Shocker!!

Well, when people asked me how my weekend was this week, I tried to put on an 'OK' face.. whilst trying not to give a look of embarrassment or a complete cringy expression.

So where to start...

It all started a couple of weekends ago when I was out, when a rather edgy, good looking man (we are talking in his twenties, tattoos, mohawk,  muscles.. kind of rock star looking) sauntered up to me and before I knew it had his arm around me.  He had no embarrassment when stunning young girls game up to him to say hello that he knew from work and introduced me.  Yep.. I have to admit flattery did get the better of my brains.

So yes, one thing led to another and he comes back to my place...   All went well as sex, not love, sessions seem to go.  Both of us fortified by the evenings drinking.  I was in my upstairs bedroom, and stupidly the bed is on rollers.. so the bed ended up travelling across the room a bit.

On getting out to push it back from the base (not the most glamorous of positions me now thinks) - I pushed with all my might to push it back against the wall... whereupon my rather drunken aim was a perfect aim for hitting the top of Alix's mohican topped head right into the corner of the bedside shelf... ooooh that woke him up a bit!

Alix left with a not so much as 'a see you around'.. as he headed out the door the next morning... in typical 'love em and leave em style'.

And so to this weekend...............

If I start with the sentence 'Gabi and I were downing shots.. her with her Patron and me with my Sambuca's' .. you might have an idea where this might head.

And guess whose mohican crested head popped up in the Iron Bar.  I went over to say hello, he was friendly but it was obvious I was a ship in the night and his sights were on other fine galleons that night.

He was avidly chasing a bespectacled girl around, so I just carry on (dancing, drinking)... and then the horns of a drunken (but not knowing it) devil start to grow.

I see that his bespectacled girl leaves him in the lurch...  so I see my window of opportunity.  I remember saying something about how when a woman sleeps with someone that they do give away a bit of their soul (luckily he didn't mention about giving away a bit of his head on a shelf)... I do then remember walking back with him.  As you can tell.. my memory is now patchy.. those shooters are starting to work.

We got back to my house - and I was so proud to be able to show him the downstairs bedroom without any wheely legs and a 'proper' stable bed.   And that was probably the only stable thing around.

Now this is the process of putting things together with my memory patches...

We must have taken our clothes off.. as they were on the ground in the morning (yep.. it's that bad).

I remember then going to the loo (luckily presence of mind to use the upstairs bathroom) and trying climb the stairs that were increasingly  moving sideaways and up and down.  I remember holding tighter to the banister to pull myself up and then a feeling of upsurging as I realised that not only was my head spinning but the contents of my stomach and its shooters was literally about to live up to their name.

The bathroom and toilet didn't quite come to my wobbly legs fast enough as I projective vomited all over the toilet and the back wall of my newly tiled bathroom.

So what do I do... I start to clean it up................ it was only after completing the job that I suddenly remembered that there was Alex downstairs...

I remember going downstairs and seeing him just lying in bed... with a face of - what do I do now.. or 'where the heck have you been',,,,,,,,,,

I wake up in the morning Alex has gone but I look down and see some dried on white splash marks over my stomach .(and we are not talking flour and water)........  so I think I must have passed out and there was a man that was not prepared to leave without getting some kind of gratification.

Well, there you have it... haven't been in that situation since I went to a party in Nottingham twenty years ago and found out that smoking dope and drinking didn't suit me... and rather missed the host's toilet when my body complained about its treatment prematurely.

How embarrassing  it's going to be when I meet Alex again...  But I can safely say that I don't think I will riding that boat again.