Flung into January with a whirlwind

Yes, I've tried Plenty of Fish, RSVP, Zoosk dating sites.

A friend who stayed mentioned about a phone app called Badoo.  Because Tony recommended it I thought 'ah, a friendship site not based on sexual hookups'.

So after downloading off I go 'cruising'.  It allows you to go through all the pictures and click if you like them.  On the flip side the men do this on the other side.  And hey presto.. up comes pictures of your mutually attracted suitors.

I was quite surprised at the standard and ended up clicking a few.  Though was disappointed that my clicked men were dispersed all over the coutnry.  And Australia's a big country.  I thought it would be easier to search regionally.

The messages came in thick and fast (didn't realise that ALL my photos had been downloaded by Badoo from my Facebook and I ended up having about 56 photos on my profile pictures!).

My first 'encounter' started off well with a guy who lived an hour away.  We chatted, he seemed nice (and good looking) and we thought it might be good to meet up for a drink or a coffee.... and then..........  "can I ask if you will do something special for me"... I thought.. "here it comes".  So this man had a fantasy of wanting a stranger to just find him and watch him please himself.  At first I thought 'oh well, I can just meet up and look the other way and then go for a drink or coffee'.. But after he asked if he could come on my hands or my bare breasts I realised that my involvement was being sought, and gazing at background scenery wasn't going to cut it.  When I said I would meet without acting out the scenario I thought the message had sunk in.  So after a few days when he mentioned a possible rendez vous date , a message out of the blue came up "well, you can just watch then".

I didn't reply.

Another message popped up showing a tight , muscle bound torso and a man I wouldn't normally go for with a profile description:

"I am looking to contact women who have more than just beauty.  Who have a soul and where intelligence and spirit create this".

Ah!  A man with intelligence and not into the superficiality of trawling for sex that some men on these sites have as their modus operandi.

It was even refreshing that when we first chatted he asked if we could talk on the phone... how strange that sounded.. I do believe phones should now be renamed texters, people just don't want to talk on the phone anymore.  It has been scientifically proven that much of an attraction a woman has with a man is his voice and that you can tell a lot by someone consciously or subconsciously.

So here beginneth the marathon phone conversations.. (thank goodness for viber and Skype).  Christof is French from Nice, scaringly intelligent, 2 Masters Degrees and now studying for his PhD in Brisbane. He arrived 8 months ago and talks amazingly good English.  He is a man that has a high intellect and is a unique character.

He never asked anything sleazy and seemed genuine.  Our conversations became much more closer, not by topic but just the feeling that we were forging a bond.  The conversation turned to him coming to see me.

With an earlier aside saying that if all went well he would pay for me to go to Brazil with him, I thought that he didn't seem to strapped for cash.  I did say "let's just see how it goes" (though highly excited about the prospect of course). So a flight to Port Douglas woudln't put too much of a stress on his wallet.

He said he had a two week holiday coming up and would look to come up then.  It was initially for a couple of weeks (bit of a worry for a man I've never met).  He said he would surprise me when he was going to arrive.

Before I knew it I had a text saying he had booked it, but for only 5 days.

Texts continued to be exchanged

"I'm sure our love will grow up it doesn't matter why n how we are going to live together'

"I am so proud and blessed to be in your life"

"Bonjour love, here's your morning kiss"

"Hello Princess"

"Thank you for your picture of the view from the boat, I looked at it and imagined me standing behind you holding you and looking out with you'

On talking about staying he said he just wanted to cuddle me.

Maybe too good to be true.  I initially thought well it can't be a scam, he hasn't asked for money.

When I asked about other women he said that he does meet women when he rarely goes out to clubs and pubs (four times since he has been here) and each time has been asked back for coffee.. and then gets up and leaves - probably escorted to the door by a shocked, gaping women, who was reworking her definition of "come back for coffee'.  He genuinley just goes for coffee as he doesn't follow up with women unless he feels they are special.

So for him to throw all this love and attention at me bowled me over!

Then he slipped off the radar for a couple of days.. I was tempted to do the "Are you ok' messaging but thought I would play it cool.  So a message "Im so sorry been in the hospital for 2 days" was a bit of a shock.  He didn't want to talk about it straight away "Sorry just don't feel good to talk cos I had bad news and am trying to believe it'.

Later the next day he said he was ok to talk ... seems that they have found a cancer tumour in his stomach and he needs to get it attended to urgently.

He was already complaining about feeling tired before - which, to me shows that his body is fighting something.  He still goes to the gym, but saying that he was so tired.

The day we chatted about his cancer was the day that he said he was due to arrive here in Port Douglas as a suprise to me.  Obviously that trip is now curtailed with another trip to the hospital on Monday for more tests.

He is 30 years old, fit and mixed in with that slight overbearingness of the French is a beautiful, sensitive man who believes in love and soul partners and wants to be there.  He has an old head on young shoulders and seemed to be strong with it and is wanting to fight it.

This has all happened over a period of 2 weeks..

I have been holding back emotionally with my sensible head on.

My sensible head and my stupid head merged today.. I have continued to message with men that contacted me from Badoo - well, today I accidentally texted back an inocuous message "Ah, so you live in Sydney", which poor Christof received as a text message  - while receiving the restults of tests .  He replied with a  "what?"


Yep.. sent it to Christof by mistake.

Oh dear..  did the shit hit the fan!  So much shit I couldn't see the fan.

Yes, I am getting emotionally very involved with Christof, if it happened to me I would be upset.. but I don't consider two weeks, never met, never had sex is a committed relationship.  But for Christof who was literally declaring undying love it struck him hard.

So after discussing and talking - his first text was "I feel so down and disappointed. Good luck was lovely knowing you.  N thanks for everything".

Finally, after some similar texts and "Promise I'm not going to meet anyone else anymore. Happy to be by myself"  I didn't reply.

Then a message "When u have the time u can call me" - the white flag!

This evening we had make up sex over the phone, I think he has forgiven me (for my sins!). I'm off all the chat and dating sites now and realise how special he is.

Yep.. cerebally I did nothing wrong,  we weren't in a relationship, I've never even met him.  But to be true to myself and him, yes, there is an emotional involvement and that did compromise what we both believed was happening to us.

I think we are back on track.. for what -  is a worry.... it's a long road ahead.. with his cancer and our distance apart (only an hour away on a plane, but $300 round trip, could be the biggest hiccup for me).

Christof says he is going to use all his money to fight this... so with paying privatley for  a lengthy cancer treatment even Christof coming to see me might be more of an expense for him.

I don't know if I'm being highly stupid or if jumping off the deep end and just going with the flow is going to leave me up the proverbial shit creek -  (I am well aware of keeping my head whilst losing my heart... haha famous last words!).

It could be a rocky ride.. strap myself in...