Men, friends with benefits (and without) and rebounds...

Don't know what to call this post... bit of a blaaaaah!

Last week was referred to as the 'older attractive woman', by a young man.. yes youth has officially moved from my coil to be replaced by 'attractive mature woman' tag. 

This last week many of my amours have come out of the woodwork...


I received a knock on the door on Wednesday morning at 8.50am.. I was in the process of running round to get to work in my usual hurry (still makeup to put on) .  Who should be standing there.. Stevie.. he of the moustachiod finger fame. Such a lovely surprise.. with the other surprise that I'm standing there still with no makeup and state of flurry.

He was back from Finland after 8 months.

Funny how when you meet someone it's like he had never left!  We picked up where we left up and before long we were sitting in the local bar enjoying a morning beer.  The last time I did that was with him 8 months ago!


Well, it seems that he has bought his baby and 'girlfriend' over and they live in a caravan in Newell Beach about 40 minutes away.  He said that he was with his family but obviously there is a demarcation as he says that he only had sex twice with his girlfriend in the last 8 months.  That he is staying here for at least 3 years, but doesn't know what his girlfriend wants to do.  Seems a strange set up.  So not sure what's going to happen on that one.  He is a fun guy (minds me of the mushroom joke), but certainly not a serious contender for a long term relationship.  He says such lovely things but not sure how many are backed up with actions..  He was so happy and genuinely relieved to have met me as he was worried I might have moved. 






Bumped into Mr P....  in my local supermarket last Saturday!  Quite a surprise as he lives an hour away.  Such a lovely surprise, he jokingly asks "so what are you doing here.. ha!  You live here!' .  We had a chat and a laugh..... then his girlfriend arrived and we were duly introduced.  Yep.. the triathlete.  I certainly felt like the frumpy body sandwiched between the swelted and muscled.   He has been with her for about a year now. They were up in Port Douglas for the weekend (a romantic one I imagine).  Did see a woman resembling his girlfriend running in the high street that evening (though wondered why she chose the high street.. most runners run in the beautiful scenery surrounding the high street!).  Don't think I've seen anybody running in the centre of town.  Still,  it's good to see they are both happy and certainly see where my downfall was!

Out on Saturday night and my sometime lover Neil was there.  Hadn't seen him for a while.   He told me that his girlfriend had left so I think he was finding his single feet again.  We had a lovely chat and then we moved on.  Being British we both have a good larf and share a common sense of humour.

Dean is still around.. since I have known him he has had one relationship of 6 months and recently another for 3 months.  He totally wears his heart on his sleeve and his last relationship sounds a nightmare, but he is still persisting.  I tend to see myself as an agony aunt with benefits!  He tends to offload on me.. yes.. I have a listening ear!  His words the other day "if only I could have met you 20 years earlier'.  That took me aback and I thought.. blimey 20 years.. yep.. that's about right! Would make me 31 (he's about 34)...  He has a bit of a rough diamond edge but he likes books on spirituality and believes in good in everyone. He just wants to meet someone and have a family, but sadly he seems to be pursuing the wrong types of girls who seem to take advantage of him.  He wanted to come up and see me on Friday, but was too tired.  Today on Facebook I see his 'ex' girlfriend with a big bunch of roses from him for her birthday.


















And lastly Matt..

The guy I met before I went to UK in August.  Professed almost undying love said that he was going to miss me and that it was going to be a long 3 weeks!  Well.. it's been a long 5 months.  In that time he backtracked said he didn't want to be in a relationship...Then he ended up with another girl for about a month.  I saw him on Saturday night where he seemed to think that informing me that this new liaison had now left to go to the Gold Coast was of interest to me... and that he would see how it goes from there... so not sure what that meant.  Just leave him to it... I think he has some issues to sort out and looking back in hindsight he wouldn't be good to have been in a relationship with so that's ok.



Feeling that I'm on the edge of all this girlfriend boyfriend activity.

I went away diving on Wednesday/Thursday.. brilliant trip.. see next post...

 Thursday morning according to my guest (who was booking my room in my house) there was someone knocking on the door around 5.00am.  I had my suspicions who it could be....

Sure enough, went out on Saturday night and happened to bump into "J" the guy from the other night - when we went to the quiz.  He was off home - he couldn't get into the local club as he and his mates were wearing singlets not T Shirts.

5.00am on Sunday morning I get a text asking if I fancied coming round:

5.41am  Hey there rosie! I donut suppose your up for some fun? If not no probs??
7.57am Hey Jim! Thanks for your text.. Always lovely to see you
9.00am  Haha - Im feeling very Horny if ya wanna drop over!
9.00am This morning.. can't do.  I've just arranged to go to brekky.  You'll have to fly solo .. Another time:)

Ah.. the words of romance are not dead.  And in case you are wondering.. no I didn't have a breakfast date.  I'm just not up for being treated like a phone sex delivery service.

Men have no idea... if only he'd have said something endearing, like would be lovely to see you and then we can go to breakfast.. I would have been round like a shot.. yep because I am still gullible and taken in by smooth talking men!

Well... I continue on... not too bothered by the men thing... que cera cera.   Onwards and upwards!

So.... E Book here I come...

Sorry I have been remiss in the blog area...

I have started to write an Ebook... I started it this week and am now at 4,000 words.

My goodness what a waffler I am!

I thought it would be the neoprene version of a bodice ripper, but I find it difficult to write about sex.  A bit like when guys ask me to talk dirty and I respond with 'ooh stick it in me.... please !'.

I enjoy sex purely as a means to feeling close to someone, skin on skin, connection, emotion.  I find it difficult to separate an act of such complexity to a line 'his member throbbed like the pulsing of plutonium in a gamma rod as he rammed it into the welcoming opening of her moist conductor'.

Anyway, I digress.  The E book will be about experiences of my diving life intermingled with, of course, some romantic liaisons.  I'll keep it low level in the erotic stakes.. but if required maybe I could ramp it up if required.... though trying to keep a straight face with writing about divers going deep diving etc is an interesting one.

So a quick precis on my life at the moment.

Still involved in a million projects that like lead balloons are very loathe to leave the ground.

I am still having problems with my house in Costa Rica - Finally managed to find another renter (my initial renter of one year left after one month after being burgled).  This one for a week didn't last long either.. less than 24 hours and he left after being burgled too!  This house is costing me dearly.  I have to pay for its upkeep of $500 a month + still paying for the fittings and the money I paid for improvement for security a couple of months ago of $2500 didn't even reach for that as it went to general maintenance.  The TV has just been replaced at a cost of $400 on the back of the week's rent that is not to be!  Aaaaahh!!

And I am still working on a three day job that pays me $120 a day basic...
For the first time in 8 months I didn't sell anything in two weeks, so no commission there.

So lucky that I am renting my house out here.. what a lifesaver!

At the moment I sit in the office at 10.00 at night. I am living in the backpackers and rather than pay for internet it's easier to sit here in the office.  It's also pissing down with rain with vengeance.  At one point in the office today we all looked out at the river of mud and debris just pouring like a raging torrent down the road.  Rainy season has indeed arrived!

I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner tonight, but she has to get back to her house on the other side of the river about an hours drive away so she can get cut off on the right side!

Men.. haha! that's a larf..   let's just say blokes.

Good quality is not in high abundance here.  I am not so worried.  I think just having guys that like me and 'hang loose' is fine for me. 

With one of them I feel like the agony aunt with benefits.  I have known him for nearly two years.  He has been through two relationships in that time (6 months and 3 months) and I'm the ear and the person that takes a little of an ear pounding.  Bless him, he is 32 and wears his heart on his sleeve.  He is a sensitive soul with a bit of a rough edging, but he is uncomplicated and we have a lovely understanding.  Though the comment "if only I had met you 20 years ago" kind of jarred me back into the reality of the situation!

Simon after nearly two years has literally disappeared.  His last words to me was how much he loved me and he didn't want to leave me.  That was after our romantic tryst in early October when we went to stay in a motel (oh yes, I get to stay in the swankiest places).  He just turned 27, but I think that he was disappearing into a world of dealing ice and friends that were most definitely leading him astray.  He has moved back in with his Father now, and despite a couple of letters and a facebook message he has literally vanished.

Paul - a good friend, again of about one and a half years.  We are just good friends and never had the inclination to go any further.  He recently reared back up after a failed 3 month relationship.  So that would be good to have his company a bit more as he is an interesting, intelligent and lovely guy.  Though I consider him to be a little too complicated and intense at times. He hardly needs any sleep, gets up and watches every sunset and being in his mid-late 40's has become quite inflexible in how he is - he would certainly expect a woman to work round him.

Tim - a Port Douglas one night stand that ended up being a two night stand.  He is fun to be with and we get on well.  He is definitely playing the field, but we have glasses of wine together.  I haven't ever made a move on him.  We first got together as we started chatting in the pub and then I invited him along to trivia.  I thought he was nice, but didn't think anything more.  The girls at trivia most definitely thought he was nice.. and two girls in particular were doing their best.  I had written him off that he was going to end up with this young American girl as they seemed to be getting very friendly.

What did go extremely well was Timmeee staying.  I was totally apprehensive about him staying for the month.  In the end he only stayed two weeks and went off travelling.  Smart, intelligent, considerate, accommodating... and such great fun company.  He really was a joy.  I don't have any sexual attraction to him and he has a girlfriend, but I can say now after he left a week ago that I have a wonderful treasured friend that I am privileged to have had the opportunity to develop our relationship with.  He is 47 so nearer my age, but seems at least 10 years younger.  With a yacht that he has been chartering out for sailing for the last 10 years in Central America (I met him in Honduras) he is not your archetypal man of his age.  Probably why we got on so well - 2 round pegs in a square hole!

I said goodbye at the end and he walked up to me and said "I'm on my way home too so if you fancy a glass of wine at my place" (we had already worked discussed that he lived a block away)... so that's how we ended up sipping some rather fruity red wine that night.. before we crushed our own grapes (haha .. how corny is that!).

Job wise, I do like my job, but it has to be a JOB not a hobby.  If Costa Rica and the rental of my house was being a bit more behaved then I could relax a bit more, but I am still applying for more secure work - especially now that low season is coming up.  I can't really survive on what I'm getting and I don't want to eat into my dwindling savings!

Well, will update again soon.. as they say in the movies... watch this space.....

I want to tell you about my spiritual encounter with my friend who did the reading.. but will have to wait until the next blog!

And so we mosey on...

Writing this with a streaming cold.. stemmed by the wonders of modern drug technology.. certainly the instructions take every 4 hours is right as after about 4 hours I start to have the free flowing nose drip...

Saw Mark on Friday night.. patently clear that he is striking out to be his own person.. so no more bumping into each other, grabbing a kebab and then him falling into bed at my place.  I didn't hang round him or take much notice of him.  I only mentioned that it would be a shame if we treated each other like strangers, to which he replied that he really cared for me and of course it wouldn't come to that.  So I said about meeting up for dinner one night.. despite a phone message and text - no reply.. so that's that.  This week with a dripping cold anyway, I feel as sexy as a slug in suspenders.

Simon has ended up being Mr Elusive again.. so it's a case of 'watch this space'




And so what else is happening?

Received a Facebook message from a friend - Timee.

I've known him for about 10 years.  Our first meeting was him cracking on to me when I lived in Honduras. We were chatting one night and he asked if I wanted to have drinks on his yacht.  I politely declined and we have maintained our friendship since.  We have mutual friends and when I was with my ex we used to meet up in London and he stayed with us when we lived in Costa Rica.   We bumped into him quite coincidentally in St Andreas (a little Colombian island off of Nicaragua) which was quite a coincidence.  I last met him with some friends in London about 2 years ago.

So a message from him saying he was thinking of coming to Australia had me naturally inviting him to stay here if he was passing.

Next message "I''ve booked the flight I will be with you from 18th to 17th"

Now even with my bad maths I was stil having to write for clarification.. so is that 18th October to 17th November?

Yep.. the response was in the affirmative!

Now, I don't have a big house - in fact 'compact' would be an estate agents description.

Throughout this time I am renting out the downstairs bedroom, so it means that we will be living in the upstairs area only. I have clearly stated that he is on the settee (no bed sharing) and after worrying about the length of time grasped the bull by the horns and wrote to him:

Timmy.. It's fine. I am concerned that initially I was thinking of 1 week-10 days. 1 month is a long time. I don't have a big apartment so my fear is obviously one of getting under one another's feet. I would have made sure the spare room was available with a bit more notice, but the majority of the time you are staying the other room is booked out. That's 3 people living in a small 2 bed unit. Of course it would be lovely to see you and I am pleased to be able to put you up... just don't want to jeopardise our friendship. We can see how it goes... but also mainly thinking from your part it might be a bit to claustrophobic also.

His reply:

No worries, I'll be in and out of there.

And I'll be sure to not be a bother. Just point me to a couple of spots around town where I can take the laptop and get some writing done, I'll be a happy camper.

 
So don't get the feeling of addressing the situation...

Already I have offered to pick him up.. lost $100 for half a days work that day and costing me $25 in fuel... Am I being mean?.. but when people stay, I end up buying food, using the car, which of course, I don't mind.. but a month........







Right I'm going to take the two red 'night' cold tablets and go to bed....

A little mood music that resonates with my feelings at the moment....

Just so beautiful and certainly brings themes up musically that I have been thinking about recently....

So what's the score now...

Well to bring everything up to date..

Got back after my trip to Europe....

My bag arrives 8 weeks after losing it - with a questionable re-routing via Ibiza, Frankfurt/Munich, Paris, London.. quite a miracle!

I breathe a sigh of relief as I find a tenant for my hous in Costa Rica. 4 weeks later I get a frantic email from the tenant in a distraught state.  My house has been burgled - so my tenants for 1 year contract move out suddenly after 1 month. I am looking at $1500 (initial quote was $6,000 for a wall) to erect more of a secure fence (yep.. the old corrugated iron is a bit cheaper)  + costs of work after the burglary of $750 for repairs and + the cost of a new replacement TV - $500

My VW Beetle that has lived up to the word "bug" has to be sold.  The garage that did the last work (replacement of the whole steering rack at $1500) has told me to get rid of it as soon as possible as it is a potential for loads more problems to come... true words... considering the amount of problems I have had with it in the last 2 years (almost paid for the car again with repair costs).  So to get it ready for selling I have bought new tyres, a new battery, two front rods, disc rotors done.. now just have to get the exhaust seen to... $$ mounting up

Luckily I have been able to rent my house out here, so I have been staying with friends or at a youth hostel to try and make some extra dineros.

Bit strange not being able to live in my house... have to put all the bags in the car of clothes, shoes and toiletries.. so pleased I have some storage outside my house available .. that was a wise move when I bought this house (yep.. at least I can be wise in some areas!).

It was a bit difficult when the battery didn't work as I was kind of living out of my car so that was an added obstacle.  I used the office car (the affectionately called Red Rocket).... and put a bag of clothes in that.

One morning I get a text from my boss at the newspaper "Red Rocket has been broken in to. Street sweeper reports that contents are strewn over the road.. Get over there and take photo"

This was at 7.00 am when I am waking up in my shared dorm room.  I reply "Shit!!  that's my contents and my computer was in the car".  His wife picked me up and we went down there with me all the time thinking "I hope my knickers aren't included in the strewn articles".

We arrive and luckily my underwear is not on public display and thankfully my computer is still under the seat where I hid it.

Yes, I am trying to keep my head above water but not doing so well.  I have chipped into my savings to much with this move to Port Douglas that I am rather scared to use them up!

I work 3 days a week at $120 a day for the local online newspaper selling advertising space - where if I am lucky I can make an extra $250 in commission - though this does mean me working the extra 2 days for free so I can try and sell. This is freelance 3 days.  I do love working on the paper but they have no money - I have even been asked not call mobile numbers to save money!

I am working in an ad hoc manner on a local yacht where I snorkel guide and crew $100 for half a day.

Ironically, the biggest money maker for me is renting out my property - at $70 a night or $150 for the house a night it's been a life saver.

So now just trying to scrape by - big time a the moment.. $2500 needed for Costa Rica, $1000+ to get this car up and running and sold... and now getting to low season. With bills continually coming in I am fretting a bit.

Just want to have a solid job... I have applied for a few but well, we shall see but it is a continual cause of worry to me...

Oh yes, on the love front.. Mark finally made it back to Port Douglas (he lives in Sydney) and was distinctly cool at our reception.  Definitely pulling back there....  I don't really blame him.. he is 28 has been heavily involved in bringing up 2 children for the last 27y ears and he says he just wants his 'freedom' - sounds like a line out of the film Braveheart.

I pulled back totally and then he ask "why haven't you called me" - so not sure what's happening, but hey I'm just going to go with the flow now. 

Alongside this Mr Elusive, Simon has been resurrected and over Mark's cooling off I headed off to see Simon last Friday.   We ended up in a hotel room.  A marked contrast from our last meeting.. where we just sat in the car and chatted all night with me drinking water (he is living at his Father's and was babysitting for his younger brother aged 9).  The next morning when I dropped him off he said he didn't want to leave me.   He might be a bit rough round the edges (and a honed body that could crack walnuts with his derriere) but he is so disarmingly honest and complimentary.  When he says 'love you' to me I have to admit that he really does seem to.  But as with al1 the men that have said "I love you " in the past.. it's been said with their version of love.. which has sadly meant that actions and follow up were lacking.

I was hoping with Mark being here that we could do things together, but apart from his first message when he arrived "I'm in Port" I have had no other communication from him about meeting up.  Just a case when we have met we have bumped into each other.  I did invite him to dinner a few nights ago which was lovely, but I'm just going to leave it again.  After last time we met it was a "I'll call you" perfunctory goodbye. Can't really be bothered... just too much emotional angst ... We did have a brief chat when he came to dinner where we both admitted that it would hurt both of us if we saw the other person with someone else... so non the wiser still..

Life here is still a bit lonely.

My best friend here who I have helped the last year survive her separation from her husband finally moved out from her husband a couple weekends ago.  I was finally looking forward to us doing more things together, horse riding (she was a professional horsewoman), nights in Cairns, trips together ( I even mentioned going away for a weekend). A friend of hers offered her a room in his massive house - alongside his yacht, bmw convertible and two lovely little dogs (plus she has the use of the spare car).... the inevitable is happening as he wines and dines her, takes he out on his motor launch and organises champagne picnic surprises.  When I go round there is a distinct feeling that he would rather I wasn't there, so I fear that she will be taken out of one controlling relationship directly into another. I can see how easy it is for her to fall for everything and it's good to see her happy, but I get the feeling that my time spent with her will be less and less as her relationship develops.  I hope he will care for her and nurture her and treasure her friends as his own and realise how important to foster these relationships... but we shall see.

Mark and Ina (the couple I married) now are nearly completing their 6,000 km journey to their new lives in Perth.

So last night I took myself out.. had a couple of drinks and came home.  I feel the underlying ache of just feeling alone. I try and make my life busy, filled with projects and I am swimming 1km a day when I have the time, but there are moments when I just wonder whether I will ever love again or be loved, or just simply have friends around.  But I feel that after 2 years I am back to going out by myself... the only difference is now that people do know me and so even though I am on 'hello' terms, you can bet that anything happens with me there'll be the gossip grapevine in full flow the next day.  The joys of living in a small place!  Haha on Friday got chatted up by this guy saying "my friends and I have all agreed you are the best looking MILF here - who wants a young girl when they could have you" (MILF - Mother I'd Like to Fuck).... so a bit of a back-handed compliment.  As he was chatting me up Mark wandered over.. so that was good that he can see I get attention and I am sure it was pushing a few of Mark's jealousy buttons - not that I play those kind of games but it was interesting.

I have seriously considered that I might have to relocate to get a 'proper' job.  Rent out the house and maybe try Perth (seems everyone I know is heading there at the mo!)  for a bit just to be able to save some money.  I just so love being here.. but just need to make it work better!

Aha.. perhaps if I can meet a man with a big house, a flash car and some dogs!  QED!

I'll never be the Mother of the Bride...

But I can be the Aunt of the Groom

The reason why I headed over to the UK was to be present at the wedding of my Nephew.

As devout Christians people think that Josh at 21 wes a little young for making a long term commitment.  He has known Emily, his wife, since they were 15 and whenever I visited my sister she always was there as another extended member of our family.  So it was not big step for her to be 'official'.

This year has certainly been one for weddings!  My nephew and my good friends Ina and Mark also got married in Australia only 4 weeks later... and I was the celebrant!

We worked out that the last wedding in our side of the family was 15 years ago (My cousin Matt - his second wedding after his first marriage was finished abruptly as he found his 1st wife in bed with another woman and subsequently admitted she was a lesbian!)  There's certainly been a lot of funerals but no weddings.. so a real cause for celebration.

Yep... got another string to my bow - Marriage Celebrant ...eeek!  Bit of a responsibility marrying friends, but in some ways the pressure was off a bit as the comment from Mark on the morning was "even if you do a Rowan Atkinson as in 4 weddings and a funeral, not a problem.. at least we will all laugh!'

When I asked Ina what she wanted me to wear her reply was "anything that doesn't show your puppies".  So I found a particularly high necked black dress that would not give a hint of any cleavage!

So funny I looked very 'official' at the wedding (black dress, sensible heels and hair tied back) and then I got changed into my wedding reception gear for the evening (High fashion platform heels, dress and my usual big hair).

I sat next to the only eligible single guy in the wedding and we got on well, but no sparks.

Ironically he ended up hitting it off in later weeks with a girl I work with.

He said that when Ina and Mark thanked me at the reception for being the Marriage Celebrant at their wedding he looked at me and didn't recognise me!  He didn't think I looked like the same person that took the wedding!

The wedding was very special.  My Brother in law who is a Reverend married them.  My Aunty and Uncle made it over from Switzerland, both my cousins made it and it was lovely to catch up.

My sister has fibro myalgia so energy and being well hasn't been good for her for the last 15 years.  It was even questionable that she could make the wedding for all its entirety.  A hotel room in the reception place was made accessible for her to lie down.

So apart from so many special memories of the day the most poignant was dancing with my sister and niece on the dance floor.  We were both laughing that the last time we both danced together was when we were 14/15 years old at the local public hall disco!  I hope it's not another 36 years till we boogie together!

What a special time.  What wonderful people and family there are in my life.

It's been a while.....

June.. July.. August.. Sept....


Yes, it's been a while.

A lots been happening... though it seems that I just seem to go round in circles.

July had me meet a wonderful man called Mark - 4 days before I was due to fly to the UK for 3 weeks.

So I left with his lovely text message as a reminder of our special time together on my phone:

Goodbye babes have a good trip and just no that I will be missing you girl xoxox I will see u soon hay xox.

So on an amazing trip back to the UK.. touched down in London and then that evening jetted out to the quietly beautiful island called Formentera off of Ibiza with my best friend and her family.... now my 2nd family!

After 24 hours getting to the UK my trip to Ibiza was slightly lighter as my baggage never arrived from Australia - so arrived in Ibiza with literally nothing but the clothes on my back!

Much time in Ibiza was spent on the phone or trying to Skype Air France to locate lost baggage and contacting Mark.

Seeing my best friend again and her family was so cathartic.  With my life in Port Douglas I do my best not to think about friends and family and how I miss them.  I am in a tropical paradise bubble of scenic beauty and try and keep my head in the sand when thinking about this.

Formentera is a beautiful island credited with the best beaches in Europe with white sand beaches and shimmering clear blue aquamarine seas.  Accessorising the beaches are the draped bodies of languidly tanned Italians and Spanish of the smart and trendy 'set'.

The only other English people I spied started with me seeing a lobster pink mound of flesh ("it's a bit red know but it will go brown").  A highly rotund lady in a contrastingly retreating bikini saying in a loud northern English voice "Oi! Yer got The Sun... throw it over I wanna read it!".  Oh yes, pure sophistication and English class!

Ibiza was stunning - dancing on the beach with 3,000 people till the early hours was just amazing - one big disco with Abba, 70's hits.. just briliant fun.

I was dirty danced in a nightclub by a highly hormoned Italian DJ.  After working for 10 years in tourist resorts I can almost visibly see the stamp on the forehead 'out for what I can get with girl tourists'.  Another strange moment I was walking down the road and this beautiful Italian man came up to me to try on my cowboy hat.  Before I knew it we had locked lips and were passionate kissing.... wow!  Only looking down at his feet to see his black shoes, that were more like black velvet slippers with a gold embroidered crest on them made me pull back from the starry sky and find my feet planted firmly back on the ground.  What is it about Italian men... I had an Italian boyfriend in 1989 who was stunningly attractive, totally devoted and yet when we went skiiing in his chalet I looked down at his feet one night and he had bedsocks on with pom poms that his Mother knitted.  That was the end of that one!

I stayed for 6 days in Ibiza and then returned back to London ... big event ... my Nephew's wedding!

Bye Bye Australia.... on my way to Europe...

Leaving mainland Ibiza to the quieter island of Formentera

Party.. Dancing to Abba and 70's tunes with another 3,000 + dancers

Our favourite hangout - Chez Gerdi

Delicious fresh figs with sweet sauce at Chez Gerdi

Brilliant idea to avoid cigarette butts in the sand..

The imagination and creativity of the restaurants and bars were just stunning

The stairway to the star at Chez Gerdi

A regular evening routine.. mohito cocktail at Pirates Bar and watching the sunset

It just doesn't happen like in the movies!!

I haven't written recently about my love life.. lack of it.. might be more of the reason... or lack of inspiration more like!

I am resigned to taking myself out at weekends, getting all the rounds of drinks in (for 1) and having a virtual friend (whose really real) who spends her time sitting at the pokies and I can't sit with her as she says if someone sits with her then they bring bad luck.  I usually arrive around 10.30 so I don't have to spend too much money.. and can get away till 2.00 am with about 5 drinks bought (my tipple.. cider at $6.80 for a shooner).

My weekends are like bad versions of Groundhog day..  Wander down the Courthouse Hotel, watch the band.. at 12.00 wander to the Iron Bar and then depending on the weekend, it's mingling with a crowd so thick that their acne creams are almost blending, or where the ultra violet lights light up so many white shirts of the wedding party guests you have to wear sunglasses for the glare.

I had been invited beforehand to a BBQ at the very swanky Niramaya Resort where I have one friend managing it and another living in it!

I did take a bottle of wine.. and it was a really pleasant evening.

So I was at the Courthouse much earlier than normal  .. and was certainly getting relaxed.


By the time I wandered into the Iron Bar the wine and a few ciders were certainly making me feel rather merry.

So it was a bit blurry in my memory why I ended up chatting with Darryl, but it seems on post analysis he had 'spotted' me and had headed me off at the pass and engaged me in conversation. Just like the movies we just hit if off immediately... the world whittled away like a Dali watch and like a film effect the camera zoomed in on just us chatting and laughing.  He had the biggest smile that was totally all encompassing and I have such a soft spot for men with a sense of humour and a beaming smile.  Under his shirt (yep... wedding guest!) I could see bulging arm muscles and I coudn't believe my luck that I had received attention from such a lovely man!

It was seamless... from chatting, laughing, totally engrossed in each other to the walk back to my house, some half finished wines on the balcony and then to bed! It seemed so natural.

The next morning for the first time for me in YEARS!!!  We lay in bed chatting and cuddling (he complimented me on being a good cuddler!,  How wonderful to just lie in bed in the morning basking in the afterglow of passionate, intense and beautiful love making and the feeling that somehow we 'clicked'.

It was about 12.00 and I thought I had better mention that some new guests were arriving that day to rent the downstairs bedroom (the one we were lying in).   I didn't expect them till later in the day especially since all the roads were closed due to the Ironman competition going on in the road.

Barely had I mentioned this than the door bell went... eeeeek! The room had to be cleaned, sheets changed, and one hunky man had to be exited from the bed (I had already exited pretty quickly as I was running round like a naked headless chicken trying to find something to cover myself up with to answer the door).   In the end I gave up and just answered the door naked and just popped my head round (though forgetting that the top half of the door is frosted glass!).  They could see with great insight that I wasn't ready, so the words "we'll be back in 15 minutes" was indeed music to my ears.

Darryl by then had got his wedding gear back on.. shirt and dress trousers.. all ready for his walk of shame back to his hotel (only about 2 minutes down the road).. but it was a road filled with spectators for the Ironman competition!  We left with a hurried arrangement to meet up later.

That evening we met up and had another wonderful evening.  He was lovely and even bought drinks for my friends (who were more like people that I know here who were all chatting to us... it's big news for me to be seen with a man here, so some were very curious).

He works as a policeman in Canberra, and he discussed how emotional the job can be and the sights he has had to cope with at one point tearing up a bit.. so I gave him a big hug.   So lovely just sitting and chatting and he held my hand under the table...  He came out of a 3 year relationship 5 months ago and I think it cost him a lot of money.  He wants to meet someone to have a family... So a couple of klaxon warnings methinks!

We went back to his hotel later and again, had a lovely tender lovemaking session and great cuddles in the morning.

I bid him goodbye with a kiss on the lips as I left and then rather embarrassingly for my grand exit walked the wrong way and had to u turn back past him (did get another kiss) as I had taken my contact lenses out the night before out and so my eyesight was rather diminished.

He was leaving that day to drive back to Canberra with his mate... which was going to take a week...

He said comments like 'don't give me your Facebook details as I won't be able to stop myself messaging you all the time'

And so he disappears off into the sunset...........


We have been text messaging all week... some of his messages:

Hope you are well, I had a lot of fun with you!

(I sent him a photo)
omfg you are gorgeous :) Love the pic.  Thank you!  Trip is good. I miss hanging out with you!

I'll be back for sure! Hope you are still around when I do. 

OK, so we are not talking undying love... but hey.. early days so we shall see....


Last night I went out on my usual Groundhog day night and ended up at the Iron Bar.

Up lunges up this slightly drunk woman  (now, I don't want to be rude.. but I am trying to paint a picture here).  She has to be a not so well kept 50+ woman.  Wearing a kaftan that covered her curvaceous body and at about 5'5" no height to really offset this.

She is a friend of a friend (Jane)  who I have chatted with on the odd occasions before.

Her opening words were  'So what do you think of Darryl? - I found him to be a bit of a dud"

Flummoxed I said "Dud? How do you mean"

Her reply with great knowing gusto " He's, you know, really bad in bed - you were with him the other night weren't you? I was with him about 4 nights ago"

Keeping my composure "No, we never slept together, we just had drinks - but I think he's a lovely guy - don't you ".  There's me thinking that only 6 hours before I had gushed to Jane how I had met this wonderful man!

To which she replied, "Nah, did nothing for me"

The picture of us two together living a romantic fairytale just shattered into little cutting shards smashing with the screech of gramophone record at my feet...

I was upset, not only did I feel taken in,  used, abused, taken for a ride, but how could he have such little regard for any quality or higher characteristics than to end up with a woman like that!

After much thinking I thought the following:

He isn't committed to me, we have no relationship.  He's on a road trip with his mate exploring all 'possibilities' - they have both just come out of relationships.  Maybe he is genuine about his feelings for me, in which case, whatever has happened doesn't alter that.  I still really like him, just disappointed as I thought he was a man with higher integrity and better taste.  I have decided not to mention anything......  there will be an appropriate time but it's not now.........................

And so we shall see..............................

Vanity is not beatiful...

Oh dear.. time flies or as the Romans said "Tempes Fugit"

I haven't been able to update this blog as much as I would like as despite living in a first world country the internet access up here in Port Douglas is not third world.. it's fourth world.

Intermittent, slow and unreliable.....

So what's been happening in Penny world...

Whilst working at the local paper I wanted to place an editorial in our beauty section for a local beauty company.

I was particularly intrigued about a new treatment they offer.  It was first bought to my attention in a magazine in a waiting room.  A photo showing a pregnant Kim Kardashian with a bloodied face and the announcement of a new beauty treatment that uses the plasma from your own blood to help plump out lines and those nasal labial fold lines.  It looked particularly dramatic and I did think literally 'bloody hell'.. whatever next!

Little did I know that a week later I would be lying on the treatment bed about to do an impersonation of an overly enthusiastic dart board.  Succumbing to the statement by the owner "you can't write about it if you don't experience it, I will give you the treatment for free" (We are talking a $400 treatment free!).

Despite people asking if I have had plastic surgery or anti-aging treatments I have always been  a firm believer in the beauty of spirit, soul and outlook to keep young (and the benefits of good genes helps).

I can't comprehend the pain and procedures that women go through in the pursuit of beauty. That women will put themselves through major surgeries just for a fad or for vanity.

So it was against my philosophy to be lying down enduring the pain as she searched around my arm with a syringe to try and hit the vein with words 'get me out of here' incessantly echoing through my brain.  After 15 mins of unlucky jabbing I suggested she move to the other arm. After finally filling up a test tube with my blood (and obviously spilling it over the table and over the floor as she dabbed it up with tissues)..  Now going through my brain was.. 'has she done this before?'.  My confidence wasn't boosted when she asked for a 3mm gauge syringe from her assistant and when advised that there was only 2mm said "well, that will have to do". 

After centrifuging my blood she then proceeded to fill up the syringe with the clear plasma.  This was then injected along my nasal labial fold.  At one point (literally!) I felt a pricking to my dimple (I only have one)  to which I said "that's my dimple! Can you leave that!'.  She was less than reassuring when she said that the plasma kept clotting and it was making it difficult to inject.  Another test tube of blood was taken for under the eyes. Yowzer! that's a sensitive area for sticking in syringes - now I was at the point where I was just trying to get through the procedure and trying to refrain from  running out the door.  I also could tell that she was injecting uneven amounts on both sides.  She started on my crows feet, but I said.. no, I call those laughter lines and I want to keep them.

Finally, she finished I looked in the mirror.  Looking back at me was a face that certainly looked a bit battered.. and bruised.  A blue bruise mark under the eye where one injection hadn't been so clean.  Instead of my caved in under the eyes the fluid now had gathered into two uneven sized liquid pouches - so now I looked more like two swollen eyes peering over the top of two water-filled balloons.

She immediately gave me a little drink of Arnica to help the bruising....

Mmmmm... the sentence I had used with her when I first went in and she asked if I had ever had a treatment went into my head "Oh no, I never have treatments, because I am sure karma would punish my vanity and make things go wrong".

I write this a week later and can only say that a few days after the swelling had gone down.. and despite an improvement for maybe a day or two (which was offset by the bruise under my eye)  I now consider I look the same now as I did before.

Luckily, any damage wasn't long lasting, but what an interesting lesson in so much pain (luckily no expense) and time (1 hour) being such a waste of............

Penny - Commercial Diver

Yep.. My latest title to my list of jobs!

Who would have thought sitting there with my Careers Advisor in school that Commercial Diver would be on the list!

I completed my Commercial Dive course over a year ago with the idea to use it in support and body double work in films.  This intention faded as quickly as the Australian dollar did the same thing to the American dollar leaving it in the shade as the Australian currency made it too expensive for American production companies here.

I wanted to get out of the Recreational Dive industry here as an Instructor, so Commercial Diving seemed a logical fork in the diving career.

So it was with surprise that I received a call asking if I was free for a week to undertake Commercial Diving work.

Without hesitation I answered 'yay!' (and that wasn't because I was asked to spend the week with a bunch of buoys!).  My 'job' at the moment is a 3 day one (highly flexible on the day front) for minimal wage and for commission, selling advertising space on the local online newspaper.  I also worked an extra 2 'free' days for them last week so there wouldn't be any objections to me taking the week off.

And so I rock up last Saturday night ready for my new job and adventure.... with a bit of trepidation as the weather forecast was 25-30 knot winds and high waves for the week... and the boat didn't look so big too me!


........... Will update this in a few days.. I will leave you with some pics to carry you through.....

The boat awaits 'Viking' or commonly known as 75581QC

Also awaiting 25-30 knot winds and high waves... like being on the set of The Perfect Storm

Standard view from the back deck of the boat - laying the moorings and checking moorings and buoys

Back deck view as the storm subsides..

Just an idea of size.. the hard eye with my soft hand!

The back deck looking like a giant macrame puzzle

Michaelmas Cay - strange irony - was here in 1990 doing a Discover Scuba Diving Experience - how strange that 23 years later I would be back working as a Commercial Diver!

Lizard Island.. the island for the jet set and the famous.. don't know what I was doing there!  Ah yes... cleaning, installing and inspecting their buoys

Coming back into Cairns after the week.. all hands on deck.. or bums on counters as the case may be

Collateral damage - aching, bruised (where I slipped down the stairs),  and my hand literally 'popped' on the last afternoon as I was pulling in a rope of the tender (the boat behind) and it got caught with my hand... soft flesh, inanimate object in small space with a sudden velocity of 20mph of inanimate object.  Literally squeezed the fat out of my hand!  Went to the hospital on the return and they cut off the fat.  So I even got liposuction to my thumb!

Some tips on life...

This follows on with the flow of my thoughts from my last post.... I wish I could paint tattoo these on my arm... so I can be reminded every day that to wake up is a good day!

Written by a 90 year old

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it..

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.



12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it...

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

22. The most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive but don’t forget.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..

31. Believe in miracles.

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

34. Your children get only one childhood.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

39. The best is yet to come...

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

41. Yield.

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

The oldest youngest person I knew.. in memoriam

This is my Great Aunt Joan who died this week.

She was the most inspirational woman that I know, despite pain, blindness and problems breathing later in life she always sounded like a twenty year old on the phone full of happiness and joy.. she died aged 93.

When I last saw her she said "Penny, life is short, enjoy it as much as possible as when you get to my age it is what you look back on".  I always said to her that she was the youngest oldest person I knew.  It made me realise life and age is about your outlook and being young is not a number, Joan proved that to me.

She never talked about her problems and did her best not to let people know that she couldn't see and didn't like inconveniencing anyone.  She was one of the first policewomen in the UK and was an early light in burning a path for other women to work in the police force. She married  my great uncle (she was 20 years younger) and then lived an exciting colonial lifestyle in Africa.  She never had children but my connection with her I felt like she was my second Mother.

When my actual Mother died I thought a lot about the meaning of life.  As I found journals and journals when I was clearing out my parent's house.  Pages and pages of her life, all neatly written in her beautiful handwriting.  Journals about looking after my Grandma, Journals about shopping lists, her campaigns and her life... too many books to put in a suitcase and take back to Australia or to my sister's.  So we read them to each other and then they were consigned to the recycling skip.  How that haunted me... her words.. her thoughts.. just .... gone.

I think there is writing DNA in my blood.  The need to write, account, to express, wonder, explain, just to feel that words somehow fill a life.   I have no children, no real relatives that will one day sit and look at my journals.. and so this blog kind of fills a void.

I live here with no confidantes, I never was bought up to confide in anybody, everything I experienced was kept within my skin and memory.  This blog is for me a testimony that I did actually live, that through life's rollercoaster my writing is a cathartic expression of what is happening to me.

I hope I write to explore, to shine, to query, to wonder, perhaps some of what I write is too near the bone and putting oneself 'on the line' is too near the line.

But somehow being alive to me is about expression, experiencing and emotions.  This blog is a testimony to a small life... mine.  It's not so interesting, important or entertaining, but at least a few words can make me feel that I am living it... 

Concert Going..

We don't get much in the terms of quality entertainers coming to Cairns.. the nearest they get to where I am is Brisbane - About 2,000 kms away!

But we have been privileged recently to have

Jimmy Cliff........

If you don't know who it is you will definitely know the songs.

Many Rivers to Cross
I Can See Clearly Now
You can Get it if you Really Want
The Harder They Come

He is 65 and still bounding over the stage.. almost at one point tripping over the Feedback speakers in front of me and me only cursing that I didn't have my video on my iphone filming it.

I was positioned right at the front, but have to say I was very disappointed with the quality of photo taken in poor light condiions with my iPhone.  The best effort I could come up with was the picture below.

The concert itself was wonderful he exuded music through every pore and in the venue that was a lot of sweaty pores.  With not a fan in the place in the tropical heat and 500 people dancing to the Jamaican reggae beats, we got to feel totally in the tropical groove.. including wiping away the waterfall of sweat drops cascading down my face and trying not to stick to the sweaty person gyrating next to me.

And then followed two weeks later.. Chris Isaaks graced Cairns Convention Centre.

3,000 people with not a spare seat  His classics, Wicked Game, Blue Hotel and a cover of Ring of Fire, it's one thing hearing his amazing voice on radio, but seeing him live really is a total 3D experience.  He is such an endearing man - even encouraging people to come up and take photos of him "better to take photos now, as I won't be looking any better towards the end of the night".

I had taken my Canon 300D SLR camera with me (not trusting that iPhone quality any more).  I had also attached my telephoto lens... which had been fostering some tropical mould on the inside of the glass lens.  Despite keeping it in the freezer it was still prevalent, but luckily on a long zoom, the mould on the inside doesn't notice.. whew.. so this was the first time that I had used it.

Ironically, I managed to get right down to the front and was literally standing at his feet - so close that if I had used my camera it would have only shown a pimple on his nose.  At one point he looked down directly at me and all I could limply say as I felt a bit embarrassed was 'hello'... well what else can one do?

If you are wondering who I am going with.. well Jimmy Cliff was indeed with my imaginary friend.  My friend Clarissa (a girl that I last saw when we were 17 and I found out she lived locally and we have now become firm friends!) found out that it was standing room only and since she had had a recent back operation was unable to make it, so I was able to sell her ticket.

For Chris Isaaks I went with Clarissa and her husband.  Whilst Clarissa and her husband stayed in the seats I was boogying out at Chris's feet.... so it was lovely to go with company..  It's funny that my time in Port Douglas most of my friends have been couples... just call me 'Spare Wheel Pen'.

I was so close that all I could offer up when he looked at me was a weak 'hello'

He went off for a wander among the crowd.  He sat on one lady's lap who whispered in his ear 'your getting heavy'  and she wasn't talking about his type of music!

Even his guitar is named after him!

A mirrored suit.. let's hope he doesn't break it.. 7 years bad luck

His cover of 'Ring of Fire'

The echo of Stevie Lingers on...

Despite getting on with life and trying not to think too much about what's happening with Stevie in Finland.. keep seeing reminders of him everywhere haha!

Stevie set the trend...