It all seemed to be going so well……………
(Sound effect of screeching needle
across record…)
I was due to go with friends to the
Underwater Cairns Film Festival. I
mentioned that I was going to Mr PADI (who has been all consuming all my being for the last couple of weeks) He said he
would be there in his professional capacity.
I texted and said that I understood he was in work mode .. making him
realise that I wouldn’t go up and try and dry hump him in public. I did say that if he wasn’t busy afterwards I
could ‘catch up’ with him.. but just working out whether to take two cars or
one.
He said that he would probably end up
working late so didn’t know when he was finished. A pretty non-committal answer that had me
banking on the ‘share a car option’.
We sent text messages to each other that
day (Saturday) and even though he was in presentations we had an ongoing
conversation.. including me sending him a pic of me sunbathing on the beach
(all in the best possible taste). To
which his reply was ‘Wow, you are taking full advantage of your days off!! ..
which I think was a positive.
We arrive I see his head – not hard at
6’4” and shoulders like a transformer on steroids. We catch each other’s eye, I think ‘he’s in
work mode so don’t want to go over and be intrusive’ – but no, over he bounds
and plants two kisses on my cheeks and says a warm hello. Then he disappears back into the throng of
milling bodies.
Later on after intermission he finds me
again, comes over and then kisses me on the lips. Which I would have to say was a pretty public
display of affection and I was blown away… well I would have been blown away if
I wasn’t already floating on a cloud. With a thanks for the photo today!
He then comes over to me and says that
‘Sheridan’ who he had mentioned to me he was going to meet up with ( PADI Marketing Director) had been waiting
in a restaurant for him since 8.00 and it was 8.20 and he couldn’t get hold of
her. Though what this was to do with me
I am not sure.
Obviously that meant that he was meeting
her for dinner and leaving the venue. So
I kind of hung around to say goodbye, then went into the auditorium and popped
out about 10 min later to see if he had gone.
He was on the other side of the entrance hall chatting on the
phone. He saw me looking for him and
spotting him but then I was a bit embarrassed that I had been caught trying to
look for him so just slinked back into the auditorium.
The couple I was with (wonderful couple
who I worked with in diving), left before it finished so I got a lift home with
them. Left a text to Mr PADI, “Leaving
now, lovely to have seen you, short but sweet J x”.
And just expected a text back saying
‘lovely to see you too’ kind of one…
That was on Saturday night (today is
Tuesday)………………………………. And since then……………..we have the Art and Garfunkel
Classic…. The Sound of Silence…accompanied by the sound of rolling tumbleweed……
oh dear. Methinks I have committed a
faut pas… the one of being too open, perhaps opening up a bit too early… and
for my sins that’s it…
I will have to take it on the chin and
never lift a finger to contact him again.. It will either be that we never get
together again.. or if I play my cards right.. means I might get him calling me
back in a few weeks… to be honest I am OVER IT... some days I think sod him.. and other days.. I just feel dejected and rejected.. with the hanging 'WHY?" cloud over my head... or the tinge of well. it's only a few days perhaps he'll call next week...
Here’s a little article I read… and for
all those days he doesn’t call I should read this and learn.. at 50 years old..
there is so much room for growth! Keep telling myself the mantra "Do not seek external validation.. Do not seek external validation.... Do not seek validation..."
The Monster Called “Neediness”
Have you ever found yourself in the following scenario?
When things are going well and the man pays a lot of attention to
you, everything is perfect! You are energetic, happy, and
bubbling.
As soon as the man starts to show less affection, calls less, and
fails to
remind you how much he adores you, you start to wonder …
• Has he lost interest?
• Was it something I did?
• What is he thinking?
• Why hasn't he called for two days?
• Is there someone else?
After having these doubts in your mind for a few days, you decide
to
confront him and ask him what is going on.
If you want to keep this man in your life, confronting him about
this
is a strategic mistake you can't afford to make. Let me show you
what exactly goes through a man's mind when you confront him
about this:
• Gee, she really needs my attention 24/7.
• This will be a lot of work, I can see that!
If she couldn't even deal with this, how would she deal with big
problems if we ever end up together?
As you can see, it doesn't lead to anywhere good. When a woman
shows her neediness during the early stages of a relationship, it
turns
men off in a big way. This is because being needy signals to a man
two things about a woman:
• First, a man will interpret it as her not having
control over her
emotions. This shows emotional weakness.
• Second, a man will think that she is insecure.
He then
concludes that he will have to give her a lot of validation and
reassurance to make things work.
This “neediness” is like a man repellent and you have to get rid
of it
fast. The good news is that it can be eradicated, and I will show
you
exactly how to do this.
The feeling of “neediness” arises from a woman's belief that her
intrinsic worth is determined by a man's approval of her. When you
sit down and think about this belief, it doesn't really make sense
to
you, does it?
Don't you feel like you should always have the final say on your
intrinsic worth?
It doesn't make sense that a man who has only known you briefly
should get the power to determine your worth, does it?
You are absolutely right! You and you alone are the judge of your
character and intrinsic worth. You have to fight every single step
to
resist
the tendency to seek external validation.
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