Just a few of the buses carting people to the boats in the morning -
the dive boats.. all three of them! And the pontoon intro area.. the battery farm entry into the water....
I don't think that I can take it any more... the pressure, the nit picking, the being the brunt of every eye roll, the scrutiny, the unfriendliness, the snide comments..... 7 months into my dive work and I am still not signed off as an 'instructor' .. despite working as an instructor for 8 years. My self confidence is at its lowest ebb and despite my wanting to 'not let it get to me' it is. My last training day was in November! So now today 5 months later I am picking up where I left off.
It is getting to my core. I lay awake at night dreading the next day, I end each day with relief.
The end is drawing nigh.. I am going to have to take that bull by the horns and raise a one finger defiant.. sod you sign! Working out when to do this to keep what shred of dignity I have left intact..
Everything I do is wrong! Today I swam too slowly - while trying to haul 4 divers around the reef backward swimming. I am not allowed to add air to their bcds so they kept sinking down (der!). I took my eyes off them (only to avoid swimming them into a large rock and look where I was going). I am not making it obvious enough that I am checking their air. I am supposed to be the first out.. but one divemaster client that was with my intros today decided on ascent at 2m to do a U turn and look at something else.. so now I have 'lost a diver'......when I was getting my intros out of the water.
My time is limited.. very limited... so now I have to instigate plan A, B, C, D, E....... just got to work out what those plans are!
Just feel so deflated... but talking to other instructors (well, I do have a couple of co worker friends.. ) that';s how they make people feel.
I was only told last week that nobody wanted to work with me.. that's why I wasn't getting any work!
Apparently that's what they told one of my colleagues as well..!
Do I really have to put up with this crap! Only a matter of time methinks!
How strange that having a job diving on the Barrier Reef is 'the dream job' and yet due to the set up and the people it has turned into the job from hell.
Jean Paul Sartre, the french extentialist had it right "hell is other people".... don't I bleedin know it!
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