Trying to be Leaner .. though not Meaner!

My second Cairns home.. Sportsworld...

Pilates Class.. where we practice blowing bubble gum

Zoomba

 

 

 

 

Right…

Away from men.. away from all that… anyone would think I had nothing better in my life to think about…

A cursory distraction from my main goal of living a life…! So what else have I been up to?

I always consider the main things in one’s life for equilibrium is Love, Health, Money.

And so to health……

There’s been too much in this blog about Love (or lack of it! Haha). 

Somebody said that you spend the first half of your life abusing your body and the second half trying to repair it.

Luckily, I haven’t been too destructive, though the years in Sydney of cooking big meals in the evening as a couple, glasses of wine with dinner and cigarettes I am sure haven’t helped.

My last lovemaking with my ex boyfriend was on our last night before I left and I remember looking down at my mountainous midrift thinking.. oh my goodness that will be the last thing he will remember of me!

I left Sydney weighing  nearly 12 stone (about 165 lbs/82 kilos) .  Luckily, with a large frame I carried it well with my ‘big wardrobe’ clothes that hung flowingly and decorously over the bulges.

Part of the reason I wanted to get out of my last relationship was that I wasn’t going to be leading a lifestyle with my ex that was going to improve the situation.  He was an exuberant drinker, a lover of food, and a relationship that still meant that we enjoyed each other’s company after work.. which   would be shared at home cogitating and couch surfing rather than mutual treadmills down the gym.

After I left him I travelled to the UK, Honduras and Costa Rica. Weight started to begin to slowly drop off.  Without large meals in the evening and not sitting behind a desk for 8 hours a day it was a no-brainer that I would be able to shift some weight.

Arriving in Port Douglas and working on the dive boats ensured that a healthy lifestyle working in diving pushed off further poundage. 

It was purely through a surprise telephone call that I found myself sitting in an interview on the Friday.. and then starting work on the Monday in marketing for Cairns Pullman Hotel and Reef Casino (more on that in subsequent blog).

Back sitting onto my lardy arse in an office.  Oh dread.. that office figure again.as if evolving Darwinian style one's body develops comfortable cushions of fat to pad out that sedentary lifestyle.

And so.. to the gym I enrolled.

So lucky it is on my way back from work and a lovely detour.. and my diary looks like:

Monday - masochistic yoga... the other day I was doing a position and fell forward on my face and gave my cheek a carpet burn!  The yoga instructor is a kick ass.. we are not talking gentle meditative .. we're talking 'take the pain'..'

Tuesday - Pilates - so now I know what they use the bouncy beach balls for!

Wednesday - Body Balancing.. seems that I need all the balancing I can get.. because I am still falling over!

Thursday -  I do lengths in the pool as no courses are run late enough for me to make after work

Friday - Zumba

I also do weights after every session and am getting into the habit of doing  3,000 lb abs bends, 3,000 lb back bends , a few arm curly things, leg pushes and curves.. and then that's it.

My weight has gone down from just under 12 to just over 10 stone - so I have lost about 18 lbs - 9.5 kilos and I still have a spare energetically pumped up spare tyre midrift that doesn't seem to want to deflate.  So still lots of work to do.

I also have to add to the above that after all these years I now religiously have breakfast (gone are the days of a coffee and a cigarette!) that consists of yoghurt (low fat), muesli/bran and fruit (strawberries and bananas or blackberries if in season)...

I can't say that I feel truly confident in myself.  Certainly when one is attracting men with bulging muscles who are so body concious (and who 'like' ripped girls on their Facebook page.. yep.. Mr PADI) my lack of a flat stomach and abs does make me rather self conscious. But also , let's be real I am 50 yrs old.. one can't compete with young girls.  They might have their puppy fat.. I have middle aged spread.. I suppose there is some commonality there.. hahaha!

But to walk and not feel one's legs swishing on the inside as the fat rubs together.. or run and not feel the poundage pounding is a definite improvement - to fit into clothes! To actually wear clothes that figure hug a bit.. oh joy!  How much better one can feel about oneself!

Tumbleweed and Punk eau de cologne!

After last week’s high… I suppose it’s inevitable that the fall out will happen this week….

 

After my email to Lawrence the Sunday night fling.. and hoping to meet up at least one more time before he left I sent a message saying ‘I think it’s today you leave, and sorry never to have got a chance to meet again.  I hope the wedding went well.  Will think of you next time I’m in Perth.  Of course if you ever come back to Port… you know where I am.  Lovely to have met u.”

His reply  “Hey Rosie, Thanks so much! Was fun meeting u also, till next time x”.  A kind of courteous reply  saying thanks for the one night stand.. and I’m outta here’.

 

Mr PADI … still into Simon & Garfunkel’s …. Silence is Golden theme tune

Going through emotional highs and lows on this one…  I know he liked me.. maybe too much.. maybe too little.  Maybe I am reading too much into this .. maybe I’m not.  But bottom line I am adept at picking myself up, dusting myself off and carrying on.  Head up high.. or bowed against the oncoming wind… one has to move on.

So it was rather mopily the other evening that I was on my computer when out of the the blue I ended up chatting with this guy off of RSVP called Row  (no, not as in the argument, but as in Row.. short for Rowan).   He just seemed like a bit of a kindred spirit judging by his photo.. wind swept , sea action shot.  Sure enough we start chatting, then texting, then chatting on the phone (yep. Old fashioned concept -  phone conversations!).  Found out that we both have a love of photography to the point that he asked if I wanted to go with him on a dual photo shoot opportunity this weekend.  YEAH!!!  The first time some guy has suggested something interesting. I am not thinking of him as an amorous encounter (though he is attractive.. though a little on the small side for me), but just as a friendship.

 

We got on so well we actually arranged to meet quickly last night.  All went well, we had a lovely chat, laugh, shared a couple of beers and then parted ways.  Both agreeing that it was about friendship and two people with shared interests.. so we are not talking anything heavy!

I texted back on returning home some witty comments and that it was lovely to meet him………………………………………  but no equally warming response was received so thought the curse of the tumbleweed had hit again.

Texted him this morning as well with some information he wanted………………… and finally I did receive a text reply 2 hours later with a  “Thanks.. I’ll check it out…  talk soon”… was that a watch this space kind or probably not kind of message ?

Yesterday, also, I had been meaning to contact my ex for a while.  So finally got round to calling him.  Got his voicemail.  So left a friendly message , “ Hi, just thought I’d call to say hi, hope all is going well with you, I’ll try again later”….. but no friendly return of my call back 24 hours later.

Is there something exuding off me at the moment.. some aura that resembles a mixture of Halitosis, BO and social pariah… that would be a good celebrity perfume for someone like Johnny Rotten!

Yeh, I know don’t treat it personally.. one can’t go through life looking at ourselves through the reflection of how others respond to us.  But sometimes that is only the measuring tool that we can use … just have to learn sometimes that the calibration can be a bit out!  I can totally understand it with Lawrence… but with Mr PADI.. after 9 months and about 5 ‘dates’.. I really don’t think that’s the same category.. I would have hoped by then that it was a bit more than just pure sexual gratification. 

 

 

It all seemed to be going so well……………

 

(Sound effect of screeching needle across record…)

 

 

I was due to go with friends to the Underwater Cairns Film Festival.  I mentioned that I was going to Mr PADI (who has been all consuming all my being for the last couple of weeks)   He said he would be there in his professional capacity.  I texted and said that I understood he was in work mode .. making him realise that I wouldn’t go up and try and dry hump him in public.  I did say that if he wasn’t busy afterwards I could ‘catch up’ with him.. but just working out whether to take two cars or one.

 

He said that he would probably end up working late so didn’t know when he was finished.  A pretty non-committal answer that had me banking on the ‘share a car option’.

 

We sent text messages to each other that day (Saturday) and even though he was in presentations we had an ongoing conversation.. including me sending him a pic of me sunbathing on the beach (all in the best possible taste).  To which his reply was ‘Wow, you are taking full advantage of your days off!! .. which I think was a positive.

 

We arrive I see his head – not hard at 6’4” and shoulders like a transformer on steroids.  We catch each other’s eye, I think ‘he’s in work mode so don’t want to go over and be intrusive’ – but no, over he bounds and plants two kisses on my cheeks and says a warm hello.  Then he disappears back into the throng of milling bodies.

 

Later on after intermission he finds me again, comes over and then kisses me on the lips.  Which I would have to say was a pretty public display of affection and I was blown away… well I would have been blown away if I wasn’t already floating on a cloud.  With a thanks for the photo today!

 

He then comes over to me and says that ‘Sheridan’ who he had mentioned to me he was going to meet up with  ( PADI Marketing Director) had been waiting in a restaurant for him since 8.00 and it was 8.20 and he couldn’t get hold of her.  Though what this was to do with me I am not sure. 

 

Obviously that meant that he was meeting her for dinner and leaving the venue.  So I kind of hung around to say goodbye, then went into the auditorium and popped out about 10 min later to see if he had gone.  He was on the other side of the entrance hall chatting on the phone.  He saw me looking for him and spotting him but then I was a bit embarrassed that I had been caught trying to look for him so just slinked back into the auditorium.

 

The couple I was with (wonderful couple who I worked with in diving), left before it finished so I got a lift home with them.  Left a text to Mr PADI, “Leaving now, lovely to have seen you, short but sweet J x”.

 

And just expected a text back saying ‘lovely to see you too’ kind of one…

 

That was on Saturday night (today is Tuesday)………………………………. And since then……………..we have the Art and Garfunkel Classic…. The Sound of Silence…accompanied by the sound of rolling tumbleweed…… oh dear.  Methinks I have committed a faut pas… the one of being too open, perhaps opening up a bit too early… and for my sins that’s it…

 

I will have to take it on the chin and never lift a finger to contact him again.. It will either be that we never get together again.. or if I play my cards right.. means I might get him calling me back in a few weeks… to be honest I am OVER IT... some days I think sod him.. and other days.. I just feel dejected and rejected.. with the hanging 'WHY?" cloud over my head... or the tinge of well. it's only a few days perhaps he'll call next week...

 

Here’s a little article I read… and for all those days he doesn’t call I should read this and learn.. at 50 years old.. there is so much room for growth!  Keep telling myself the mantra "Do not seek external validation.. Do not seek external validation.... Do not seek validation..."

 

 

 

 

The Monster Called “Neediness”

 

Have you ever found yourself in the following scenario?

 

When things are going well and the man pays a lot of attention to

you, everything is perfect! You are energetic, happy, and bubbling.

As soon as the man starts to show less affection, calls less, and fails to

remind you how much he adores you, you start to wonder …

 

• Has he lost interest?

• Was it something I did?

• What is he thinking?

• Why hasn't he called for two days?

• Is there someone else?

After having these doubts in your mind for a few days, you decide to

confront him and ask him what is going on.

If you want to keep this man in your life, confronting him about this

is a strategic mistake you can't afford to make. Let me show you

what exactly goes through a man's mind when you confront him

about this:

• Gee, she really needs my attention 24/7.

• This will be a lot of work, I can see that!

If she couldn't even deal with this, how would she deal with big

problems if we ever end up together?

 

As you can see, it doesn't lead to anywhere good. When a woman

shows her neediness during the early stages of a relationship, it turns

men off in a big way. This is because being needy signals to a man

two things about a woman:

 

• First, a man will interpret it as her not having control over her

emotions. This shows emotional weakness.

• Second, a man will think that she is insecure. He then

concludes that he will have to give her a lot of validation and

reassurance to make things work.

This “neediness” is like a man repellent and you have to get rid of it

fast. The good news is that it can be eradicated, and I will show you

exactly how to do this.

The feeling of “neediness” arises from a woman's belief that her

intrinsic worth is determined by a man's approval of her. When you

sit down and think about this belief, it doesn't really make sense to

you, does it?

Don't you feel like you should always have the final say on your

intrinsic worth?

It doesn't make sense that a man who has only known you briefly

should get the power to determine your worth, does it?

 

You are absolutely right! You and you alone are the judge of your

character and intrinsic worth. You have to fight every single step to

resist the tendency to seek external validation.

So I sit here waiting waiting  with baited breath….. meeting Mr PADI tonight.  I have bought 2 tickets for the Cairns Festival Comedy Night and wonder if it will be a night of expectations dashed at my feet.. will last weeks kisses and touches carry on .. or was it a momentarily abherration on his part?

I am sitting here with my eyelashes permed curled, and a new $150 hair do.. it’s 4.14pm and still no text from him advising where to meet. Men! all he has to do is text me to say where and when to meet and give me a a bit of notice.. but no..

Since I hadn’t heard anything I bit the bullet and texted.. . ‘Hope you are having a lovely day, let me know where and when for tonight”.

My bet will be either I receive a last minute text saying meet me in 10 mins somewhere – so much for artfully applying make up and changing in a relaxed manner     or…….. I  daren’t even go there ‘sorry, somethings come up and can’t make it tonight’.



So whilst I wait I will write about last week..

Saturday night with friends sitting around on those cocktail sofas and coffee tables.   I was chatting intensely to Jane (a really lovely English girl/woman that I have now become very friendly with). 

She mentions about a good looking guy in a white T shirt… I scout around with my hawk eyes and good looking guy antennae and say I can’t see anybody in a white T shirt.  She looks round and says.. aah.. he’s put a black shirt over it.  As I am looking over I see that he is pointing at me and talking to one of his friends.  I thinks.. ‘too far away to spot any spinach in the teeth’ ‘Did my hairdo go quietly into a massively bad hair day whilst I wasn’t looking’, ‘I am sure both boobs are house-trained and are tucked firmly into my low cleavage top’.

So I get up and go over and enquire ‘hi, so I see you are pointing at me, any reason?’ in a non threatening fun way as this guy is good looking and I don’t want to scare him.  He replies that he had just spotted me and was pointing me out to his friend as a girl that he would like to get to know better.

So we chat for a while, have a laugh.. and I’m thinking ‘yes, you seem lovely and would be lovely to get to know you better too’.   Since we were both with separate parties we exchanged phone numbers and off we trot.
By Sunday (and we are talking a heavy Saturday night that had me going to bed at 10.00am) I had forgotten about our lovely meeting until I received a text message at 1.24am the next day.. Hey Rosie, Lawrence here.  Was lovely to meet u tonight.

 Give me a call if you are free to catch up anytime soon.

My reply : ‘Lovely to hear from you. I am in Port today then In Cairns tmorrow wd be good to see you
Next reply 6.52…just got back to my hotel room, do you have any plans tonight, I was thinking of getting a take out and chilling with a movie…

So at 9.00 there’s me looking for Room 50 (how many corridors does this hotel have)… felt a bit like a call girl!  It was only whilst wandering around the hotel that I realised how positively shady this could seem.
Finally, found his room.. 

I sat on the sofa and when he asked whether I wanted to watch the movie on the sofa or the bed I kind of had a massive brain fart dilemma as this was going to set the tone for the night so I said rather plaintively “I really don’t know” and then realising how wimpy that sounded, made a decision and said.. the bed , backing it up by saying ‘just didn’t know as if I watch films in bed I usually fall asleep’
So he puts together some pillows side on and we scoot on the bed to watch the movie…

Now, Lawrence is good looking and he has a body that I didn’t realise was pumped.. I was too busy conversing with his face to cast my eyes over his torso when we first met.

We lie next to one another… and yes…the vibes… when he reaches for my hand and starts playing with my fingers……..ooooooooohhhhhhaaahh missus.

He was such a lovely toucher!  I know that seems strange but a guy who knows how to caress … and as we slowly unrobed… wow…  a very honed chest and six pack were slowly uncovered with a not inconsiderable and well endowed member (thank god for that.. relief!).
Yep.. it was lovely… very intimate and close.

I didn’t sleep very well… kept opening my eyes just to soak up the lovely feeling of lying with him and I was so scared that I would snore or fart that I didn’t want to disturb him.
In the morning we did it all again… (he had to put his hand over my mouth ... which made me think.. blimey I must look a bit stupid.. eyes bulging, with the muted and now subsiding grunts).

He got up at 6.00 to go the gym.. and me… to toddle off to work.

When the subject of seeing each other again came up… looks like he is busy all week.. he is here for a wedding.. on Friday.. so I think we may catch up next weekend.  As yet.. Wednesday no text message so just wondering if that’s that….. so we shall see!




Oh me of little faith!

At 5.30 received a text ‘6.00  Thai Coins Restaurant’.

So 6.00 I rock up at Thai Coins.  I went in and he was sitting down and I did the double sided cheek kiss (I think he was moving in for just a kiss on the lips, but I thought I would play safe!).

 I wondered why he had chosen a restaurant 5 minute drive out of town, when we were supposed to be going to a venue in town.  All was revealed at the end ‘we’ll go back to my place and drop one of the cars off’ .. which means… we have to return their afterwards. Hahaha! 

So we drove to the Civic Theatre to see the comedy acts.  It was great, great comedians and some great observational humour. Even one of the speakers in the roof enjoyed it by letting off smoke to our consternation as both Mr PADI and I were right underneath it!  A bit of knee cursory touching but nothing intimate.
We went back to his place and started watching Quadrophenia (as one does!).  He came and sat next to me on the sofa (and yes… there were two sofas so a bit more intimate)…. So very cosy and then we stared to kiss………….. ok ok… Quadrophenia was shut down and we adjourned.’’

He is a bulk of body.. my goodness.. mountains of hard muscle.  I was a little concerned when my pet hate was revealed… the shaved hair thing.. but luckily it wasn’t spiky so that was fine. Nothing like laying your cheek on that expansive chest to feel like you might just have well slept on the  Welcome door mat.

We had the ‘whoops’ no one has bought any condoms moment’.  So I was all prepared to carry on without anything more than fondles and caresses (come on, I have been waiting for this moment for 9 months.. what’s another week!)..  But in the end his fervency took over….

How lovely it was to wake up this morning in that lazy morning feeling with limbs draped over each other in that lovely body fitting and snuggling stage.  My 7.00 am get out of bed.. ended up being a pulling myself away like a band aid on a hairy leg.. talk about a wrench. Left at 8.20 and got to work at 8.30.

I was determined to say something (he had called me gorgeous after last week, so I think since I have been so closely guarded all the way through this I will let a chism show through), so when I left I said what a wonderful night it had been and how I thought he was wonderful.  Well, two ‘wonderfuls’ in the one sentence.. whose watching my grammar, but I think it helped to emphasise it.  He replied that he thought the same about me.  I left with the tailing sentence ‘would be lovely to catch up with you again soon’….. (might live to regret that sentence.. but hey.. got to put some cards on the table!).

From the way he was talking yesterday it was .. I have got this trip planned, and then back again with a friend, and then I go to … and then to ………..   Yep.. his work takes him everywhere and the date of 1st September I had put aside for him to come to Port he can’t make…

So where from here?….. I suppose same same.. but different…..

He really is the only man since I left my ex that I have felt  that ‘bling’ of desire, lust, love.. call it what you will.  He ticks so many boxes… in his 40’s, same lifestyle as me, travels, dives, same interests (though not sure about his techno cravings.. though he did mention he liked the cult and other music so that’s encouraging).  We love a good laugh together and he is intelligent… and compared to the guys here he doesn’t hunt pigs or go fishing!

One thing I will say is that these body builders.. I remember going out with body builder before and on our first night he pulled my legs up spread eagle, holding one ankle by each hand like a hanging handstand.  All was rushing to my head, including my swinging tits and my dignity closely followed behind!

Same with Mr PADI in some of the 'activity' his favourite position is the trussed chicken look which entails holding both my feet up together and continuing in that position.  My thoughts 'good, he can't see my stomach that way and I was so glad that they lady at the bikini wax place does such a good job she waxes right round and underneath'.

Must be something with body builders that they like to feel like they are working out at the same time!



Had a peek at his Facebook page.. bit worried about his liking for the gym hotties  (body beautiful girls that post their bodies on this page, but hey – didn’t seem to put him off last night.. a few womanly curves!  Thank goodness I have been doing 3 gym sessions a week! I did do some selective breathing in when needed!

So now.. the tumbleweed moment…. Wondering what the next meeting will bring.. if there will be.. what will happen.. is it destined just to be a series of ad hoc liaisons… without a raison d’etre?



Just writing this up the next evening.. up pops a little text message 'hey how was your day?'  YEEEEHHHAAAH!  Looks like the tumble weed might not be being blown around so much!

The man himself... 6'4" of solid muscle.. but a great depreciating humour and just keeping my fingers crossed...

.... has been deleted...

Oh dear oh dear...

After a week of chatting with Chase.. see two posts ago...

I get a text "so do you like anal sex?'

I spent the day putting together a witty incisive reply (to make him more thoughtful about his actions)

And then back on POF I had the message

"......... has been deleted"

Poof! Like a puff of smoke.... gone....

Hahaha....

So much for virtual friendships... very virtual

I also wonder about.. "has been deleted" and wonder if someone complained about him....

Bit by bit....... Slowly slowly to catch a monkey (or a whoomf of a hunk!)

Finally..........

Mr PADI called yesterday..

A couple of times.. in the end a message 'Call me when you get a chance please'

So finally chatted.. he is totally mortified that I was upset when we had the menage a trois in the cinema.  I shrugged it off with 'well, I'm probably being a bit too sensitive'.  He said that the other girl didn't mean anything (I immediately thought.. that's strange - that leaves the implication that I did!)

So he asked if I wanted to go to the cinema tonight.

So who was I to say 'no'.. or 'I'll just check my social diary'

He said that we could go to a later one so we have time to eat before.

So he texted me with screen time 19.20 today and 'see you there'.  So me thinks.. what happened to the eating before idea?

So I tentatively text back 'do you want to meet for something to eat beforehand' ... what is it with these guys!

So we met up and had a lovely dinner overlooking the bay of Cairns ( I went Dutch.. hahaha!  Because he's Dutch.. he didn't want to.. but hey, I thought since I asked him out to dinner, a bit rude to ask someone out and then expect them to pay.. so I just paid for myself).

Mr PADI is a total health freak so his rather fatty fried rice and carbo fat encrusted crackers were left on the side of his plate (that's the pay off when you are with a man with a body that's ripped)

Sure enough I asked him if he had been in the army .. and yes, he had.. figures... as tidy and clean as anything and if you look at him he looks just like a character out of an SAS movie... he did say that he was 30 kilos heavier now as he coudn't move and run with his body bulk hat he had now.  He is I worked out, aged about 45 years old  - think I have managed to avoid the 'age' question so far.

He did say that he had just returned from Playa del Carmen in Mexico from a business meeting and there were wall to wall cougars - lots of women in their 50's (Hahaha! I laughed as I drank my drink thinking.. whoops!)

We went to see Will Farrell film 'The Candidate' a spoof on American politics, which definitely had some out loud laughing moments - where he would reach out and grab my leg or arm when laughing.

Oh yes... me thinks.... physical contact (yep.. after 3 dates this is the most physical contact I have had.. apart from the odd hug and 'moi' kiss on the cheek).  I did wonder if the tide was changing.

We bid our goodbyes......oooh yes.... we are talking kiss on the lips.. big hug.. and then another kiss on the lips and some close hugs and he walked me across the road with his arm around me........


Whayyhayayayhayhay!


He wanted to know if I wanted to come round to watch Star Wars at his house one day...

I have invited him to Port Douglas to go diving and to go to the outside cinema.


Maybe things are moving along now.... I won't hold my breath but... mmmmm.. the sap is rising!

Having some lovely chats with some men on POF at the moment..  Been chatting with them now for about 4 nights in a row... virtual friendships!

The one in the forefront is Chase... he actually said he wanted to come to Port Douglas to meet me... well.. won't hold my breath on that one!




Chase works in IT,  30 years old, likes to read books.... how refreshing!

Dan, 35, loves reading also , promises in his descrtiption that 'he's not a weirdo... ! '  Was chatting to him a while ago.  Then he disappeared off the site.  When he reappeared  we had a good chat my last question 'so did you meet someone and leave the site and now back on again?".... whoops.. no reply to that one ..... can hear the rolling tumbleweed...

Stuart is 29, has his own construction company..... just split from wife.

These will probably go the way of other messaging relationships... going into dribs and drabs and then peter out... 

Shocker!!

Well, when people asked me how my weekend was this week, I tried to put on an 'OK' face.. whilst trying not to give a look of embarrassment or a complete cringy expression.

So where to start...

It all started a couple of weekends ago when I was out, when a rather edgy, good looking man (we are talking in his twenties, tattoos, mohawk,  muscles.. kind of rock star looking) sauntered up to me and before I knew it had his arm around me.  He had no embarrassment when stunning young girls game up to him to say hello that he knew from work and introduced me.  Yep.. I have to admit flattery did get the better of my brains.

So yes, one thing led to another and he comes back to my place...   All went well as sex, not love, sessions seem to go.  Both of us fortified by the evenings drinking.  I was in my upstairs bedroom, and stupidly the bed is on rollers.. so the bed ended up travelling across the room a bit.

On getting out to push it back from the base (not the most glamorous of positions me now thinks) - I pushed with all my might to push it back against the wall... whereupon my rather drunken aim was a perfect aim for hitting the top of Alix's mohican topped head right into the corner of the bedside shelf... ooooh that woke him up a bit!

Alix left with a not so much as 'a see you around'.. as he headed out the door the next morning... in typical 'love em and leave em style'.

And so to this weekend...............

If I start with the sentence 'Gabi and I were downing shots.. her with her Patron and me with my Sambuca's' .. you might have an idea where this might head.

And guess whose mohican crested head popped up in the Iron Bar.  I went over to say hello, he was friendly but it was obvious I was a ship in the night and his sights were on other fine galleons that night.

He was avidly chasing a bespectacled girl around, so I just carry on (dancing, drinking)... and then the horns of a drunken (but not knowing it) devil start to grow.

I see that his bespectacled girl leaves him in the lurch...  so I see my window of opportunity.  I remember saying something about how when a woman sleeps with someone that they do give away a bit of their soul (luckily he didn't mention about giving away a bit of his head on a shelf)... I do then remember walking back with him.  As you can tell.. my memory is now patchy.. those shooters are starting to work.

We got back to my house - and I was so proud to be able to show him the downstairs bedroom without any wheely legs and a 'proper' stable bed.   And that was probably the only stable thing around.

Now this is the process of putting things together with my memory patches...

We must have taken our clothes off.. as they were on the ground in the morning (yep.. it's that bad).

I remember then going to the loo (luckily presence of mind to use the upstairs bathroom) and trying climb the stairs that were increasingly  moving sideaways and up and down.  I remember holding tighter to the banister to pull myself up and then a feeling of upsurging as I realised that not only was my head spinning but the contents of my stomach and its shooters was literally about to live up to their name.

The bathroom and toilet didn't quite come to my wobbly legs fast enough as I projective vomited all over the toilet and the back wall of my newly tiled bathroom.

So what do I do... I start to clean it up................ it was only after completing the job that I suddenly remembered that there was Alex downstairs...

I remember going downstairs and seeing him just lying in bed... with a face of - what do I do now.. or 'where the heck have you been',,,,,,,,,,

I wake up in the morning Alex has gone but I look down and see some dried on white splash marks over my stomach .(and we are not talking flour and water)........  so I think I must have passed out and there was a man that was not prepared to leave without getting some kind of gratification.

Well, there you have it... haven't been in that situation since I went to a party in Nottingham twenty years ago and found out that smoking dope and drinking didn't suit me... and rather missed the host's toilet when my body complained about its treatment prematurely.

How embarrassing  it's going to be when I meet Alex again...  But I can safely say that I don't think I will riding that boat again.