48 hours and 3 dates later.

So I have embarked on my new mission of internet dating with gusto courtesy of Plenty of Fish (POF) dating site.

My first date was with Mike , moniker of 'crankypants'. Though barely being able to see his photo as he crouched behind two lionesses in his profile photo his wit, scarcasm and sense of humour shone out amongst the other profiles. If only I could have a dollar for every profile saying they want a woman “who likes fun”, “willing to try anything”, “with an open mind”, “no frills excitement” or bottom line “I want a shag without having to pay for it”. So anything with a variance and some intellect is not hard to find.

Mike had a tongue in cheek humour, and we had chatted and texted and he was keen to come up for breakfast. So rather strangely after bidding goodbye to my ‘fun’, ‘no frills’ and naughty Saturday night bit of whoopee. I arrive for breakfast. Rather strange having breakfast with a man that wasn't a romantic development of the night before.

My first impression was, he had lovely eyes.

A charming, fun and interesting breakfast followed by a saunter around the craft market was a lovely way to while away an otherwise stagnant Sunday morning.

With regard to oomph factor I am afraid despite ticking all the right boxes for intellect, fun and humour, I just didn't get any of the blow me socks off and throw me in a haystack type of feeling. We left with a polite kiss on the cheek and him saying that if I was in Cairns on Tuesday then we could meet up. He would have been nice to have hung out with, but then I consider friendships to be organic and naturally progressing.

So I hope we keep in touch and certainly treasure people like him in my life.

And so to Tuesday

With Matt and David… at one point due to complex text messaging and confusion I almost arranged to meet them both at lunch time which could have made an interesting blog post!

So after some palpitations, I met Matt for lunch . Matt came onto POF with no photo, but he liked my profile so I thought I would give him a chance. Despite my protestations he said he liked older women. His email photo sent subsequently showed a not unattractive young man with fine features.

Meeting him he looked like his photo, with his clear blue eyes, until he smiled portraying some complex dentistry and braces. His age of 33 looked more like 25. Then it struck me, do older women lie and take off years and do young men add years.

Whatever the outcome I sat there, thinking how much we must have looked to onlookers like Mother and Son! Likewise there’s me thinking, ‘what a lovely boy’, very courteous and well mannered, and with two houses and a prestige car to boot. Certainly a good catch with a gold seal of approval for any prospective inlaws and girlfriend.

He was quite vocal in wanting to see me again (good for my ego) but for me it would have felt more like incest. All I wanted to do was to take him under my wing (or my dinner lady flabby arms), so I don’t think this is heading anywhere.

Next date was set by David at 5.00 pm in the RSL club.

That’s Australian speak for cheap beers. So no mention of going anywhere for food, and since I was driving the cheap drinks were rather lost on me. So not so well planned me thinks.

I had just walked in the entrance when I spotted him from 100 feet away. David I had initiated contact with on POF because admittedly his rippling body, blue eyed, tanned look and windblown cragginess of a life spent on a boat or surfboard appealed to me. The typical Australian look (and we’re not talking koala!). Spending 4 years on a dive boat as a chef, meant that two of my main loves were met – diving and good food!

His profile was down to earth and honest, with emphasis on being able to have a laugh and enjoy the basic things in life.

Before long we were both having belly laughs together and I would say that that went well.

Though I have to admit through almost passing out from sucking in my stomach, trying to sit upright to pull in my tummy. My washboard stomach was more like a bloated washing machine. Though certainly had the belly for the laughs!

His main loves are his two boys, the gym and diving. On talking about his two young boys his face lit up and he became animated.

I don’t see myself involved with David, unless on a purely booty call type of basis. I did test him when I left by saying that I was worried about staying too late as it was a long drive back in the dark and I get narcolepsy. He didn’t respond with ‘well, I hope you get back safely” or “call me when you get back just to let me know you got back safely’. Only reply was for him to say that he was staying for a few more beers.

We had a goodbye cursory hug and kiss on cheek. I did text that I had arrived back safely and thanks for the evening, but no reply.. .. so I can hear the empty echo of no reply responding back!

So it is 3 dates down 6 to go and all the frantic texting of before has resulted in a dead blank phone.... with the faint rustle of the passing tumbleweed.

I don’t know if I can maintain my first level of enthusiasm. Only one that I am keen on is Natt – but he lives about 1500 km’s away, but we might meet up in Brisbane.

So at present no more dates planned…but well, one never knows - the optimist says the glass is half full, the realist says it's half full of urine!

The 'man' situation

So what about a man?

The sign around my neck now shouts in neon lights ‘single’. A status that is fitting me as snugly as a morbidly obese fitting bikini. Shaking off all my built up reflexes of loyalty and fidelity that I have had in the last 6 years to now live with gay abandon (or not, as in my case) through the broken shackles of new singledom is a daunting task. Not being a spring chicken and feeling even a little on the other side of being a cougar, but with the tastes of someone half my age.. is going to be no easy task. Despite my ongoing dicrepidness I have no liking for bald pates, receding hairlines, wrinkles, middle age spreads or bad teeth. Oh dear, age has not made me less superficial!

So I have launched myself at the singles situation, task in hand, in a business like manner, Not wishing to spend any money (and hoping equally that the men I am trying to attract also wouldn’t want to spend money, not out of lack of it, but more like someone

not being that desperate to want to spend any, but more out of curiousity) I have enlisted the help of modern technology.

So enter Plenty of Fish dating website. My first experience of the joys of our new 21^st technological society. Very strange putting yourself onto the dating market.. Where’s the best photos (I have 4 – one of which is nearly 10 years old. I even have one photo that has ‘TRIAL’ across my forehead – which has raised a few queries about whether I had gone to prison. This was a special software for ‘enhancing’ photos – retouching software that could change Kathy Bates into Angelina. I decided to use the trial software (I didn’t purchase it) hence why it looks like I have a TRIAL tattoo on my forehead!

Not only is this medium for finding that prospective and elusive ‘soul’ partner, but as I am finding out is also a great arena for my perverse sense of humour. I don’t know if it is morally correct to mock the afflicted, but just how much does this appeal to my wicked sense of humour! And so here are a few choice examples for your delectation and delight. The awful thing is that I spend more time looking at these ones and if I click on a photo it shows the recipient that ‘I’m interested’. I wonder if I there’s someone posting on to their blog this picture of a strange woman with ‘TRIAL’ across her forehead.

Picture on right.. Eat your heart out James Bond.. a man that can

wear a small BCD despite being an XL and do all that whilst his mask is filling with water.

This one's handle is 'Romeo' aged 44 (yes. if he is 44 I'm 21)

Do you think he comes with his own teeth?

This one's a worry - he says he is a miner.. but is posing in his security uniform. I think what he is looking for is a housekeeper judging by his environs.

Saturday night… out at the local bar – a real den of backpackers, drunkenss, wanton hedonism, drug induced jolliness. An outside balcony with enforced mingling policy – so many people literally crammed check to jowel (some cases lip to lip) that it’s hard not to talk to people! In the midst of the blanket of heads I heard a ‘hello Rosie’. And there was James the gardener and Thai boxer (very Lady Chatterley!) a cheeky smile rising out of muscled shoulders . I met him 6 months ago, and he ended up coming back to my place – where we then proceeded to google plant names and that was that. I was still with the ex, so made it clear there was to be no googling on any of my ‘bits’ that night. Well, he did come back and in my rather inebriated state, no googling took place – but I did write a rather drunken name of a plant he recommended for my garden.

What do you do on a Saturday night out.. write plant names when drunk of course!

We then ended up in one of those drunken shambolic fall into bed sex sessions. Don’t remember too much, except that it was naughty but nice. Good to feel that I am back on my feet (or back?). He does push those ‘naughty’ buttons for me – he is a total dead loss, interesting, but erratic and quite fascinating. But very easily definitely no complications – though he is the type who would call round drunk at all hours and turn up un announced so not sure if I have opened a can of worms.

As a footnote (literally) 2 days later I find his mismatching socks in the back garden decorating my tropical foliage - the mind boggles or is this modern gardening?

So on reflection – I have lost my loyalty virginity to my ex. But sadly, just wish I didn’t have to. One thing about our relationship ironically was that he was so just spot on sexually – very giving and had me down to a tee and we just ‘clicked’. Plus I won’t mention anything about a baby’s arm!

Next morning was rather abrupt as I had to get him out of the house – as I had a breakfast date! Some irony trying to get rid of someone that you have just slept with to meet someone else as a prospective partner!

See on next blog how my Internet dates went...

Well I read an article which is quite true.. that we are all geared to fall in love.. but not much is covered on trying to fall out of love. Trying to reverse all procedures like trying to push a rewind on your emotional tape cassette.

I have two more dates tomorrow (at present I have 8 people I am chatting with) so lowdown:

1. Matt 33, meeting tomorrow for lunch – he works in IT/telecommunications
2. David – meeting tomorrow later on on (got a bit confused at some point with David and Matt so almost made a terrible mistake and thought I was talking to one person.. could have been interesting having two people turn up at the same time!)
3. Mike – who I met for breakafst on Sunday
4. John – photographer – lives about 1500 km away
5. Natt – very hunky photo – he is 28 but he is interested in meeting up – lives about 1,000 km away
6. Matt – not such a good photo.. but he raved and loved my profile and called me an intelligent woman.
7. Scuba Guy– only in contact with him as he is a keen scuba diver.. so thought it would be good to meet up and go diving perhaps
8. Nut Farmer – can’t meet until November as he is busy studying.
9. Robbo – looks lovely – posing with a lion cub – but even though we did message before , no response from him since I got back.

So sorting through the wheat and chaff, I suppose it could be a game of numbers, I don’t expect to meet ‘the one’ but hopefully will come out of this with some friends.

Wednesday 21st September (thank goodness for a watch that tells the date and time)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFhRowkNrTM&feature=autoshare

I would have liked to have put this at the beginning of the blog - it is the theme tune to Penelope P's situation at present. It could have been The Scorpions - Time for Change, or Bowie - CCChanges, but this one is so much more succinct and says it all The Sick Puppies with Maybe.. really great song - about getting off your arse, making changes and not to be afraid!

Had the ex call me this morning - in high spirits - good to hear him sound happy and positive. Great to chat and in that moment of talking it was as if nothing had changed. Only on putting down the phone does it dawn. He is moving ahead, bought a new settee for 'my' house (no more the 'our'), selling off the surfboard mirror (which was a great cover that I used to hide the ironing board behind). He asked me if I wanted to keep the large ceramic plant pots. I asked if this included the plants - but the self confessed best plant waterer in the world has obviously neglected his duties and it has fallen on crusty soil as I was advised that the plants are not so happy.

On Breakfast TV this morning there was a segment on coping with a break up in a relationship. Advice was that the grieving process takes half as long as the relationship took - so better mark on the calendar 2.5 years from now!

Went and did my 30 lengths in the swimming pool - techniques improving and breathing motion is getting better.

Followed by a treat of reading- The Buddha of Suburbia. What a great book. Told through the eyes of a young pakistani lad in the 1970's it tells of the weaving relationships between the characters. Set in suburbia of South London with the infusion of racism, sexual exploration and confusion, cultural clashes with emotional dilemmas and the complex decisions made as a result.

Went over to Mossman Gorge to the junk shop to see what cornucopia of treasures awaited. Looking forward to getting middle age teeth into a restoration project. At the entrance of the warehouse the smell of rotting flesh welcomes visitors. Mental image of decaying rats on the sticky rat traps still stuck! The 'junk' was shop was aptly called. You know it's bad when vintage knickers (hopefully washed and not displaying retro bodily fluids) are displayed on a mannequin that looks like it had suffered a severe flesh eating disease.

If you buy a second hand junk shop.. would it then be a third hand shop?

Lovely drive back through the countryside as they are harvesting the sugar cane

Finished off the day with working on my various 'projects'.......draft spec for the website and starting experiments!

Tuesday 20th September 2011

Doing well, if I keep this up might even get an entry every day!

An accusing email last night put me into a bit of whirl from the 'ex' saying that he was off the booze and cigarettes and that if I had 'bothered to find out and didn't think all the time about myself' I would have known. That he has now changed his life and moved forward. My response - because I couldn't resist was to remind him of his deceit, lack of empathy and that anybody when they hurt someone replies when they say they are hurt by his actions says 'well suck it up and deal with it'.

I should rise above all this - but it was a tempting thrust and cut. A phone call today briefly he sounded all chirpy so I think we are back on track with the friendship and it survived the side swipes.

Spent the morning organising, researching in lieu for my various projects.. all will be revealed in the fullness of time!

Thought I would try and sneak into a nearby resort swimming pool that has swim lanes. Ironically, the resort, that I nearly bought a house in, but bought the one I am in instead. Thought I could sneak in but no such luck. So I signed up for 2 weeks for $25 which seems a pretty good deal and had a little smug feeling when they said that even if you owned a property on the resort I would still have had to pay.

Just started my swim.. set myself a little target of 20 lengths (ok, ok, length of pool was 25 metres) gently gently. Overheard the guy in the next lane say to his daughter " I will be doing the 100 so will be out within the hour". Well, I did my 20, lay on a sunbed, read a chapter of my book, fell asleep, woke up and he was still going - he was still going when I left.

Bit of a whoo hooo.. moment this evening - new 2 and a half Men episode with Ashton Kutcher - yep.. certainly think they are appealing to the ladies in the audience - or did wardrobe have a malfunction and found out at the last minute that Charlie Sheen's clothes just didn't fit him. Ashton Kutcher parading around naked for half an hour - though funny how the tv kept going square focus when senstive bits were in the screen - is that TV imaging for 'use your imagination'. No wonder that Demi Moore looks so happy!

How strange that Charlie Sheen's new programme Charlie Sheen Roast blares onto the screen only half an hour later - to the AC/DC runaway train anthem. And judging from the first intro on the programme it's all been done in the worst possible taste - within the first 1 minute they have mocked Amy Whitehouse and joked about his cocaine habit.. a train wreck of a programme at full speed.

Had a bit of chicken, salad and couscous for dinner - with additional taste of sprinklings of burnt plastic. Only in China would they make a fish slice that disintegrates under heat! Now how do I get burnt plastic off a frying pan?

The beginning of a brand new chapter

Let’s set the scene.

To clarify Penelope P in Port does pertain to Port Douglas, Australia, and not the alcoholic beverage or indeed the opposite to starboard on a boat. Though as this blog continues I am sure all angles of its uses will be explored fully.

18^th September 2011

49 years old, just finished a 6 year relationship – which has taken me from a 43 year old young cougar to a 49 definitely middle aged and feeling past it bearded lioness.

Being strong, putting on a brave face is overrated. I feel very sad and angry at the outcome where a man I love and still love has squandered what we had in the name of ego, emotional immaturity and total lack of empathy. When backed into a corner – make an exit door.

My exit door went from Sydney in New South Wales to Port Douglas Far North Queensland. Any further North and I would be in Papua New Guinea! So I bought a house, left everything in situ in our rented accommodation in Sydney including my car and slipped through to Port as smoothly as if I had been covered in olive oil.

A British citizen now a resident of tropical, beautiful Port Douglas. Fringed by the Daintree rainforest and Barrier Reef – what’s not to like for an uplifting environment. Just looking at the sunsets here can fill the craggy clawing crevices of ones heart with mellow rays of peace – well that’s the idea.

My first night was graced with a showing of the film Elizabeth I. Good to see the toughest Queen of England lost her heart to Robert Dudley. Her penance was to let him live after he was proved a traitor. This was to serve as a painful reminder to her of her human frailty. As an added token action she hacked off her long auburn locks in a symbolic gesture of becoming married only to her people and becoming a born again virgin.

I won’t be cutting my locks off, but somehow her actions carry a resonance with me.

So this blog is the start of my new Chapter. I will keep this updated with ideas, concepts, drunken, sober moments, philosophical outpourings and observances.

19^th September

Ooooh yes.. self indulgence…

Just bought a car today. You might think – aah yes, a small little run around incognito, or a 4x4 so I can go on all those rough terrain expeditions for camping and diving. Nooo… I buy a beautiful sea blue VW Beetle that EVERYONE will know it’s me driving! Could be interesting.

There is a story behind this…

When I lived in London I bought a classic VW Beetle – with its original light blue egg colour. A friend of mine was a car sprayer and offered to spray the car. So I select a beautiful vibrant metallic blue that echoed a cool blue lagoon– one that you could just dive into. On going to pick it up looking for the car he points to a VW in the corner - transformed into a metallic swamp green colour a massive dung beetle of a car. Followed by the comment “well they didn’t have the colour you wanted” So 500 pounds down and a swamp green VW emerged. 6 months later I blow up the back end and another ‘friend’ offered to replace the engine for me. Replacement engine that he installed blew up one day later. Due to it being second hand reconditioned with no guarantees that was an expensive day’s driving for another 500 pounds. It did manage a trip from London to Manchester but that did involve me and my Dutch boyfriend at the time both wrapped up in sleeping bags as we trundled at 50 mph up the M1. I have never sold a car where somebody had to come to tow it away.

And so my dream after that was to have a VW Beetle – sea lagoon blue, but with modern ‘bits’ (yep, I am so technical!).

Woke up this morning with a slight self indulgent sniffle, and driving the beautiful journey from Cains to Port Douglas, get the odd wistful lump in the throat when a particularly ‘press the buttons’ song comes on the radio.

Did stop taking my HRT pills for a week last week, so maybe just the knock on from that as I think it’s less PMT (pre menstrual tention ) more like PMS (post menopausal sniffles).

Went to see a medium yesterday, quickie 15 minutes for $20 – I asked him to speak quickly so I could get my monies worth. Bottom line, I am sensitive, I need to be organized, my guardians are my Mother, my Uncle and a Warlord (he is going to have his work cut out with my Mother!) and everything is going to be OK and I have a good soul (I presume he wasn’t talking about my new shoes). He did say that I had travelled extensively (my sunburnt complexion could have been a give away) and I worked with water and boats – so that was pretty spot on being that for 8 years I was a diver and plan to return to that industry.

Tomorrow pick up my new car and drive!!!