then go for a drink or coffe.. But after he asked if he could come on my hands or my bare breasts I realised that my involvement was being sought.  When I said I would meet without acting out the scenario I thought the message had sunk in.  So after a few days were mentioned as possible rendez vous dates a message out of the blue came up "well, you can just watch then".

I didn't reply.

Another message popped up showing a tight torso and a man I wouldn't normally go for with a profile description:

"I am looking to contact women who have more than just beauty.  Who have a soul and where intelligence and spirit create this".

Ah!  A man with intelligence and not into the superficiality of trawling for sex that some men on these sites have as their modus operandi.

It was even refreshing that when we first chatted he asked if we could talk on the phone... how strange that sounded.. I do believe phones should now be texters, people just don't want to talk on the phone.  It has been scientifically proven that much of an attraction a woman has with a man is his voice and that you can tell a lot by someone consciously or unconsciously.

So here beginneth the marathon phone conversations.. (thank goodness for viber and Skype).  Christof is French from Nice, scaringly intelligent, 2 Masters Degrees and now studying for his PhD in Brisbane. He arrived 8 months ago and talks amazingly good English.  He is a man that has a high intellect and is a unique character.

He never asked anything sleazy and seemed genuine.  Our conversations became much more closer, not by topic but just the feeling that we were forging a bond.  The conversation turned to him coming to see me.

With an earlier aside saying that if all went well he would pay for me to go to Brazil with him, I thought that he didn't seem to strapped for cash.  I did say "let's just see how it goes" (though highly excited about the prospect of course). So a flight to Port Douglas didn't put too much of a stress on his wallet.

He said he had a two week holiday coming up and would look to come up then.  It was initially for a couple of weeks (bit of a worry for a man I've never met).  He said he would surprise me when he was going to arrive.

Before I knew it I had a text saying he had booked it, but for only 5 days.

Texts continued to be exchanged

"I'm sure our love will grow up it doesn't matter why n how we are going to live together'

"I am so proud and blessed to be in your life"

"Bonjour love, here's your morning kiss"

"Hello Princess"

"Thank you for your picture of the view from the boat, I looked at it and imagined me standing behind you holding you and looking out with you'

On talking about staying he said he just wanted to cuddle me.

Maybe too good to be true.  I initially thought well it can't be a scam, he hasn't asked for money.

When I asked about other women he said that he does meet women out and goes for coffee.. and then gets up and leaves after the coffee.  He genuinly just goes for coffee as he doesn't follow up with women unless he feels they are special.

So for him to throw all this love and attention at me bowled me over!

Then he slipped off the radar for a couple of days.. I was tempted to do the "Are you ok' messaging but thought I would play it cool.  So a message "Im so sorry been in the hospital for 2 days" was a bit of a shock.  He didn't want to talk about it straight away "Sorry just don't feel good to talk cos I had band new and am trying to believe it'.

Later the next day he said he was ok to talk ... seems that they have found a cancer tumour in his stomach and he needs to get it attended to urgently.

He was already complaining about feeling tired before - which, to me shows that his body is fighting something.  He still goes to the gym, but saying that he was so tired.

The day we chatted about his cancer was the day that he said he was due to arrive here in Port Douglas as a suprise to me.  Obviously that trip is now curtailed with another trip to the hospital on Monday for more tests.

He is 30 years old, fit and mixed in with that slight overbearingness of the French is a beautiful, sensitive man who believes in love and soul partners and wants to be there.  He has an old head on young shoulders and seemed to be strong with it and is wanting to fight it.

This has all happened over a period of 2 weeks..

I have been holding back emotionally with my sensible head on.

My sensible head and my stupid head merged today.. I have continued to message with men that contact me from Badoo - well, today I accidentally texted back an inocuous message "Ah, so you live in Sydney", which poor Christof received while receiving the restults of tests with the reply "what?"


Yep.. sent it to Christof by mistake.

Oh dear..  did the shit hit the fan!  So much shit I couldn't see the fan.

Yes, I am getting emotionally very involved with Christof, if it happened to me I would be upset.. but I don't consider two weeks, never met, never had sex is a committed relationship.  But for Christof who was literally declaring undying love it struck him hard.

So after discussing and talking - his first text was "I feel so down and disappointed. Good luck was lovely knowing you.  N thanks for everything".

Finally, after some similar texts and "Promise I'm not going to meet anyone else anymore. Happy to be by myself"  I didn't reply.

Then a message "When u have the time u can call me" - the white flag!

This evening we had make up sex over the phone, I think he has forgiven me (for my sins!). I'm off all the chat and dating sites now and realise how special he is.

Yep.. cerebally I did nothing wrong,  we weren't in a relationship, I've never even met him.  But to be true to myself and him, yes, there is an emotional involvement and that did compromise what we both believed was happening to us.

I think we are back on track.. for what is a worry.... it's a long road ahead.. with his cancer and our distance apart (only an hour away on a plane, but $300 round trip, could be the biggest hiccup for me).

Christof says he is going to use all his money to fight this... so with private health on a lengthy cancer treatment even Christof coming to see me might be more of an expense for him.

I don't know if I'm being highly stupid or if jumping off the deep end and just going with the flow (I am well aware of keeping my head whilst losing my heart... haha famous last words!).

It could be a rocky ride.. strap myself in...

New Year Reolutions!

Not to make any!!

Resolutions - Nope.. just setting myself up for failure!

I try and think at the end of the year what I have achieved or what I have experienced new.. so here they are:

• I tasted S.American Cherries
• I started liking crocodile and laksa meat pies
• I Officiated for the first time as a wedding celebrant
• First job as a Commercial Diver
• I have never had a 6 ft roll of paper whcih had printed on it a naked man .. along with that I have never had a photocopy of a blown up enis in my car either (the game for the hen's function that I was organising.
• Ah , yes first time I have organised a hen night!
• I discovered the great uses of epoxy glue that can be used in such a multitude of different ways.
• My first permanent stall of my driftwood items.
• Developed my natural product range to include heel balm hangover cure, multi-cleaner, face spritzer
• Attended my first basket ball game
• First time to swim in an aboriginal birthing lake
• First job working on a local newspaper - and magazine.. columns written, photos published..
• Had a bunch of flower given to me (well' that doesn't happen every year.. believe me!)
• My photos and columns published.  Written my first columns on Food and Wine , Beauty, Theatre review..
• First time dancing on a beach at a disco in Ibiza
• First time that I have ever lost my luggage.... (returned to me after a 2 months!).
• First time I spent Christmas by myself
• I started to get into the routine of yoghurt and fruit in the morning for breakfast
• I swam my first km and continue to swim it most weeks this year...
• I had my first anti-aging treatment, which lasted for about 4 months.. (the vampire facial) - given free as part of a beauty piece I was writing
• First and last time I'll ever be Aunty of the Groom at a wedding!
• First time I've traveled half way across the world with the ashes of a relative in my suitcase
• First time I've been kissed by twins on both cheeks (and both rather attractive ones!)
• First discovery of a silver hair... now I know why it's called 'silver'. I can't believe one hair can refract so much light, like someone polished it with silver polish.  Daren't pull it out in case 20 come back in the same place.

What a wonderful year back to Ibiza to spend with my second family and how wonderful to go to my nephew's wedding.

I had some wonderful guests:
The Mother of my exboyfriend who died from a heroin overdose.  She came for a week and we had a lovely time.

Tony - A friend a met 10 years ago in Honduras as he invited me for drinks on his yacht (yep that's what I call a chat up line).  We have been friends since then (never went to the yacht). He has stayed in the past with me and my ex boyfriend in London and Costa Rica.  How refreshing was his visit and made for another first.. winning 4 trivia quiz games in a row (yep.. 2 of them was just us two).  Made me realise how important an intellectually stimulating and interesting man is.  We got on so well - was worried that his initial comment of coming for a month might have been overkill.  But it ended up being 2 weeks and was just wonderful very day.

As another year starts I also have some new friends.. and can only think.. bring it on 2014!

Christmas over Phew! and The New Year Awaits

Had an interesting Christmas.  My first ever one alone..

Most people I knew were spending it with their relatives or partners.

I tried to think of it as 'just another day'.  So in the morning I attacked the garden and did some therapueutic gardening.  Lunch I had some chicken... but I was a little upset when I happened to tidy up and found my Aunt Joan's ashes.  I sat on the bed and hugged them with the reassuring thought that I spent Christmas with my Aunt, who I was very close to.... though did end up having a bit of a sob.

My friend did mention about going round there, but since she has got back with her husband he is keeping her on a tight leash so I don't see her much.  A message from him saying 'Happy Christmas and see you in the New Year' gave me the message that I wasn't welcome to go round that day.

One benefit of being alone was that whilst everyone was having their Christmas lunch I popped across the road to Peppers Beach Resort and swam 1km unhindered by anybody in the pool.

I read my book and relaxed in the tropical sun and thought 'mmm not so bad for a Christmas day'.

Due to time difference I was able to spend time chatting with friends and relatives on Skype on the evening and enjoy their day.

Was relieved when I sank into bed that night that Christmas Day was over.

With now the dilemma of New Year fast approaching.

One white themed rave party or hanging out in a few bars didn't really grab me in any nether regions or inspire me.

My friend "P" (see 17th January post)  (a friend who I met through Plenty of Fish a year ago almost to the day) emerged out of the woodwork so I invited him to Port Douglas.  Now, just to be clear, we are purely friends and there has not been any physical contact or exchange of any bodily fluids.

I then thought that since I was staying in the backpackers (my house was being rented out) it wasn't condusive so I mentioned about going to see him in Cairns.

So that's how I found myself driving over to Cairns on Dec 24th with the instructions 'wear some clothes for the motorbike'.  Looks like we were going to cruise on his Harley cruiser to see the fireworks.  So after digging up some jeans and boots which haven't seen light of day in the tropical sun up here (if jeans and boot could blink and squint, they would have).

After arriving in my best attire with the comments "I can always dress down" he said that it wasn't perhaps such a good idea to drive a motorbike around on New Year's Eve. I was hoping he might take the Thunderbird.. imagining me seeing the new year in the seat of a 50's classic convertible, but no, I think is was the Land Rover we ended up riding in.

A lovely night was had chatting me drinking (he was driving so just watching me!) and I thoroughly enjoyed such lovely chilled, great company, wonderful sites for the last day of the year in the company of an interesting man.

"P" is an interesting man.. he was a multi-millionaire with a chain of electrical goods warehouses throughout Australia.  He worked as a stripper on the boats in Sydney harbour and as a bouncer in the clubs in the notorious Kings Cross.  He is South African, and after nearly dying and breaking his back in a fall and a long time of rehabilitation he now spends every morning watching the sunrise to appreciate each new day.  I find him stimulating, interesting and easy to spend time with.  I do get the feeling though that he can be rather intense at times and I think long term I would like somebody who was a little more open humoured and supportive,  as I feel my old reflexes kicking in of making me hypercritical of myself as I feel that is how he is viewing me..  He is a very kind and considerate man and has a heart of gold.  But,  bottom line I don't think he feels anything towards me.  I don't feel that extra je ne sais quoi of sparkle and warmth.  So, I would rather be a friend with him than ruin it with a misguided foray into a more physical relationship.  Maybe if he was a bit more endearing towards me or gave me the proper signs I might find myself encouraged to be more enthusiastic and would change my perspective.



Back at his house we sent to bed and it was lovely feeling him lying next to me (we have slept in the same bed together before).  I snuggled a bit closer and our hands touched and I did feel a slight tingle of arousal.........

He was feeling his sap rising and as he turned to continue the urges he saw my beautiful face asleep and snoring!

(That's how he described it to me the next day)

The next morning I woke next to an empty space - he'd gone to see the sunrise with the dog.

On his return we went for a lovely breakfast overlooking the sea and a forest of palm trees....

What a fitting start to 2014!